Golden, CO - From a town named Golden comes a discovery that is about to make the precious metal as cheap as lead. Apple Creek High School student Lanny Auris has developed a cheap process to make gold from lead, in his basement using only common ho...
Plymouth, Mass - Mal*Wart, JC Farthings, and Maced stores all plan to open right after millions of giant turkey dinners are consumed. Who wants to wait for Black Friday? According to Dr. Drew Upbird, medical consultant to the retail industry, con...
Ozzy's House - Following the lead of his wife who cut off her breast to prevent cancer, Ozzy has had most of his brain cut out in a bold attempt to prevent Alzheimer's. His wife had this to say. "I think it has really improved his disposition. He...
Washington DC - According to Miss Adelle Bowersocks 1232C Upswine Gardens, Romney is not really drinking diet soda, as he appears to be. Miss Adelle was cleaning up after a $200,000.00 a plate dinner when she tasted what appeared to be left over die...
Washington - Dr. P. Knut of the International Space Station has discovered a star in the Milky Way surrounded by sugar. The sugar was detected using sensitive instruments that can tell the molecular structure and composition of tiny hunks of sugar l...
Mars - The Mars Rover has detected a radio message emanating from what appears to be the ancient remains of a building next to a dried up canal on Mars, according to Dr. Mipaysurtax and his team of scientists of the Earth ground crew, who have all b...
Washington DC - Aunt Jemima held a brief press conference today. She announced that she would no longer agree to be Gaston's pick for Vice President of the United States of America. "I's no way gunna serve no pancakes with crappy aspartame syrup.
Athens Greece - According to our source, Mr. Pimpleonizbuto, curator, the ruins of ancient Greece have been supplanted with the ruins of modern Greece. The new ruins are available for international touring now. Unlike the ancient ruins of Greec...
Fort Detrick, MD - According to scientist Dr. Orncay Olehay, a drought ready strain of corn has been developed that requires less water to grow. The recent devastating drought in the corn belt of the USA inspired this invention. The new corn prod...
The Cloud - Twitter insiders confided today that Twitter had to be taken down to remove all Tweets Tweeted by Aspartame Boy. In a confidential exchange of information, or so they thought, it was confided that Aspartame Boy's Tweets were deemed too...
Arizona - Sunday UPDATE - According to local reports in Mesa, AZ, the toxins were administered via truck early Sunday morning. In addition to the stray cats and mosquitoes that were killed, the occasional unaware pedestrian was sprayed. Of cour...
HOW TO DIE How to die. That is the question posed by the nation's magazine. But, is it: TIME TO DIE It probably is if you are an establishment news magazine that feeds people propaganda that is no longer believed by people capable of reading for themselves on the internet what is happening. That is why TheSpoof.com says TIME TO LIVE Time to enjoy some humor. SO, forget about dy...
NEW YORK - UPDATE 1 - Elvis is dying again. The robot was signing well when it paused for refreshment. After drinking a sugary 32 ounce soda in New York city, angry mobs of Bloomberg supporters chased the robot down Broadway, carrying 2 liter bott...
Berlin - A secret lab here has leaked through our source, technician Splay Hindus, that a contagious microbe has been developed that renders men sterile in two days time, irreversibly. The microbe, according to Hindus, produces a gene modificatio...
NEW YORK - Sandlot Andy, the chair of the baseball Playing Rules Committee, today held a press conference to announce new rules. At its May 2012 meeting, it voted to incorporate the extended infield-fly rule to apply to ground balls. Henceforth, any...
VATICAN - Our mole on the Vatican guard issued an encrypted communique to our news desk minutes ago. The Pope's butler is being charged with being totally responsible for recent leaks. The leaks have been quite embarrassing for the Pope, who de...
NEW YORK - Our mole on the UN Special Population Taxation Administration has just reported that sugar and starch are going to be slapped with a huge carbon tax. Such items will be affordable only by the wealthy, or as special treats by the middle cl...
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