Manchester United have stunned the football world by signing a paraplegic to replace Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez. John Cole has been signed, subject to a stringent medical, and is expected to join pre season training in Skegness. Sir Alex Whinger, lo...
Heartthrob sex symbol Cristiano Ronaldo has been in negotiations to return to Manchester united just weeks after his record-breaking transfer to Real Madrid. The footballer said he wanted to come back to Manchester because the players there are fa...
Eric Cantona, philosopher, actor, poet, French tosser, sometime footballer has criticised Ronaldo for his recent attack on a 17-year-old girl. Ronaldo allegedly kicked in the window of the girl fan when he saw her taking video footage of him and h...
Joan Laporta will not be outdone by perennial archrival Real Madrid. In a surprise move this morning, the Barça president signed Samuel E'too from Inter Milan in an effort to "steal the thunder" from tomorrow's predicted sellout crowd for the officia...
Manchester United are set to humiliate their arch rivals by signing every single one of Alex Ferguson's team. "Tevez was just the beginning", said an insider, "Rooney,Anderson, Giggsy, Scholes, Rio Ferdinand the whole lot of 'em are coming over to...
In a daring move, Hull City manager Phil Brown announced last night that the club are hoping to sign out of contract Newcastle United and England striker Michael Owen. The player has recently been touting his CV around Premier League clubs, but no...
Weeks after Real Madrid's summer draft coup with the signing of superstr strikers Kaka and Ronaldo, Barça president, Joan Laporta, is still reeling from the aftermath. "What's wrong with these people?" fumed Laporta to a roomful of tabloid reporte...
Manchester United have dipped into the transfer market and made what is arguably the signing of the century. Barry "Tash" Chuckle has always been know as a children's comedian but Sir Alex Ferguson spotted his talent whilst watching German Pornograph...
The final match of the season at Playwell Park between Skullface United and Brokeback Rovers in the local Sunday League predictably ended in trouble. Brokeback winger, Alan Spanner, who arrived at the game with a bad hangover was sidelined chuckin...
Argentinian striker Carlos Tevez today turned down a lucrative five year contract with Manchester United after the club had agreed to meet his owner's financial demands, preferring instead a deal to move to Manchester City! Outraged United fans co...
Harvard professor Gene Genepool today announced that the multi-billion dollar sport of soccer, slavishly followed by billions of people all over the world will die out as a spectator sport within the next two years. Professor Genepool told us that...
Barcelona FC president, Joan Laporta, continues to be dazed and confused over the recent player acquisitions of perennial archrival Real Madrid. Over the weekend, Laporta was seen at the Montmeló race circuit witnessing how staunch Barça supporter...
Manchester Utd manager Sir Alec Ferguson was fuming today when he found out that the transfer fee paid for Christiano Ronaldo was not 80milion pounds as originally thought but was actually 80million pesetas. Traditional Values Although pesetas...
Man United officials today prepared to smash the world transfer record as they boarded a plane bound for Dublin. It's been strongly hinted at, that following Cristiano Ronaldo's Real Madrid move United are prepared to flex their financial muscle by p...
This was the astonishing claim made today by Donald Skoob, a janitor and general dogsbody at Salford University following Cristiano Ronaldo's sensational £80 million move to Real Madrid. He told us: "All these United fans who keep popping up sayin...
£80 million Real Madrid soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo celebrated his lucrative move to the Spanish giants by going out on the lash in Hollywood. Ronaldo was seen and snapped by photographers in My House nightclub in Hollywood knocking back the dri...
Football star Ronaldo has denied that his transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid is all about money. At a press conference earlier today he denied that the transfer was for no other reason than he wanted to go to Madrid to that he could en...
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