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Funny satire stories about Animal Rights

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Funny story: Animal Rights Activist Cuts Off Own Arm and Cooks It

Animal Rights Activist Cuts Off Own Arm and Cooks It

An animal rights activist is recovering in the psychiatric wing of the local hospital after cutting off her own arm and eating it. The patient, who asked to remain anonymous, said she just wanted to know what suffering animals go through. The...

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Funny story: Milked cows run stampede at a Lancashire ATM!

Milked cows run stampede at a Lancashire ATM!

Police were called out to a filling up station on the M61 near Chorley, Lancashire, yesterday as a herd of dissatisfied cows attempted to raid an ATM! The cows broke out of their paddock claiming the farmer paid them less than the minimum wage for...

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Funny story: NYC creating jobs for its carriage-less horses

NYC creating jobs for its carriage-less horses

New York - Animal activists came one step closer to ridding Central Park of the carriage horse trade, proposing a variety of new employment opportunities in other fields for the equines. "It's all about jobs and the dignity of work for these noble...

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Funny story: 800-Pound MALL Alligator Emails The Spoof

800-Pound MALL Alligator Emails The Spoof

The gator (nicknamed Godzilla) nabbed outside a Houston-area mall has a lot to say about humans. Here are some direct quotes from his email to The Spoof: -- "They muzzled me, which is why I'm using email for all my communications at this point. Phooey." -- "They blasted my weight all over the Internet. What nerve! I plan to sue for invasion of privacy." -- "I was just minding my own busin...

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Funny story: Should We Eat Animals That Piss Us Off? Dolphin 'Smack Chatter' Reopens The Debate

Should We Eat Animals That Piss Us Off? Dolphin 'Smack Chatter' Reopens The Debate

We have come to think of dolphins as intelligent mammals; the sages of the sea, who have even been known to save a human or two caught in troubled waters. That status is now under review following groundbreaking research about to be published by The...

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Funny story: Emotional-Support Animals up 279%

Emotional-Support Animals up 279%

The percentage of applications for emotional-support animals among pets have gone up 279% from 2011, according to the latest pretty and glittery graph on the internet. "We have seen an increase in emotional-support animals among pet travelers," r...

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Funny story: Caitlyn Jenner's cat to undergo surgery

Caitlyn Jenner's cat to undergo surgery

The Jenner/Kardashian family are no strangers to controversy. The latest chapter in the saga however may just see them land in hot water with animal rights groups such as PETA and the SPCA after Caitlyn has agreed to fund her beloved moggie with enou...

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Funny story: Bang To Animal Rights

Bang To Animal Rights

In an effort to impress the animal rights campaigner who has moved in at the end of our street BATTL news has decided to pursue an animal rights story that has shocked us. The daily newspaper "The Sun" (it should be called "The Paper That Thinks It's Alright To Kill Small Insects") has instigated a new hateful competition in which it hires celebrities to attempt killing a fly using a variety of ob...

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Funny story: 'Ban the birds' cry Central Park advocates

'Ban the birds' cry Central Park advocates

New York -- Now that the carriage horses are on the run, activists are taking aim on another group of animals that need to be rescued from Central Park. A study by the nonexistent grassroots group Animal Advocates has found that the privacy right...

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Funny story: Dog-Cat Species Change Now a Reality

Dog-Cat Species Change Now a Reality

San Francisco (STT News) 'Rover', a 2-year-old mixed breed dog in the small village of Twangings, Califonia, will soon be the first canine to undergo species surgery to become a cat. The owner recently won a lawsuit that allows animals to be what the...

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Funny story: Oklahoma Governor Agrees to Extend Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Oklahoma Governor Agrees to Extend Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Following the botched execution of death row inmate Clayton Lockett, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin announced that she will support legislation extending the Humane Slaughter Act, which has previously applied only to farm animals, to human prisoners.

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Funny story: Oklahoma Supreme Court Extends Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

Oklahoma Supreme Court Extends Humane Slaughter Act to Human Death Row Inmates

In a groundbreaking and highly controversial decision, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled to expand the applicability of the Humane Slaughter Act, designed to decrease the suffering of livestock during slaughter, to also encompass the human slaughter o...

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Funny story: Animal Rights Group Wants The Amish To Stop Using The Horse and Buggy As A Means of Transportation

Animal Rights Group Wants The Amish To Stop Using The Horse and Buggy As A Means of Transportation

NORFOLK, Virginia - The animal rights group known as PETA, which stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has just announced its latest statement. Executive Director Mimosa Ledbetter has sent a message to the Amish community stating...

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Funny story: Still Hypnotized Woman Falls Off Chicken Truck

Still Hypnotized Woman Falls Off Chicken Truck

Abigail Smithers of Washington County, Arkansas apparently will recover from several broken ribs, broken right leg, three toes on the right foot and a fresh-laid dog turd tangled up in her hair after falling off a chicken truck headed for a Purdue Fa...

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Funny story: Factory-Farming Advocacy Group Struggles With Name Messaging: "Killing Over Compassion" Shot Down in Polls

Factory-Farming Advocacy Group Struggles With Name Messaging: "Killing Over Compassion" Shot Down in Polls

A newly launched non-profit organization established to advocate on behalf of animal farmers and confined animal feeding operations (CAFOs) encountered a bit of glitch in its inception: what to call itself that wouldn't immediately turn off consumers...

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Funny story: Chimp's 'legal personhood' lawsuit a major threat to simians like George Dubya Bush

Chimp's 'legal personhood' lawsuit a major threat to simians like George Dubya Bush

New York - Lawyers acting for the 'Chimperor' ex-President of the United States are mounting a legal challenge to an animal frights charity lawsuit that's demanding constitutional parity for a New York chimp. Hairy Apes Anonymous is petitioning a...

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Funny story: Animal Rights Advocates Outraged Over Beaver Grooming Prank

Animal Rights Advocates Outraged Over Beaver Grooming Prank

Oregon - Animal rights advocates in the state of Oregon are outraged after a recent discovery in the Wilderness areas of their state. Ostensibly a group of hikers, during an expedition spotted an entire colony of SHAVED BEAVERS! "It's sickening.

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