London - (ReUterus): Eat yer heart out Roman Abramovich. The little kicker gestating inside girlfriend Daria Zhukova's hatchery looks suspiciously like a bit of an own goal to some. "Or maybe even a crafty handball by Chelsea midfielder Frank La...
With the season only one game old, it appears that relegation favourites Burnley, are living up to their billing following a 2-0 defeat away at Stoke City. Manager, Owen Coyle told us: "It's no looking good. If we cannae scrape a result at Stok...
The club believed to be the richest football club in the world today announced plans to purchase the UK. A bid of GBP12.50 is thought to have been tabled to the Queen, the current owner. However it is believed that she is holding out for GBP15 and a...
A disastrous weekend for Murkydive footy clubs, Loonypool and Neverwon, who both found themselves on the wrong end of results on the opening weekend of the footy season. First, Neverwon got tanked 6-1 by a load of arses at Badison Park, and now to...
David Moyes has been sacked by Everton following their shock 6-1 thrashing at the hands of Arsenal on the first day of the season. In fact it transpired that he was sacked at half time, when Everton were trailing 3-0. The club tried to appoint Gra...
It didn't take long. As Chelsea opened the Premier League season against Hull, it was John Obi Mikel who confirmed that Dive Flu has infiltrated Chelsea's 2009/10 squad. First reported here at the end of last season, this strange condition has a...
Bizarre behaviour being reported from Stamford Bridge as Didier Drogba nets the winner against Hull City, as an attempted cross looped over the goalkeeper into the net. As Drogba wheeled away from the goal, he invited team mates to chase him. Exhi...
The latest in designer security techniques have been made available at Old Trafford. Following fears that the once impregnable defence could be breached Sir Alex Ferguson has installed a panic room. The plan is to prevent unwanted visitors from getti...
It was reported at lunchtime today that Thai Football League team, Pattaya United, are shortly to announce details of a major new signing from English Championship side, Newcastle United. A report on Pattaya People TV channel claimed that "a major...
An Algerian footballer called Mr Kamel Ghilas has joined to play for the English Football Premier League team Hull City. The news was reported on Agence France-Presse today. Mr Ghilas is 25 years old and is the first Algerian player to play for Hu...
The two Norwich City fans who ran onto the pitch on Ssaturday and threw their season tickets at club manager Bryan Gunn, have been handed severe punishments by the carrow Road hierarchy - their passes were returned, and they will be forced to watch e...
BBC TV Center - (Ass Mess): A BBC TV world premiere of the epic Stanley Kubrick-directed "Woman Takes A Dump In UK Prime Time" movie was horribly interrupted on Saturday night with what has been described as totally gratuitous coverage of a Torquay...
Sir Alex Ferguson, Manager of Manchester United, is to undertake an intensive course to become a Premiership qualified referee. After the Community Shield at Wembley last Sunday, and the incidents that occured, with Chelsea's Michael Ballack clatt...
The record books flew out of the window at Carrow Road on Saturday as Norwich City, the team who graced the European football stage as recently as 17 short years ago, were handed a lesson in exquisite finishing by visitors, Colchester United, who tro...
Following their humiliating 1-7 defeat at home to Colchester United on the opening day of the football season, it has been confirmed that one time holiday home for knackered, over-rated and unwanted footballers, Norwich City, have been taken over by...
Hull City manager Phil Brown today unveiled his two new 'star' signings at a Press conference at the KC Stadium, and confessed he was just pleased that he had managed to sign somebody, anybody, regardless of their skill or potential - or lack of it!...
Rafa Benitez is reportedly on a new diet program as he's determined to be as fit as ever for the start of the season. The discipline will be crucial having in mind limited breakfast portions consisted of "...three sandwiches of fried eggs, cheese,...
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