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Funny satire stories about Alan Shearer

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Funny story: Shearer hits Bullseye with the Toon!

Shearer hits Bullseye with the Toon!

Alan Shearer has given up spending afternoons in the bookies to take on the uphill struggle that will be keeping this once great team in the Premiership. "I'm ever so happy", mumbled the eloquent Geordie beaming his winning smile at the assembled...

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Funny story: Alan Shearer Appoints Shrek As Assistant

Alan Shearer Appoints Shrek As Assistant

Alan Shearer, the new Newcastle United manager, followed-up his sacking of cheeky chirpry Cockney chappy Dennis Wise yesterday, by today appointing his former Southampton striking partner, Shrek, as his assistant. Shrek, 44, has had unsuccessful s...

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Funny story: Alan Shearer resigns/sacked...

Alan Shearer resigns/sacked...

Alan Shearer, balding, has been sacked... or did he resign. The decision came a couple of minutes after Shearer's press conference, where the board are believed to be unimpressed by his constant fidgeting and annoying body shifting in his chair. T...

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Funny story: Jesus To Save The Toon

Jesus To Save The Toon

Jesus Christ has been give the job of saving Newcastle United from plunging into the pit of Hell (known as the Championship). In a shock move Newcastle owner Jack Pharisee said "We expect Jesus to be hailed when he arrives at St James' Park. The f...

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Funny story: Newcastle United: "We're Only Here For 8 Games"

Newcastle United: "We're Only Here For 8 Games"

Newcastle United today denied that they were planning on staying in the English Premier division. They insisted that they were only going to remain for another 8 games and would then slide quietly away without anyone noticing. Alan Geordie, the 'f...

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Funny story: Newcastle United Fans Rejoice As Dennis Wise Is Kicked Out On His Arse

Newcastle United Fans Rejoice As Dennis Wise Is Kicked Out On His Arse

There was jubilation on Tyneside for a second night in succession this evening, when, after Geordie folk hero Alan Shearer was confirmed as the new manager yesterday, the Executive Director of Football, Dennis Wise, was kicked out of his job and told...

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Funny story: Alan Shearer Facing Sack

Alan Shearer Facing Sack

Sir Alan Shearer, the former Newcastle United and England legend, who was last night installed as the Magpies' fourth manager this season, is already under intense pressure to deliver results and Premier League safety, and could face the sack as earl...

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Funny story: Alan Shearer April Fool's Day Joke Angers Newcastle United Fans

Alan Shearer April Fool's Day Joke Angers Newcastle United Fans

There were red faces all round at St James Park today when, after initial reports late last night announced that Newcastle United hero Alan Shearer was to take over the manager's position at the club, it emerged this morning that the whole thing was...

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Funny story: Alan Shearer To Make Newcastle United Comeback

Alan Shearer To Make Newcastle United Comeback

Alan Shearer, the record Newcastle United goalscorer, and the city's favourite son, is to leave the comfort of the Match of the Day sofa, and make a comeback for his beloved Magpies. Shearer, retired from football since 2006, will line up as centr...

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Funny story: Sunderland Appoint Keegan And Shearer

Sunderland Appoint Keegan And Shearer

Sunderland have hired Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer to steer them through the rest of the season in their battle against relegation, Niall Quinn confirmed in a press conference today. "We've thought long and hard about who we wanted", stated Quinn...

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Funny story: Shearer Sings for Geordie Nation

Shearer Sings for Geordie Nation

Alan Shearer has revealed a well-kept secret during his talks with Kevin Keegan, pleading for a top job at possibly the greatest football club in the world. The secret? Well namely that he is in fact a professionally-trained opera singer.

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Funny story: Toon Fans are the Best in Newcastle

Toon Fans are the Best in Newcastle

Last night our reporters witnessed what can only be described as a "Black and White" stampede for tickets.

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Funny story: 114, 000 see Shearer Arrange Flowers

114, 000 see Shearer Arrange Flowers

114,000 Geordies packed into St James Park, Newcastle - probably one of the greatest football stadiums in the entire world, last Thursday to see legendary goal scorer Alan Shearer give an outstanding demonstration of flower arranging.

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