Day two: Day two got lost somehow. So this is really day three part one. Day three part two will appear at some point today, providing day three isn't quite as hectic as day two. Deep joy on day two with the discovery of a shop that sells pies. Things were looking up. Then things looked up even more with the discovery of a chip shop that sells fish and chips, pies, mushy peas and gravy too!...
"Well, that wasn't at all what I expected," said a decidedly disgruntled Martin Shuttlecock, from his garret in Barcelona's notorious El Raval district, last night. "The flight down here was pretty uneventful - although it wasn't a Lear jet, it was at least a jet, one of them airbus things. Still, at least we never did a belly flop onto the M27. And we didn't get served champagne by a bevvy of...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that he intends to post daily letters from Barcelona - on condition that he actually makes the trip, and can avoid getting blind drunk on Estrella Damm, absinthe, and local wine by the bucketload. "It'...
Speaking from his 1960's retro-themed council tower block in Titchfield, Hants this evening, local man, Martin Shuttlecock angrily declared that in his opinion, Home Secretary, Theresa May, is "a brain-dead muppet" with no tangible grip on reality, a...
There was an extremely tense atmosphere at the Camp Nou as Barcelona entertained Chelsea in the Champions League semi final a few minutes ago, with Chelsea under siege from a rampant Barcelona strike force. Including Lionel Messi and Alexis Sanchez.
It's been acknowledged as the most difficult question in modern football - the sheer genius of the diminutive Argentinian, or the instinctive athletic artistry of the Portuguese? Who is the world's best footballer? The two went head to head last n...
Manchester United's manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, 70, has shown his first signs of dementia by claiming that Manchester is nearer Barcelona than Madrid! This astonishing geographical error is proof that the 70 year-old Scot should actually have b...
Leo Messi was today named the 'Short Footballer of the Year' in a prestigious ceremony at the Dog and Duck in Cleethorpes. 5 foot 7 inches Messi held off competition in the voting from now retired 5 foot 6 inches Roberto Carlos, 5 foot 5 inches De...
Breaking news suggests that a Real Madrid source last night revealed to Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola, that Real boss Jose Mourinho went home after last night's match at the Bernabeu and kicked the family cat up the arse in frustration. Mourinho's...
Politically incorrect TV pundit Gary Neville is back on the naughty step again. The outspoken ex footballer has called Barcelona "a team of midgets" The FA have received scores of complaints from short people with the hump. Spokesman Loft...
Barcelona superstar, Lionel Messi - rated by many as the best player in the world - shrugged off suggestions that Barcelona's 3-1 Champions League Final victory over Manchester United had been a hard fought contest. The diminutive Argentinian geni...
European Champions League winner Lionel Messi took time out from Barcelona's celebrations last night to explain the relentless pace of the scintillating final at Wembley. Barca ran out worthy 3-1 winners with goals by Pedrito, Messi and Villa. Roo...
Manchester Utd were obliged to defer to the superiority of Barcelona in the European Champions League final at Wembley. Barca were worthy 3-1 winners in normal time with a brilliant display of running, passing, pressing... United just could not li...
The world of football is in a state of shock with the news that Argentinian superstar Lionel Messi has quit the game. Just minutes after helping Barcelona to win the Champions League final against Sir Alex Ferguson's Man Utd, the 23 year old maest...
LONDON - The much anticipated Champions League Final game between Manchester United and Barcelona will be watched by billions of football fans throughout the entire civilized world. Reports are that the tiny African country of British Bamboobanda...
Concerns were raised today over the fragile mental state of local man, Salford born, Martin Shuttlecock. Who is said to be in a complete state of mental fugue, as tomorrow's Champions League Final between Shuttlecock's beloved Manchester United, and...
Reports are coming out of the Nou Camp stadium in Barcelona that tiny footballer Lionel Messi has a gigantic cock. The Argentinian struts his stuff in Spain and is acclaimed for his dribbling and ball control. He is also a clinical finisher w...
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