There was a new twist in the World Athletics Hermaphrodite Scandal this afternoon, when former England football team captain, David Beckham, revealed that he, too, is a hermaphrodite. Beckham, 34, claims that he is approximately 55% male and 40% f...
The world of professional sport was rocked to its very core by the revelation that players and athletes were using "joke shop" style tactics to gain an unfair advantage over their competitors. Dougie Doo, proprietor of Scarborough's Joke Emporium...
It is with great regret that we have to report that the England ladies football team today succumbed to defeat at the hands of the Germans, in Helsinki, Finland by a 6-2 margin. In the final of the European Ladies Football championship. The Eng...
Celebrity fans such as Boris Johnson and Johnny Vaughan are amongst those left without a club following Chelsea FC's shock announcement that they are sacking their supporters. The move has surprised many, but pundit Alan Hansen sees the logic behind...
The world of football has been rocked once again today when Madchester Untied were accused of juvenile kidnap. The story relates to the swoop last August of French teenage prodigy Daniel N'Everplay. A report has been handed to THEIFA, the world fo...
Wayne Rooney, ugly, has suggested in a frank interview with lard-arse Martin Samuel, in the early hours of Sunday morning, that football should introduce a three pointer or a "three goaler", in his own words. He believes that football should follo...
Chelsea have vowed to fight to restore their increasingly battered reputation, after further allegations were made yesterday that they are "just a bunch of thieves." In a remarkable outburst, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Fungus slammed the W...
Despite being banned from signing any new players over the next two transfer windows, Chelsea aren't particularly worried about this latest sanction. "Hey, the governor is a Russian oligarch," a spokesman for the club told us. "We're used to ducki...
Match Le Fixier, the former England footballer, has collected a big win from a well-known bookmakers after betting on a sequence of predictions, most of which have come true. Le Fixier, who is now a sports pundit on satellite TV, placed bets over a...
They may have left it late in this transfer window but Hull City have today completed the free transfer of former Celtic striker Johannes Vennegoor of Hesselink. "It's important to have a big name signing," spokesman Phil Duffnut said. "And, my go...
Its been coming for some time, but now its real. In a drastic move today, following test hopeful Joe Denly's knee injury caused while playing football, cricket has bowed to the inevitable. But the move will suprise many. Next season, it's the cric...
Struggling premiership football club, Portsmouth, are announcing a number of changes to the squad. "We have had to do a little re-organisation following the fact that we have sold all of our decent players" The manager, Paul Hart (whose name is quite...
The British authorities thought they had Hooliganism under control, well think again Mother F*ckers, the boys are back in town, big time! Attempting to obliterate Hooliganism in the UK is roughly the same as cutting off Medusa's heads, wiping out...
West Ham vs Millwall. There hasn't been this much of a fuss after a football match since 'The Taliban Tornadoes' took on the 'Yankee trading Goliath's' in the summer of 2000. Bin laden swore his revenge against the western football champions after th...
Many local residents feared the worst when West ham United and New Cross rivals Millwall, were drawn against each other. Both club's fans have a violent history and Metropolitan Police officers in full riot gear attended the fixture in large numbe...
Football fans in the town of Burnley have vowed to get sober before Sunday's Premiership clash with Everton, following a booze fuelled en-masse three day bender after the club defeated Premier League Champions and last year's Champions League finalis...
To protect its image as a perfect group delivering perfect football coverage, the top football league announced today that it will simplify all player names too difficult for the nation's broadcasters to pronounce. This development follows the se...
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