Bus Shelter, Olympic Route Network (ORN), LONDON: As the Busker sings, thoughts come to the conscious mind. Five Olympic wheel rings on my wagon, And I'm still rolling along, The Met Police are chasing me Tasers fly, right on by, But I'm singing a happy song. I'm singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high Olympic Lanes, there for five wheeled wagons A mile up the road, there's a Police...
The picturesque village of Little Divot suffered yet another in a long line of headline making calamities after three local residents met their maker in a most undignified way. The three perverted victims, named locally as Randy B'Stard, Fanny So...
Monday 2nd July 2012 Topic: NHS waiting time - QMC - City Hospital "Waiting times at Nottingham hospitals up by 82%" Source: Nottingham Post Extract: THE number of patients waiting longer than four hours in Nottingham's only accident and emergency unit has almost doubled in the past year. Figures show that 10,831 patients were kept waiting for more than four hours in 2011-12 - a ris...
Sunday 24th June 2012 Topic: Crime - Murder "Nottingham man appears in court over stabbing death" Source: BBC News Extract A 21-year-old Nottingham man has appeared before city magistrates charged with murder. Marcin Cwiakalo, of Osborne Street, Radford, was remanded in custody and is due to appear at Nottingham Crown Court on 25 June. He is accused of fatally stabbing Mark Blade...
Sunday 10th June 2012 Monday 18th June 2012 Topic: Crime - Robbery - Violence "Cash stolen in security van raid in Bingham, Notts" Source:Source: BBC News Extract: Two men are being sought by police following the theft of cash from a security van in Bingham, Nottingham. The Vauxhall van was parked outside Toot Hill School, in The Banks, at about 11:45 BST when thieves struck.
Professor Finn L. Straw is threatening to blow up one of the BBC's broadcasting masts if his demands are not met. The drama began last night as this publication went to press. His protest concerns the use of the word "them" instead of "those" and the...
In a story that Tampa, Florida police are attempting to keep quiet, an eighty year old naked lady was Tasered by a local constable late yesterday. According to media reports, the deputy stopped the woman in a "stop & frisk" operation. No one could explain, why? The media respecting the woman's privacy is withholding her name. Reporters were allowed to question the arresting officer after he...
TIJUANA, Mexico - Lindsay Lohan told her probation officer that she was going to visit Tijuana, Mexico to buy a special type of huaraches (sandals) that are not sold anywhere in the United States. Lohan crossed into Mexico and wandered around pret...
Interpol Headquarters, Lyon -SERN officials have announced a "joint partnership," Involving Scotland Yard and the International Criminal Police Organization as the largest particle hunt in history goes into full gear to capture the elusive Higgs Boso...
Westminster Hall, LONDON: Home Office Minister, Nick Herbert, has importantly announced that Undercover Police, can have sex with suspects, if abstaining would 'blow job' their cover... Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 (RIPA) allows un...
Driving Daily - Britain's favourite car mad mag for over 50 years - EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JAMES MAY, JEREMY CLARKSON AND RICHARD HAMMOND AFTER THEY WERE CAUGHT SMUGGLING 400 JARS OF ELEPHANT SPERM IN THE BACK OF A 1982 FORD CORTINA IN INDIA. Learners be warned, your dreams of owning and driving your own car are about to be pulverised! As of 1st January 2013 budding motorists will be force...
Inspector Corner, Detective Pong, Sergeant Hump and Constable Hall had all journeyed from Scotland Yard in the special Ford Anglia overhead camshaft pursuit vehicle, in response to a call from Sussex Constabulary about an exploding butler. The Ford Anglia had a synchromesh gearbox and vacuum-powered windscreen wipers and it was a remarkable vehicle. It inspired many remarks, especially when peo...
Exactly when Sacramento, California police chief's wife, Sally Ice, lost her orgasm is unknown. It seemingly disappeared somewhere between St. Valentine's Day and this morning when she first noticed it was gone. Fortunately for Mrs. Ice, her hu...
Monday 14th May 2012 Topic: Crime - Another elderly person attacked "Elderly Nott's woman injured in burglary" Source: Notts Police Extract: Police are hunting a man who injured an elderly woman during an armed burglary in Worksop on Saturday (12 May). The burglar entered the home of the 88-year-old woman at around 9.45pm, armed with a six-inch knife. He demanded money from the woman but sh...
Fans of TV sleuthing have a difficult decision to make this evening as ITV's popular Oxford-set Lewis is back, clashing with Bones on Sky Living. Lewis and his brainy sidekick Hathaway have to solve the murder of an academic who had been wrestling...
An elderly man is staggering along the street, carrying a moose's head and humming the theme tune to The Forsyte Saga. A police Sergeant appears with a Constable. Sergeant: 'Now then now then my lad. What's all this here then, eh? I'm going to have to ask you to blow into this here balloon.' The man blows the balloon up. It turns out to be one of those long twisty ones. Sergeant: 'See...
Surrey police are on the look-out for a 3-year-old wheelie-bin which went missing over the weekend. Ruby Shanstuff of Moorlitter Street was devastated over her bin's disappearance. "It had all my best rubbish in it," she cried, before phoning the...
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