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Funny satire stories about Benefits

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Funny story: Tory's new 'ducking-stool' disability assessment launched

Tory's new 'ducking-stool' disability assessment launched

George Osborne has announced the governments new method of assessing claimant's disability, known as the 'ducking-stool'. The contract, worth £134 trillion, is expected to be awarded to Cameron, Osbourne & Cronies Consultants. "For far too lon...

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Funny story: Benefits for all!

Benefits for all!

Labour leader 'Crazy Eddie' Miliband has taken another happy pill and vowed to deliver a 'living wage' to millions if he wins the next election in 2015. Always assuming that there will be anyone still working by May 7th 2015 Crazy Ed predicts the...

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Funny story: Benefit Buggers defraud local authorities by millions - So, what else is new?

Benefit Buggers defraud local authorities by millions - So, what else is new?

Councils are being de-frauded to the tune of two billion pounds a year through fraudulent disability allowances and child benefit claims. Councillors are obviously frustrated at this because this money could be getting put towards the entertainme...

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Funny story: Government Considers Bringing Back The Workhouse

Government Considers Bringing Back The Workhouse

A leaked government document has revealed the coalitions plans to reduce our countries benefits bill. The solution? Bung the poor and needy into newly established workhouses. Government officials reckon all the UK's economic problems would be s...

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Funny story: Jobseeker's Allowance Now Paid in Biscuits

Jobseeker's Allowance Now Paid in Biscuits

David Cameron announced to the House of Commons yesterday the Tories latest plan to ensure that it always pays to work. 'Too many people on benefits see it as a free lunch,' said the Prime Minister. As of Friday, Jobseeker's Allowance will be paid in...

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Funny story: McDondalds to replace Atos in new deal for spongers says Duncan Smith

McDondalds to replace Atos in new deal for spongers says Duncan Smith

In yet another dramatic climb-down for the government, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith announced today that ATOS will no longer be carrying out medical assessments on the sick and disabled, ending the government's controversial contract...

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Funny story: Boy riding scooter rejects kiss from Fanning sister

Boy riding scooter rejects kiss from Fanning sister

11 year old Dakota Fanning today made her appearance dressed as Scarlett O'Hara at the 12th Annual Dream Halloween Benefit, which is held to raise money for children with HIV/AIDS every year in October. According to eyewitnesses, Dakota was seen w...

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Funny story: 300,000 immigrants claim benefits

300,000 immigrants claim benefits

The UK government has today released shocking statistics that as many as 300,000 immigrants in Britain are claiming benefits, on top of the many millions of Britons who claim them. For years, Britain has led the world in unemployment. The dole qu...

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Funny story: Riot at Nottingham's Parliament Street Jobcentre Plus!

Riot at Nottingham's Parliament Street Jobcentre Plus!

There was panic in Nottingham city centre this morning, when it was mistakenly published in the 'Free paper', that the Jobcentre Plus on Parliament Street had got 333 new jobs just come in, in error for 3 new jobs. As soon as the crowd rushed the...

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Funny story: Many Youngsters Still Refusing To Work For Nothing!

Many Youngsters Still Refusing To Work For Nothing!

The government is to finally clamp down hard on unemployed work-shy youths who refuse to work for nothing. The promise to deal with the problem of 'youths with principles' who continue to expect to be paid for their labour was made by the Prime M...

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Funny story: Benefit cuts to be slashed and then tripled

Benefit cuts to be slashed and then tripled

UK Government plans to slash benefits and then re-assess (with added leniency) Hard hitting government think tank "Chav Tolchock" has put pressure on government to rethink the way benefits are run in the country. People who claim to be unable to w...

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Funny story: General Practitioners To Monitor The Unemployed

General Practitioners To Monitor The Unemployed

The General Medical Council has reportedly issued new guidelines for GPs, directing them to question patients regarding their current employment status and offering advice on how a return to employment can be advantageous to their health and wellbein...

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Funny story: Disability pay gap may take millenia to close

Disability pay gap may take millenia to close

The Royal Equality Team for the Assessment of the Rights of the Disabled (RETARD) have released a report indicating that the pay gap between disabled people and able-bodied people is wider than ever. The report describes shocking statistics such a...

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Funny story: Social Workers clearly to blame for everything, whichever way you look at it.

Social Workers clearly to blame for everything, whichever way you look at it.

A national survey today found conclusive evidence that just about everything that has gone wrong is due to the involvement of a social worker. Government sources found that in many cases, tough, stringent fiscal measures have foundered due to the...

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Funny story: Most Benefit Claimants Fit To Work

Most Benefit Claimants Fit To Work

The Coalition Government has claimed that three quarters of people who claimed sickness benefit were fit to work. Ian Duncan Smith, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, claimed that "anyone who is fit enough to make their way to the local job...

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Funny story: Benefit Cheats Are Taking Us To The Cleaners!

Benefit Cheats Are Taking Us To The Cleaners!

Headlines in the UK's "exploding head" press this morning proclaimed the latest scandal that proves we're going to Hell in a handcart. Of all the people claiming sickness benefit, 75 per cent are skiving, screamed the Daily Express. "Benefit ch...

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Funny story: UK's Youngest Parents Are 14 Year Old School Kids

UK's Youngest Parents Are 14 Year Old School Kids

In a shock revelation, it has been revealed that two 14 year old schoolchildren have become the UK's youngest parents. The two children had unprotected sex when aged 13 years old. The new parents, Anne-Maree Spreadham and Kevin Numbnuts, are both...

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