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Funny story: Schwarzenegger Runs for President: Discovers US Birth Certificate

Schwarzenegger Runs for President: Discovers US Birth Certificate

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he is running for the Republican nomination for the 2008 presidential election.

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Funny story: Calves Protest at Mars Bars U-turn

Calves Protest at Mars Bars U-turn

The National Union of Calves today released a statement condemning Masterfoods for their u-turn in using mashed up dead baby calf in its chocolate products.

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Funny story: Steve Jobs of Apple Announces Mac on a Chip

Steve Jobs of Apple Announces Mac on a Chip

Steve Jobs announced today that Apple has pulled off another technological feat, putting everything that goes into a Macintosh computer onto a single chip. The new series of computers will be called the iChip.

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Funny story: Global Warming Spawns New Crisis: Spatial Warming

Global Warming Spawns New Crisis: Spatial Warming

Global warming experts have discovered a new problem associated with the coming catastrophe. Top NASA scientist James E. Hansen points to a growing concern over spatial warming.

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Funny story: Record Wrecked in Cornwall

Record Wrecked in Cornwall

A record number of people may have ended up wrecked in Cornwall today after as much as £250m worth of superskunk was believed to have been found.

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Funny story: MySpace Bans Ron Paul

MySpace Bans Ron Paul

MySpace today banned Ron Paul from participating in the online service. New owner Rupert Murdoch said that Paul was bad for democracy. "Once people hear what he has to say, they like him," noted Murdoch, "and we can't have people m...

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Funny story: Lily Allen Admits To Being Fat And Ugly

Lily Allen Admits To Being Fat And Ugly

Popster Lily Allen, who is absolutely wonderful, has checked into a weight loss clinic after confessing recently to fans on her Myspace page that she was "fat, ugly, fugly and a worse crooner than Amy Winehouse".

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Funny story: No Walking in Woking!

No Walking in Woking!

The rise in people walking has risen says, one walking expert from Woking.

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Funny story: Government To Close Down Rural Britain

Government To Close Down Rural Britain

The Government is to announce plans to close down rural Britain, and to develop super eco-cities, each populated by upwards of 5 million people. The idea was that of new Labour leader Gordon Whatsisname

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Funny story: 'Bokito' the 400-pound gorilla escapes Rotterdam Zoo; Critics say 'Knut' Controversy is to blame

'Bokito' the 400-pound gorilla escapes Rotterdam Zoo; Critics say 'Knut' Controversy is to blame

Amsterdam, Netherlands - After going on a wild rampage through the Rotterdam Zoo, sending holiday seekers in a panic, injuring four people, biting one woman in the forearm, smashing the glass to gain entrance to the quickly emptied grounds restaurant...

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Funny story: New Lybrel Birth Control Pill Promises No Menstrual Bleeding

New Lybrel Birth Control Pill Promises No Menstrual Bleeding

Lybrel, a new birth control pill scheduled to go on the market this summer, has promised that users will never experience menstrual bleeding or any of the other bad effects of the menstrual cycle. The pill will be available from doctors by prescript...

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Funny story: Gordon Brown Allows MPs To Become Secret!

Gordon Brown Allows MPs To Become Secret!

In a hugely controversial move, Gordon Brown, who has been Prime Minister of Britain for 10 years, finally allowed MPs to be gay, cavort around parks naked, and receive erotic love letters from their constituents.

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Funny story: Paris Hilton's Skull Site of Dense Black Hole - Hawking

Paris Hilton's Skull Site of Dense Black Hole - Hawking

Stephen Hawking, the amazingly brilliant Briton, who is Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge University, author of several outstanding books, and arguably the most intelligent person on the planet, announced yesterday that he theorizes that...

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Funny story: Michael Jackson Drops Bid to Block Vegas Auction

Michael Jackson Drops Bid to Block Vegas Auction

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Las Vegas - Michael Jackson's lawyers dropped a bid to block an auction of a warehouse full of Jackson's belongings. It was a failed business venture that wound Jackson up in the bankruptcy court.

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Funny story: Police Chiefs Protest At 'Easy Targets'

Police Chiefs Protest At 'Easy Targets'

The Police Federation has called on ministers to abandon 'arrest targets' which, they say, have forced officers into ludicrous decisions to apprehend and throw in jail, perpetrators of nothing more than every...

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Funny story: American Idol Spinoff: The 2008 Presidential Race; Bill Clinton Onboard

American Idol Spinoff: The 2008 Presidential Race; Bill Clinton Onboard

The American Idol producers at FremantleMedia today announced a new spinoff of their successful series, involving the 2008 Presidential race. CEO David Ellender, speaking in New York City, said that the company had secured an agreement with former Pr...

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Funny story: Paris Hiltons Pussy goes hungry whilst she is in custody!

Paris Hiltons Pussy goes hungry whilst she is in custody!

LA, USA, Global ASS' Press: - Wonderful human being, celebrity role model and animal lover Paris Hilton is know for her love of small fury things but has had to put her cuddly friends behind her as she prepares t...

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