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Funny story: The Bartholomew Uttersthwaite Column: The Kenneth Clarke Interview

The Bartholomew Uttersthwaite Column: The Kenneth Clarke Interview

7 months ago: I managed to got permission to hold an interview with The Right Honourable Kenneth Clarke QC MP, Lord Chancellor, Secretary of State for Justice for the UK. For Thursday 5th April this year. I had to inform them of all the questions and possible questions I might ask him, 6 months in advance. 6 months ago: Mr Clarke's first assistant, The Rt Hon Lord McNally Minister of State...

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Funny story: Who stole the Isle of Wight? Part the first

Who stole the Isle of Wight? Part the first

Mr Gongle stood at the window of his bungalow and raised the telescope to his eye. "Fuck me Maude!" He cried, "Some bastards nicked the Solent!" "What you going on about Eric" Said his wife, as she placed the breakfast tray on the table. "The fuckin Solent has been stolen some bastard has had it away with the whole lot!" "Whatever gives you that idea Eric, you been drinking the Cuban b...

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Funny story: Oldham Police raid on a marijuana farm leaves them red faced

Oldham Police raid on a marijuana farm leaves them red faced

Police in Oldham, Lancashire, have been left red faced after raiding a suspicious warehouse in the Lees area. "Our intelligence was good," said detective in charge, Katrina Kitts. "The warehouse was drawing unusual power, locals had seen dodgy loo...

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Funny story: Neapolitan Police Service Savaged by Animal Rights Watchdog Over Shooting of Crazed Dog

Neapolitan Police Service Savaged by Animal Rights Watchdog Over Shooting of Crazed Dog

The Neapolitan Police Service today came under fire from an animal rights watchdog, following the shooting in East London of a Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Prior to the shooting, the crazed dog had viciously savaged five police officers, some of whom...

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Funny story: Top Ten Worst 911 Calls!

Top Ten Worst 911 Calls!

10. "This is CA3! Charlie Alpha Three! No UFO's reported in the past 24 hours. Geronimo Amish Buggy! Repeat: Geronimo Amish Buggy!" 9. "I've had these HIC! hiccups for a week. Send someone over to scare me!" 8. "How long does it take for a 20-pound turkey to thaw?" 7. "Send a big officer right away. I can't get this lid off the jar and I've even ran hot water over it!" 6. "Bedbugs!...

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Funny story: London Police Station Explosion Latest!

London Police Station Explosion Latest!

Park Lane, London: Controversy has raged since the announcement from the Metropolitan Police with regards to whether an explosion occurred at either Croydon or Park Lane Police Stations. What is known is that fire crews from Woodside, Croydon, No...

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Funny story: Rebekah Brooks Arrested Again

Rebekah Brooks Arrested Again

The former Sun and News of the World editor Rebekah Brooks has been arrested again by police investigating the phone hacking scandal. It is believed that police turned up at her Oxfordshire home at 6am this morning primarily so they could catch Br...

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Funny story: Person With Mental Disorder Shot By a Police Officer That Also Has Mental Disorder

Person With Mental Disorder Shot By a Police Officer That Also Has Mental Disorder

TOKELAU, NZ (CWTS World News) -- Cray Zeeman, a person with schizophrenia, was shot by a police officer that also had schizophrenia after going on a rampage in a gasoline station. According to the gasoline station's cashier and some CCTV camera fo...

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Funny story: Little Divot Police In Massive Drugs Haul

Little Divot Police In Massive Drugs Haul

The sleepy village of Little Divot was left shaken to the core yesterday after a record haul of cannabis was discovered. Police launched a dawn raid on a property in Marrakech Avenue at 5am yesterday morning following a tip off from a neighbour.

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Funny story: Marmite and Whitebread - a new detective series

Marmite and Whitebread - a new detective series

Sky Atlantic has commissioned a gritty new detective series which promises to break the mould as far as stereotyping in US TV cop shows is concerned. Marmite and Whitebread are two tough, ambitious cops who have been thrown together by the top bra...

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Funny story: Undercover cop who impregnated suspect suddenly pops up on police dating website

Undercover cop who impregnated suspect suddenly pops up on police dating website

London - An eco campaigner who reckons she got pregnant after insemination by an undercover cop complained today his mugshot is on the home page of CoppersNark.con. "Of course now he's a Detective Superintendent I expect his subscription rate has...

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Funny story: Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

Catholic Leaders Protest Sex-Abuse Investigations- "These Traumatic Surprise Intrusions Violate Our Privacy"

ROME - Claiming that "presumptuous and thuggish impositions of will have disrupted the peace of our lives," a consortium of Catholic leaders around the world has formed in vehement protest of "traumatizing and intrusive" police investigations into re...

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Funny story: Pensioner Ejected from Bus in Nottingham - Police attended the ensuing fracas

Pensioner Ejected from Bus in Nottingham - Police attended the ensuing fracas

A public disturbance took place yesterday on Mansfield Road, outside the Victoria Centre Shopping main entrance in Nottingham City centre. Police were called to a fracas on a number 58 bus, as the driver tried to eject a male pensioner, who it see...

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Funny story: Police Hire Sharks to Halt Drug Traffic

Police Hire Sharks to Halt Drug Traffic

VENICE, CALIF. -- The police chief of this small beachside suburb yesterday contracted with an international fish monger to lease three, drug-sniffing great white sharks. "I'm going to turn'em loose in our famous Venice canals," said Chief Ratchet. "...

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Funny story: Brian Cox In More Hot Water As Town Suffers Black-Out Crime Spree

Brian Cox In More Hot Water As Town Suffers Black-Out Crime Spree

TV space egghead Brian Cox is in more trouble today after a small west country town was devastated by a spate of burglaries last night. The crimes were committed during a town-wide black-out, co-ordinated as part of Cox's three-night BBC2 astronom...

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Funny story: London riots postponed as game of football breaks out between Tottenham and Everton

London riots postponed as game of football breaks out between Tottenham and Everton

The London Riots were postponed last night on police advice after a game of football broke out at White Hot Lane between two teams of eleven footballers. The final day of riots had been pencilled in for early January after the scheduled date in Au...

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Funny story: Charlie Sheen's Heidi Montag Blow Up Inflatable Doll Mysteriously Blows Up!

Charlie Sheen's Heidi Montag Blow Up Inflatable Doll Mysteriously Blows Up!

SHERMAN OAKS - Police were recently called to the Mulholland Estates Mansion of actor Charlie Sheen after reports of some kind of explosion was called in by a neighbor. According to Sherman Oaks Police, a call was received at police headquarters f...

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