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Funny satire stories about CDC

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Funny story: "Ptomaine Romaine"...Again. Chef Retains Romaine's Remains

"Ptomaine Romaine"...Again. Chef Retains Romaine's Remains

Just as romaine lettuce growers were recovering from the e coli scare of last spring, the Center for Disease Control issued a "do not serve" and "do not eat" warning covering romaine lettuce from any source and in every state. One defiant salad chef...

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Funny story: CDC Report Leaked: Rabies In The White House

CDC Report Leaked: Rabies In The White House

A damning report on the spread of rabies at the White House compiled by the Center for Disease Control was leaked today and published by the NY times. The report details how people inside the Trump inner circle ignored initial warnings from CDC docto...

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Funny story: Children Who Whisper at Risk for Psychosis in Adulthood

Children Who Whisper at Risk for Psychosis in Adulthood

Atlanta, GA: The Center for Disease Control issued an alarming report that states a child's risk for developing serious psychiatric disorders in adulthood increased by 62% if they excessively "whispered". Lawrence Lipschitz M.D. said parents shoul...

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Funny story: Mexican Immigrants to Blame for Illness Outbreaks in the U.S.

Mexican Immigrants to Blame for Illness Outbreaks in the U.S.

It's no secret that the U.S. has been plagued with several illness outbreaks lately. The Ebola scare seems to be the first to come to mind, now the most recent, Legionnaire's in New York City, is dominating the news today. These are not the only on...

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Funny story: 'Get well' cards speeding the spread of Ebola, CDC warns

'Get well' cards speeding the spread of Ebola, CDC warns

Washington - A new study by the Centers for Disease Control has found that the common "get well" card is the leading carrier of the deadly Ebola virus. The government health agency has issued emergency usage guidelines in response. "Your typical g...

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Funny story: New CDC Alert Provides Election Day Strategy

New CDC Alert Provides Election Day Strategy

Washington - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have issued an urgent advisory, calling on Americans to wash their hands carefully after voting in this year's midterm elections. The procedure is called the Pontius Pilate Gambit, af...

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Funny story: CDC Issues a Level 3 Warning Against the FNV, or FOX News Virus

CDC Issues a Level 3 Warning Against the FNV, or FOX News Virus

ATLANTA, GA--The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) today issued a Level 3 warning against a new, potentially contagious virus. It is calling FNV, or the FOX News Virus. The FNV, explained Dr. Samuel Grimes of the CDC, is highly communicable, especia...

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Funny story: Ebola Outbreak Fears May Be Warranted

Ebola Outbreak Fears May Be Warranted

The Ebola outbreak has set off an alarm around the world. Public health leaders say the intense concern is appropriate, given the unprecedented size of the outbreak and the deadliness of the virus. All experts say the outbreak has also produced a...

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Funny story: British Ebola victim wakes from coma 28 days later

British Ebola victim wakes from coma 28 days later

A British man who contracted Ebola while on a pirates holiday in sierra Leone has recovered from his coma after twenty eight days. Alfred Smith a retired bus conductor said he feels fine after his month of unconsciousness although not technically a m...

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Funny story: Health Alert, "Lawyerish Settlementitus", Infects People Across America.

Health Alert, "Lawyerish Settlementitus", Infects People Across America.

A new malady has been sweeping across America. It seems that when ever someone in America is involved in any kind of accident, they develop a wide range of health problems. The American Health Society became aware of this rash of complaints when o...

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Funny story: Cancer No Longer #1 Killer In America: Morbid Obesity And Accidents Form Surprise Team

Cancer No Longer #1 Killer In America: Morbid Obesity And Accidents Form Surprise Team

ATLANTA, GA--In what is already being hailed as one of the most depressing pieces of news in weeks, the Centers for Disease Control have rolled out their annual list of leading causes of death for 2011, and it appears that neither cancer, nor heart d...

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Funny story: Salmonella ring leader, Mr. Gobbles will be tried for terrorist acts

Salmonella ring leader, Mr. Gobbles will be tried for terrorist acts

People are eating a healthier diet these days and have reduced the use of red meats. However, it also means increasing the use of lean meats such as fish, chicken and turkey. Since the popularity of switching hamburg meat to ground turkey, more and...

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Funny story: Investigation of Deadly Virus Now Focuses on White House Victory Garden after Obama's European Jaunt!

Investigation of Deadly Virus Now Focuses on White House Victory Garden after Obama's European Jaunt!

Shortly after the Obamas' European tour where the first lady bestowed presents of her home grown vegetables on the French, the Germans and the British, an outbreak of a deadly E-Coli virus spread rapidly through the continent leading investigators to...

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Funny story: Centers for Disease Control (the CDC) Outlaws GOING VIRAL

Centers for Disease Control (the CDC) Outlaws GOING VIRAL

"We are sick and tired," announced the Director of the CDC at a press conference in Atlanta today, "of seeing people and things -- especially Internet stories and rumors -- GOING VIRAL." He continued, "We are stopping it as of today. Gone, kaput...

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Funny story: C.D.C. Determines Asparagus Causes Traffic Accidents

C.D.C. Determines Asparagus Causes Traffic Accidents

Experts and researchers at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta have determined that the vegetable asparagus may be the cause of most traffic fatalities in the United States. This information has been relayed to Congress and legislation bannin...

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Funny story: Advisory from the US Center for Responsible Appellation Policy

Advisory from the US Center for Responsible Appellation Policy

It has come to the attention of the US Center for Responsible Appellation Policy (US CRAP) that the global porcine slander has become intolerable and reflects personal prejudice, not fact. Accordingly, new recommendations are being promulgated to mor...

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Funny story: Swine Flu (H1N1): Man dies after taking counterfeit "Tamiflew" knockoff

Swine Flu (H1N1): Man dies after taking counterfeit "Tamiflew" knockoff

Los Angeles, California - With all the supply of Tamiflu being horded by the swine flu panic buying or kept on the shelf and out of the medicine cabinet due to price gauging, some people in desperation have turned to cheep medical counterfeit knockof...

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