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Funny satire stories about Old People

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Funny story: Sainsbury's to ban pensioners on Saturdays

Sainsbury's to ban pensioners on Saturdays

Following complaints from a large number of customers, supermarket giants Sainsbury's have decided to take the unprecedented step of banning pensioners from all of their superstores on Saturdays.

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Funny story: Florida Bans 'Early Bird' Dinner Specials: Pensioners Flee in Droves

Florida Bans 'Early Bird' Dinner Specials: Pensioners Flee in Droves

Minneowakmookookeekee, FL---The Florida Senate today upheld and passed a law proposed by the Florida House, banning restaurants from having "Early Bird Special" buffets. This has come in the wake of statewide violence amongst octogenarians...

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Funny story: Old woman is splashed in swimming pool!

Old woman is splashed in swimming pool!

London (Ass' Press) Earlier today, police had to be called to a local swimming baths, just round the back of Kentish Town. Where an old lady had been splashed by someone, possibly younger than her, in the local p...

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Funny story: "Mind if I join you?" Skaggy judge asked freed crack dealer OAP

"Mind if I join you?" Skaggy judge asked freed crack dealer OAP

GRANDMOTHER of five, Dorothea Wilberton, has sparked a legal controversy after a judge directed a jury to acquit the 76-year-old of drugs charges after accepting her argument that crack cocaine was 'like a tonic' to her.

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Funny story: Pensioners Freeze in Tropical Heatwave

Pensioners Freeze in Tropical Heatwave

The recent heatwave and soaring global temperatures are just not enough for the elderly and infirm of Great Britain who today complained, "It's bitter out."...

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Funny story: Dr Sanjay Gupta Finds Answer to Fountain of Youth

Dr Sanjay Gupta Finds Answer to Fountain of Youth

The CNN Chief Medical correspondent has a apparently found the fountain of youth. In his waste of time documentary, Gupta found a way to prevent ageing. This explains the longevity of certain CNN journalists who seem to defy death and age: Larry King...

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Funny story: Old people should be tracked by satellite

Old people should be tracked by satellite

London - (Rotters): The UK charity Age Concern says that satellite tracking should be used to allow families to monitor elderly relatives, especially those with a tendency to impose themselves on foreign countries on the pretext of yet another totall...

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Funny story: Man turns father into musical instrument

Man turns father into musical instrument

Czech Republic Gazette - In an effort to stave off the inevitable poverty of his family, a young man - Dimitri Ilyava (23) has devoted the last 2 years to perfecting a street act that is labelled as bizarre by some and genius by othe...

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Funny story: Knight Rider Trans Am Kitt Up For Sale

Knight Rider Trans Am Kitt Up For Sale

K.I.T.T., The Knight Industries Two Thousand talking car from the 80's television show Knight Rider, is up for sale. The car, which had artificial intelligence, spoke, nad had an attitude helped David Hasselhoff to catch the bad guys in the week...

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Funny story: Cate Blanchett won't tell Harrison Ford he's too old for Indiana Jones.

Cate Blanchett won't tell Harrison Ford he's too old for Indiana Jones.

In the tradition of Rocky and Rambo, another ex-action star refuses to recognize that he's old.

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Funny story: Easter island: Incest eggs orgy shame

Easter island: Incest eggs orgy shame

Easter island- This small isolated outcrop of rock stranded in the vast blue desert of the pacific ocean is known the world over for its mysterious giant stone heads and its barren treeless hills.

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Funny story: El Salvador woman wins Most Overdue Death of the Year award

El Salvador woman wins Most Overdue Death of the Year award

A woman believed to be one of the oldest living people in history died yesterday at the age of 128, the equivalent of two pensioners. Cruz Hernandez was born May 3 1878, the year Thomas Edison patented the phonograph and just one of the years Britain...

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Funny story: Tommy Lee Finds Out His Own Age

Tommy Lee Finds Out His Own Age

Rock star and occasional porn star Tommy Lee was shocked to have his actual age revealed to him by a roadie yesterday; and subsequently cried for four hours straight. It happened by chance when the anonymous crew member told the Motley Crue drummer,...

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Funny story: 96 Year Old Mobster Pleads Guilty

96 Year Old Mobster Pleads Guilty

96 year old former mobster for the infamous Genovese crime family, Albert "The Old Man" Facchiano, whose arrest record dates back 75 years, used a cane in court and needed a head-set to hear questions from District Judge James Cohn as he pl...

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Funny story: Nasty NASA Bans Plucky Pat From Mars Mission

Nasty NASA Bans Plucky Pat From Mars Mission

It's a sad day today for Pat Spacecadet from Edinburgh, as he is finally facing reality and giving up on his dream of being the first man to set foot on Mars.

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Funny story: New Rocky Film to Create OAP ASBO Surge

New Rocky Film to Create OAP ASBO Surge

LONDON - The Home Office is expecting a big increase in the number of older people resorting to violence and anti-social behaviour following the release of the latest Rocky Balboa film this weekend.

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Funny story: Social Services To Open Octogenarian Dispute Settlement Center For Holidays

Social Services To Open Octogenarian Dispute Settlement Center For Holidays

Social Services decided to open up octogenarian dispute settlement centers today in Tampa and other cities across the nation. The purpose of the centers is to serve seniors and help them resolve problems with older family members over the holidays. A...

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