Manchester United manager Sarah Ferguson is to retire at the end of the season. In her statement Fergie declared: 'The Queen has let it be known that I should no longer indulge in Association Football as Rugby Football is the only game (apart from Po...
A report by the Football Association has accidentally stumbled across information indicating that Sir Alex Ferguson is a Sith. The governing body was forced to launch an inquiry after various premiership clubs alleged that he had the ability to in...
Nemanja Vidic, who has been previously sent off three times against Manchester United's arch rivals Liverpool, today celebrated NOT being shown a red card as United edged their way to a 2-1 victory over the Anfield outfit. Serbian international V...
Old Trafford Farm, Manchester: The ring-leader of some muddied oafs who chase a bladder of wind across a farm meadow for a living, has got into trouble. Farmer Ferguson is his name and he has been shouting and getting red faced over Christmas. Rum...
Chelsea dictator Roman Abramovich has decided to relieve recently appointed manager Rafa Benitez of his duties after no games in charge. The news will come as no shock to most football fans as Abramovich is a notoriously hard man to please, a fact...
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney is facing a night in hospital after choking on a dismantled Rubik's Cube at his Cheshire home. Speaking from outside the People's Dispensary for Sick Animals (PDSA) in Warrington where Rooney is recu...
The football world is baffled at the way Man United always win after going behind and now the secret has been revealed after Jaggedone secretly sent in his CIA ( Cockroach Infiltration Army) to a team talk at Old Trafford. Star CIA reporter, Flatc...
Legendary former Manchester United striker Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has revealed he would relish the opportunity to manage his former club. The 'Baby Faced Assassin' as he's known at Old Trafford, despite never having assassinated anyone, currently ma...
Sir Alex Ferguson is planning to rotate his squad around as Manchester United visit Stamford Bridge for the second time in four days for a Capital One League Cup match. Sparks flied as the two teams met on Sunday in the Premier League. Chelsea we...
Emile Heskey is wanted by Conference side Macclesfield, who believe the former Aston Villa, Liverpool and England striker, can fire them back into the Football League. Full story: Daily Mirror Found his level? Former Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp, 65, says he still as passionate about the game now as he was 20 years ago. "Get me and Fergie together and we'll be talking about the good job M...
Usain Bolt, the fastest man on two legs, asked Sir Alex Ferguson if he could play for Manchester United, and the dour Scot has agreed to let him trial at an upcoming friendly. "I know he can run," said Sir Fergie. "I saw him in the Olympics. But c...
Liverpool midfielder Jonjo Shelvey, 20, whose grandmother is from Edinburgh, has held talks with the SFA about potentially representing Scotland. (Sunday Mirror) "See you Jimmy, I mean Jonjo" England manager Roy Hodgson insists he will stick with veterans Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and John Terry. Lampard, 34, Gerrard, 32, and Terry, 31, will not be discarded as they enter their 30s. (Dai...
Joey Barton: My heart is already in Marseille. (BBC Sport) Who knew that Joey had a heart? Tweet from Gary Lineker, BBC Sport "Proper Sunday. Football, roast for lunch, bottle of Lynch Bages '86 and more football" No Walkers Crisps? Darren Bent helps with police probe as cop cousin 'stole cash from dead' (The Sun) His cousins name is PC Richard Bent. aka Dick Bent. Scottish Cup: Ran...
Manchester United new boy Robin Van Persie has been sectioned under the mental health act. The shocking news comes after Van Persie claimed a little boy inside of him helps him make hard decisions in his life. United chiefs are said to be furio...
The merry-go-round in the English Premier league just keeps turning and turning as Arsenal sensationally buy back Robin van Persie from Manchester United! After Arsenal's dismal, blankety-blank display against the defensive Sunderland yesterday, w...
Manchester City win the Community Shield with goals from a 3-2 win over Chelsea at Villa Park. Fans who missed the game while watching the more entertaining ego-free Olympic coverage, could be excused thinking it was a another PR stunt by Max Clifford when the names of 2011/12 missing strikers Fernando Torres and Carlos Tevez both appeared on the scoresheet. Eyewitness video footage shows th...
As the football season rolls upon us once again and the transfer market goes mad, Man Utd have decided to back off of deals that have anything to do with 29 year-old super-Gunners, 26 year-old spoilt brats who refuse to play for Spurs and Brazilian,...
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