Violent disorder broke out in Manchester tonight in the wake of the club's 3-2 victory over a plucky Aston Villa, following news that the club's American owners were preparing for a rebranding of the club, beginning with a name change. "United's a...
Ecstatic scenes today in Manchester as 'Fred The Red' Macheda, with back to goal, took one touch before curling a sublime right footed shot beyond the grasp of a desperate Brad Friedel and ever onward into the net, sealing a 3-2 victory for Mancheste...
Manchester Rovers are under investigation by the Soccerball Association, after they fielded a player with size 32 shoes. The player, Ronaldo McDonaldo, is a professional clown and regularly uses his 50cm (20") shoes to entertain the public. But th...
There were tense scenes at the UN Security Council this afternoon after it was confirmed the referee at the Cardiff City and Swansea City football derby was hit by a missile launched from North Korea, and not from a member of the crowd as was first c...
Alan Shearer, the so called 'saviour of Newcastle' was forced to admit last night that he was "not the messiah, but a very naughty boy." Speaking after Newcastle's 2-0 defeat to Chelsea, Shearer owned up to a elaborate hoax, after admitting that h...
Following Barack Obama entering London looking like an ass - or rather sitting on one - it was new Newcastle United manager Alan Shearer's turn to get the Messiah treatment today. Thousands of adoring people lined the streets of Newcastle-upon-Tyn...
Manchester United have had enough. And that's official. Following complaints that the Premiership was turning into a one horse race, United capitulated to an embarrassing, soul destroying defeat against the scouse hun, and a defeat away to a bunch of...
Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor have been invited to play the rest of their football careers for DC United at the exclusive invitation of Barack Obama. DC and Obama handed out the invitation after the pair were banned by Scottish soccer Gers bos...
Manchester United have been rocked just hours before their Sunday clash with Aston Villa after striker Dimitar Berbatov was ruled out for two weeks with a mood injury. The sullen Bulgarian star suffered the problem in the 2-0 defeat at Fulham two...
Alan Shearer has given up spending afternoons in the bookies to take on the uphill struggle that will be keeping this once great team in the Premiership. "I'm ever so happy", mumbled the eloquent Geordie beaming his winning smile at the assembled...
Alan Shearer, the new Newcastle United manager, followed-up his sacking of cheeky chirpry Cockney chappy Dennis Wise yesterday, by today appointing his former Southampton striking partner, Shrek, as his assistant. Shrek, 44, has had unsuccessful s...
Alan Shearer, balding, has been sacked... or did he resign. The decision came a couple of minutes after Shearer's press conference, where the board are believed to be unimpressed by his constant fidgeting and annoying body shifting in his chair. T...
Ashley Cole is set to renew the signing of his contract at a lavish ceremony in Dubai. His agent, Phil Yerboots, said "I can confirm that Ashley is seeking to show how strong his commitment to his wallet is. By renewing the signing of his contract he...
American President Barack Obama was today appointed manager of Newcastle United F.C. 'People of Newcastle', he said, 'I am honored to be the manager of, let us not forget, what is one of the most admired and supported teams in England. I mean - wh...
Jesus Christ has been give the job of saving Newcastle United from plunging into the pit of Hell (known as the Championship). In a shock move Newcastle owner Jack Pharisee said "We expect Jesus to be hailed when he arrives at St James' Park. The f...
Newcastle United today denied that they were planning on staying in the English Premier division. They insisted that they were only going to remain for another 8 games and would then slide quietly away without anyone noticing. Alan Geordie, the 'f...
There was jubilation on Tyneside for a second night in succession this evening, when, after Geordie folk hero Alan Shearer was confirmed as the new manager yesterday, the Executive Director of Football, Dennis Wise, was kicked out of his job and told...
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