Summer vacations are great. Everyone loves them, and these days, vacationing destinations are tailored for family-oriented fun and frolics. Holiday getaways are packaged and designed as much for kids as for adults. The last thing we, at The Spoof, want is for you to be confronted by are a bunch of bat-shit crazies brandishing assault rifles or machetes while you're being a beached whale - laying a...
1. Showing up there, unless you want to or need to.
2. Allowing yourself to be pissed upon from a great
height by your boss. He/she is not your parent.
He/ she doesn't know you. They only imagine they do.
That is how they got to be boss in the first place.
Like David Cameron got to be PM. 'Knows' everybody,
3. Misunderstanding the true nature of the...
1. He beats you up.
2. He doesn't beat you up. If he really loved you he would beat you up like your first husband... whom you should never have left but had to... because he beat you up.
3. You are not Jane enough to his Tarzan.
4. He is not Tarzan enough to your Jane.
5. He only married you for your money.
6. She only married you for your money.
7. He lusts after other women.
In a survey conducted in twenty American prisons concerning the relationship between crime and marriage break-up, it was concluded that one of the main problems in relationships was language.
Communication problems all devolved to the contrary understanding of the meaning of words. The comprehension of words however was mediated by false beliefs and values that were inherently pernicious or i...
1. I left my wallet at home.
2. Gee, you remind me of my mother.
3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass.
4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan.
5. Love is not sex.
6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do?
7. If I was a woman I'd sta...
1. Why was it never explained to us at school how and why the banks rule the world and have put politicians in power to help them?
2. Why did they lie to me by getting me to believe that if I created something wonderful or excellent that I would be guaranteed success? This is false I now know. A mediocre talent well connected to the right people is more likely to become a success than a genius...
1. Africans are black because they drink the stuff.
2. Guinness doesn't travel well. You drink enough of it you will be lucky to make it to the bathroom.
3. It is referred to fondly in Ireland as "liquid viagra".
4. Guinness taken in sufficient quantities produces all the affects of Oscar Wilde.
5. Irish bookmakers give free Guinness to all their customers; but they must drink at least...
1 : He has anyone who disagrees with him shot dead
2 : He insists on sending his Airforce Fighter Jets to invade the Airspace of small, neutral countries.
3 : He considers the citizens of Cornwall, a threat
4 : His idea of the Proof of Statesmanship is recording endless films of his wolf / bear - hunting exploits in Siberia, in which he appears bare/oily - chested, entouraged by appa...
How many of these insane beliefs have you bought into? If you are afflicted with one you are in bad shape. If you are afflicted with more than one you are a zombie.
Here is the belief system of the brainwashed commonly called 'culture'. It gets piped into your brain, wherever you are... 24/7.
(1). Government is set up for your welfare. That is why it is not allowed to print its own money. Y...
The Bronx - - The New York Yankees appear to have had enough of Alex Rodriguez. They don't like the way he "talks the talk."
They don't care for the way he "walks the walk." But what really upsets them is how his contract will "yank the bank" if...
Magazine UR-FKD's Health & Fitness Section has listed the following tips for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Several food chains and media outlets are threatening to sue the editor.
1. Understand the world is run by crooked, greedy people who think they are 'superior' to you and because the are 'superior' to you they actually own the world and everything in it... including you. You and yo...
1. I don't know why I'm here.
2. How do I know you are not crazier than me?
3. There is no such thing as the unconscious.
4. I'll pay you if I get cured.
5. Who was the crazier between Freud and Jung?
6. I don't want prescribed any drugs.
7. My daddy is a psychotherapist. That's why I'm here.
8. I think politicians should be psychologically tested before they stand for office...
How many of these embarrassing moments have you experienced?
1. Being fired for "total incompetence" in front of all your colleagues.
2. Accidentally stumbling across your new bride screwing her ex-beau on a snooker table during your wedding reception while you were searching the hotel rooms for the surprise honeymoon gift you had been keeping for her for months; a whirlwind trip for two to...
Life- An annoying thing that happens when you wake up in the morning.
Life- The commitment you don't remember having agreed to.
Life- 16 hours you have to live through before you can go back to bed again.
Life- A pain in the ass that doesn't limit itself to just that area.
Life- A journey on a sea of unknown depths.
Life- Two third of a day that it takes one third of a night to reco...
1. Freeze Turkey Giblets , then promote as genuine WW1 Christmas Truce Football Match Interval Edwardian 'Comfits' or 'Fancies'.
2. Mix up any old rubbish lurking in your fridge , with some Fruits Rouges ( or tinned Raspberries) and label it: 'French and/or Italian Rustic Preserve.'..then decant into any glass pot, stick a label in French or Italian onto it....money for old rope, but make sure...
The Top Ten Reasons to Join Scamatology Are:
* Good place to hide from your family since they will force you to disconnect from them anyways
* If you have too much money they will help you with that.
* Since Scamatology will take all your money, you won't need to file and pay taxes every year
* You will be able to serve and service many D List celebrities!
* Is your brain in need of servici...
1) The Isle of Wight contains less prisoners per head of the population than Alcatraz or San Quentin.
2) Despite over one hundred movies about daring escapes from The Isle of Wight, only one person, Harry Houdiney is known to have successfully escaped and lived to tell the tale in 1955.
3) How big was the average b and b room in 1943?
Each single room was 5 feet by 9 feet. Double rooms ha...
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!