A grim Headmaster, followed by his staff walked into the school assembly and went onto the stage so they could look down on the uneasy crowd of boys beneath them. 'Someone has been lying and no one will leave this room until I find out who it was' brayed the Headmaster. Silence. 'Come on I know who you are. You just have to have the guts to admit it!' 'It could be me, Sir' piped a frig...
Unnamed sources in Whitehall have revealed a loophole in parliamentary procedure covering conditions of service. Thanks to this flaw, MP's who are currently serving prison sentences for dishonestly claiming expenses can continue to claim expenses...
Kenneth Clarke, the human face of Conservatism, and (for the moment) Justice Secretary has been told by Prime Minister, Cameron to 'CUT IT OUT!', following Clarke's comments in the 'Daily Telegraph' (of all places) that the middle classes have not ap...
In a bold move to re-establish confidence in our MP's David Cameron made the decision to fit a revolutionary new lie detector in the House of Commons, but that decision may now have back fired. The device engineered by a German scientist and teste...
From Dense Inchcock Spoorf Gazette Reporter - 10th Feb 2011 - 1049hrs Disgraced former Labour MP Eric Illsley faces a possible prison term when he is sentenced for fiddling his expenses. Illsley, 55, was under massive pressure to stand down as the member for Barnsley Central after he pleaded guilty last month to dishonestly claiming some £14,500 of public money. But he did not quit as an...
With the news that over half Tory funds come from the City - £11.4 million in total last year - George Osborne has increased the tax on Banks by £800 million. Among the party of 60 City donors who gave more than £50,000 to the Tories there was dis...
To replace State funded and establishment humour the Conservative Party have put forward the exciting idea of the BIG JOKE. In future all humour will be created by volunteers. This will save huge amounts of groaning and stifled yawns and should transform the Government's image with the electorate. However, retiring General Secretary of The Raving Loonies Party, Bill Scrap, said that with the...
David Cameron, aware that he is losing popularity and that Nick Clegg as Deputy PM has too much on his plate has been revising his Cabinet in a reshuffle which is aimed at lifting the opinion poll rating of the Government. Nick Clegg, after being...
London - (Pander Diplomacy): The BGM-109A Tomahawk Land Attack missile, complete with live W80 nuclear warhead, was embedded in mud twenty foot below the low tide mark abutting the Stranger's Bar terrace. Royal Navy Marines took over five hours t...
The Con/Dem government was in turmoil today as ministers discussed whether to ban farting in public. In a recent case in Malawi two judges argued over a bill to ban farting in that country. Prime Minister David Cameron is all in favour of this...
David Cameron Would Like You to.... To MP's Expense fiddles you will all eventually acclimatise, Realise MPs do not tell an untruth, or lie they aphorise, Never force of expect fiddling MPs to apologise, Support your MP when charges of dishonesty arise, Not complain when we give ourselves a massive pay rise, Realise that the poor, we have to bully and brutalise, Accept for Old...
Petite speaker John Bercow, 5'3', was forced to apologize after a physical row with Ed Miliband when he took offense to the Labour Leader licking his lips incessantly while ogling the recent naked picture of his wife Sally, 6'7" smeared all over loca...
The Government has asked Jeremy Hunt to head up a Commission of the future to be called 'Ignorance is Bliss'. There are several strands to this new policy which will be popular with the electorate and ensure a Tory Government for the rest of time.
Rare Unprompted Thoughts This morning, after I'd filed away the just delivered overdue Eon Bill letter, I had another attack of bemusing mental meanderings, that came to me while I was having my breakfast, six slices of margarined toast, eight cups of strong tea, and my medication. Here is the outcome, I hope you can understand where it came from, and what it means. (If so please let me k...
Revelations that John and Helen Bercow's love life has been boosted by living in their official apartment are no surprise to embarrassed neighbours. House of Commons' Speaker's wife Helen has astonished Parliament by taking part in a photo shoot,...
LONDON - At Westminster, something incredible happened. An MP stood up and asked Parliament to pass a law. Sharon Hodgson is the MP who has launched a private member's bill in the House of Commons, which apes a law that already exists and seems to...
The Spoof Gazette scoop, reveals that the Government and opposition Cabinet members has come up with an idea to make up their losses, due to having their expense fiddlings limited now that it is being monitored by their fellow crooks in the Government, and they must be more careful not to get caught. It has been proposed that members record a cover version of previous hit records, to be release...
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