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Funny story: Top Ten Books w/e 20/03/09

Top Ten Books w/e 20/03/09

1) "Ghostwriter". Jordan's latest pot-boiler takes us deep into the size-zero (brain) world of modelling. 2) "Darwin? Schmarwin". This thought-provoking tome asks the question; "If natural selection really occurs, how come mankind is probably more stupid now than at any time in it's history?". With free beard. 3) "Lewis Hamilton's Monaco Cookbook". Formula One World Champion multi-millionai...

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Funny story: Top Ten Books w/e 13/03/09

Top Ten Books w/e 13/03/09

The comprehensive list of the top ten books for the week ending March 13th 2009. Every one a must buy! 1) "Complete Bus Tickets of the World". Leather-bound deluxe collector's edition with colour photos, this tome is the last word on this fascinating subject, although pricey at £42. 2) "Kerry Katona's book of Motherhood". Wipe-clean version of the indispensible guide for new mums. This year'...

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Funny story: Top Ten reasons NOT to trust Gordon Brown

Top Ten reasons NOT to trust Gordon Brown

In my article today I list the ten reasons to NEVER trust our prime minister, Gordon Brown. 10. He is Scottish 9. His mouth is askew when he speaks 8. He hates Achmed the Dead Terrorist (who can't resist him?) 7. He lives at No. 10 6. He has wife 5. He enjoys watching Alastair Darling make mistakes, only to make the same ones the next week! 4. He spens more time online than with his wife...

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Funny story: Top 15 Things Most People Didn't Know Were In New Trillion Dollar Bailout Plan

Top 15 Things Most People Didn't Know Were In New Trillion Dollar Bailout Plan

$100 for Snuggie for Senator Byrd. $2,000 for four cases of Beano for Senator McCain if he'll stop saying, "I just blew you a kiss." $200,000 to keep Cindy Sheehan camped outside Bush ranch. $1,000,000 for Jeremiah Wright to shut his yap about America's chickens coming to roost. $150 for new basketball goal set up in White House basement. $20,000 to provide Senator Craig his own pri...

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Funny story: Money Saving Tips from TheSpoof.com

Money Saving Tips from TheSpoof.com

We're all watching our spending lately, so here's some tips on saving cash from The Spoof's money expert. 1. Save on your water bill by not flushing your toilet after every time you use it. Also, don't use it. 2. You can also save water by taking baths instead of showers. Then, when your skin gets all wrinkly, cash in on those "senior discounts." 3. Find out which bars have free food duri...

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Funny story: 10 Things To Do After Logging On To TheSpoof.com

10 Things To Do After Logging On To TheSpoof.com

There's no point in adding tags here because nobody ever reads the Magazine section anyway. Where was I? Oh yes... 10 things to do after logging on to TheSpoof.com: 1:- Go to the fridge for another beer. 2:-Shake your head in bewilderment and wonder to yourself: What the hell is wrong with these people? 3:- Think to yourself - hang on, this is kind of funny. Ish. 4:- Think to...

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Funny story: Ten Top Vegetarian Meals

Ten Top Vegetarian Meals

You thought this was going to be a vegetarian article didn't you? Well, in my opinion, all vegetarians should be shot. With a high calibre gun. So here's a carnivore's guide: 1 - Fillet steak with chips and salad. Cooked medium rare. Get out of that one then veggies. 2 - The humble bacon butty - allegedly the one thing that veggies miss the most. Lovely fresh bread, sizzling bacon.

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Funny story: 10 Ways To Please The Woman In Your Life - A Geezer's Guide

10 Ways To Please The Woman In Your Life - A Geezer's Guide

Just in case you guys were wondering, here are ten ways GUARANTEED to please your significant other. 1- Tell her she's gorgeous, even first thing in the morning when she looks like a puffy eyed war veteran. 2 - Tell her dinner was delicious, even if it was a heap of shit with gravy. Tell her it was lovely. 3 - When you're about to go out, tell her that she looks so ravishiing that you'd r...

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Funny story: Top Ten Reasons Why Bush didn't sign any Presidential Pardons:

Top Ten Reasons Why Bush didn't sign any Presidential Pardons:

10) Bush was confident that history would absolve his actions (and those acting under his authority) that was fully sanctioned by Congress; freely surrendering their Constitutional power to declare war to our nation's Twenty-First Century wartime president. 9) Bush didn't know how to translate the word "Pardon" from Mexican into Texican. 8) Sometime during the "Last Night in the White House...

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Funny story: Top Ten Reasons Why Golf is Better than Sex

Top Ten Reasons Why Golf is Better than Sex

#10.. A below par performance is considered damn good. #9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers. #8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot. #7... Foursomes are encouraged. #6... You can still make money doing it as a senior. #5... Three times a day is possible. #4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else. #3... If you live...

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Funny story: 26 Reasons Why You Might Want to Change the Way You Think

26 Reasons Why You Might Want to Change the Way You Think

1. The color drains from people's faces when they see you. 2. Understatement follows you around like it is your shadow. 3. People don't seem to want you in their counties, or near their borders. 4. People cry when they see you in public. 5. People hold up crucifixes when they see you, or point them at your house. 6. A mirror cries when it sees you. 7. An ant appears to tower ove...

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Funny story: Top 10 Ways To Improve Your Life

Top 10 Ways To Improve Your Life

Everybody wants to make their life a little better. We've sent out a score of interviewers, and had them talk to blokes wandering around aimlessly in front of our building, and composed a list of the top 10 ways for anyone to make their life better. * Win The Lottery * Marry A Rich Person * Get A Job * Drive A Sports Car * Eat More Oysters * Cure A Major Disease * Change Identity With S...

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Funny story: Top 15 Worst Selling Books Of 2008

Top 15 Worst Selling Books Of 2008

According to the New York Times, these are the worst selling books of 2008 as listed by their publishers: 15. The Joy Of Sox 14. Winnie's Cooking With Pooh 13. Chicken Shit For The Soil 12. Mr. Toad's Make Love Not Warts 11. Horton Can't Hear Himself Fart 10. Twenty Centuries Of Pope Humor 9. A Proctologist's Guide To Goose Hunting 8. Dealing With Howler Monkeys Near Th...

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Funny story: Top Ten Football Commentary Cliches

Top Ten Football Commentary Cliches

10. It's "Derby Day" here in wherever, and you can literally feel the tension throughout the city. 9. And it's high, wide, and not at all handsome... goal kick. 8. These two sides are going for it hammer and tongue this afternoon. What entertainment here at wherever. 7. He's an absolutely country mile offside, how the linesman cannot see that is beyond me... 6. And wherever is silence...

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Funny story: The Top Ten Reasons Santa Is Downsizing This Year

The Top Ten Reasons Santa Is Downsizing This Year

(New York-NY) I think it was either Sigmund Freud or any post-rhinoplasty Bat Mitzvah girl from Long Beach (That's Long Island…not California.) who wrote "I am a Jew, and it always seemed to me not only shameful but downright senseless to deny it." And that's my sentiment at Christmas. But, like Freud, I'm not particularly religious. You could call me ultra-Reformed. Or as my friend Jon Braunhut w...

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Funny story: The 2008 Christmas Season's Top Ten Selling Books

The 2008 Christmas Season's Top Ten Selling Books

ANN ARBOR, Michigan - One of the nation's leading bookstore chains, 'The You Can't Judge A Book By It's Cover' has just released their yearly Christmas list. THE TOP TEN SELLING BOOKS FOR CHRISTMAS 2008 * Chinese Ceramic Christmas Ornaments and Were They Once Really Edible? * Overweight Individuals Who Eat Christmas Fruit Cakes Through A Straw And Why * The Key To Understanding Key Misun...

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Funny story: English Definitions for the Dyslexic

English Definitions for the Dyslexic

Warning: American readers may require the services of a translator! Antelope (v): to run off with your mother's sister. Assassination (n): an arrangement to meet a donkey. Baptist (n): a junior hamburger chef. Basket (n): a short nap in the sun. Circumstantial (n): circumcision on a really big baby. Collonade (n): fizzy enema. Defence (n): something to sit on for people who ca...

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