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Funny story: Speed limits abolished

Speed limits abolished

The Chief Minister of the Australian Capital Territory (ACT), announced yesterday that in legislation passed last week in the ACT Legislative Assembly, all speed limits have been abolished in the ACT. He said that, for the benefit of all motorists a...

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Funny story: Winter has been abolished, says PM

Winter has been abolished, says PM

The Prime Minister announced yesterday that Winter will be abolished from next year. He said "We have had a lot of complaints about the cold weather, particularly from senior citizens, and have decided to do something about it." He added "It will tak...

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Funny story: GPs to cut consultation fees

GPs to cut consultation fees

The newly elected head of the Australian Medical Association (AMA), Dr James Gibbon, has announced that from next week, General Practitioners (GPs) will cut their consultation fees to $10. This is a cut of about $70 in the cost of the average ten-m...

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Funny story: Corrupt Union official 'a good bloke' says Premier

Corrupt Union official 'a good bloke' says Premier

The Premier of South Australia (SA) has come out and expressed his Labor government's support for and faith in beleaguered Shop Workers Union secretary Bob Down. Mr Down was recently the focus of a Royal Commission into union corruption in SA. The...

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Funny story: Editor condemned to death by beheading

Editor condemned to death by beheading

In the early hours of this morning the editor of this newspaper was arrested because he permitted publication in yesterday's edition a story detailing the introduction of Sharia Law into Australia. The article was deemed to be 'offensive to Islam' by...

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Funny story: Australia introduces Sharia Law

Australia introduces Sharia Law

The Australian Minister for Culture and Law, Ms Marjory Daw, yesterday announced that Sharia (Islamic) Law will now be part of the Australian legal system. She added, "In response to an unprecedented demand, Sharia Law will be introduced into Austral...

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Funny story: Woman stoned to death for adultery

Woman stoned to death for adultery

Yesterday, at The Grand Mosque in Canberra, Australia, a woman was stoned to death for allegedly being caught committing adultery with an unnamed man. The woman, known to us only as Sharia, was allegedly caught in a compromising situation with the ma...

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Funny story: Excessive alcohol consumption now compulsory in Australia

Excessive alcohol consumption now compulsory in Australia

A new law which became effective today makes it compulsory for all Australian adults to consume more alcohol. All adult citizens must now drink at least two litres of alcohol per day. The quota can be made up through the consumption of alcohol drinks...

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Funny story: ACTION take action on disability

ACTION take action on disability

ACTION, Canberra's bus service, has taken on board the ACT Government's policy recommendation that more opportunities for employment be made available to disabled people. "They will be given special training to compensate for their disabilities, to s...

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Funny story: New buses for ACTION

New buses for ACTION

The Manager of ACTION, Canberra's bus service, Mr Bob Down, today released a preliminary report on the company's new buses introduced two weeks ago. The introduction of the new buses was highly controversial and the report on their operation was eage...

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Funny story: Aboriginal rights: A final solution

Aboriginal rights: A final solution

Self-proclaimed Aboriginal rights activist, Mr A Hister, now in his nineties, said today that white Australians must stop feeling guilty about all the things they have done for Aborigines. He said "We have given them great medical care, excellent...

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Funny story: Sex education in schools to have practical side

Sex education in schools to have practical side

In the new national school curriculum unveiled yesterday by the Minister for Education, Mr. Ben Down, a major change in sex education is to take place in Australian schools. The Minister said that practical work would be introduced into the teaching...

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Funny story: Fernetic speling intradoosed to Orstralya

Fernetic speling intradoosed to Orstralya

Yestadee, th Orstralyan Govmint changed al speling over to a simplifide form of fernetic speling. "This moov" sed th Pri Minster, Mr Malcum Turnbul, "wil put Orstralya in th forfront ov wirld progres in edicashun. No moor wil we b slaves too an outda...

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Funny story: "No more immigrants!" says the Prime Minister

"No more immigrants!" says the Prime Minister

In a statement to a group of unbiased human-only media reporters this morning, the Australian Prime Minister, Mr Malcolm Turnbull, announced that, despite UN orders, Australia will not be accepting its usual input of thousands of extra-terrestrial im...

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Funny story: Search for honest Aussie politicians is complete

Search for honest Aussie politicians is complete

A two year investigation into the integrity of Australian Federal politicians identified one non-dodgy member of parliament. Headed up by Professor Wayne Brown-Cardigan, the Parliamentary Investigation analysed the behaviours of all 226 politicians i...

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Funny story: New Aussie PM Mal Bullshite gets personality transplant

New Aussie PM Mal Bullshite gets personality transplant

23 million Aussies have woken up this week wondering if aliens abducted Malcolm Bullshite and replaced him with one of their own. Recent coup d'etat winner and serial smiling assassin Bullshite was sworn in as the latest Aussie Prime Minister this we...

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Funny story: Australian Prime Minister thinks

Australian Prime Minister thinks

Australian Prime Minister Tony Abcess has been discovered thinking. His wife, Maggie Achin held a press conference this afternoon at their Struggle Street one-roomed unit. "G'day. I got some news for yous. I know Tony likes to give out knighthood...

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