Act One Mitchum Mr. Thwaite? Mr. Thwaite? Thwaite Yeah…What is it? Mitchum You OK, Mr. Thwaite? Thwaite I ain't bloody dead yet, mate. Mitchum I wasn't suggesting that… Thwaite Oh, I'm sure you weren't, mate. However, your verbal demeanor had a bit of anticipatory delight there. Mitchum How's that, Mr. Thwaite? Thwaite You were hoping that I cashed in and you co...
The Center for Diseased Conditions in Atlanta Ga. announced early Thursday that a mutant strain of the dreaded KMA2 nerve virus - which renders individuals incapable of coherent thought, and likely to react violently to things like flies and grey shi...
Washington DC: The US Department of Labor announced that the number of animal rights activists residing in the 48 contiguous states has steadily declined by 50% between 2009 and 2012. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) launched a probe int...
The German version of Masterchef, Meisterkoch has been taken off the air when it was revealed that the contestant calling himself Hans Waschen was the suspected cannibal Luka Magnotta. "We were initially okay with Magnotta's first round dish," sai...
MIAMI, Fl. - Cannibals from all over the United States and the world have registered their complaints that the media coverage following an attack in Miami is unfairly depicting cannibalism as an act committed on a living person. A cannibal is defi...
They Grey Hound bus guy who stabbed another guy to death and ate part of him while requesting take home boxes for the parts that he did not eat, has now been granted furloughs from Canada's Asylum for Future US Members of Congress which is more commo...
A self-confessed cannibal and his vampire mistress have asked their psychiatric institute in Sweden if they can get married and live the rest of their bloody lives together (promises to be pretty short lives!). The cannibal, enjoyed chewing the fl...
Acton man Terry Scrote has turned himself in to the police and confessed to eating his neighbour's brain. "I was Hank Marvin after getting legless in the Bush with Stan Snide so i necked the contents of Arthur Saveloy's skull" claimed the part ti...
CHICAGO: On July 30, 1975, Teamster president Jimmy Hoffa disappeared from the face of the earth. Until yesterday his disappearance remained a mystery. Although he had many enemies who had reason to kill him, Chicago police and the FBI were unable...
Washington - Cannibals testifying before Congress today criticized the Obama Administrations recent change from the decade old food pyramid to the new MyPyramid. With much fanfare, the USDA recently retired the old Food Guide Pyramid and replaced...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was treated to his first 3D cinematic experience last night, when he attended a local theatre to see Johnny Depp and Penelope Cruz in Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Initial reports indicate that Shuttlec...
A Slovakian cannibal who advertised for a victim to be eaten over the internet changed his mind as his victim, a Swiss Nutter, turned up stinking of garlic. Most cannibals like their meat fresh, tender and without any spices or herbs attached, but...
Eastern European transsexual entertainer, Bingo Euphrates, was mauled to death yesterday by her troop of acrobatic midgets. The savage attack on the 47 year old entertainer was described by one witness as being, 'savage'. The attack took place...
Details were today released about a tribe of cannibals recently discovered in the Welsh Valleys. It today emerged that the Welsh assembly have been dithering over what action to take for almost a week. A spokesman said: "We recently received repor...
Former Liverpool FC player Yossi Benayoun has made sensational claims that an ex-team mate tired to eat him during his time on Merseyside. Benayoun stunned reporters when he lifted the lid on the cannibalistic ways of an old colleague. The play...
Emergency services were alerted by radio from the troubled nuclear submersible HMS Astute this morning, but soon after all contact with the submarine crew was lost. Upon approaching the stricken vessel it was noticed that it was listing with no on...
SCIENTISTS are pleading with people to exercise common sense after a sudden spike in hospital admissions were linked with canabalism. Patients were admitted into local hospitals and clinics with gashes and bite marks on arms and legs. "I unders...
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