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Funny satire stories about Football (Soccer)

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Funny story: Chelsea Unperturbed By Transfer Ban

Chelsea Unperturbed By Transfer Ban

Despite being banned from signing any new players over the next two transfer windows, Chelsea aren't particularly worried about this latest sanction. "Hey, the governor is a Russian oligarch," a spokesman for the club told us. "We're used to ducki...

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Funny story: Football Legend Match Le Fixier Wins Fortune Predicting Exact Time Next Football TV Presenter Will Admit To Cheating

Football Legend Match Le Fixier Wins Fortune Predicting Exact Time Next Football TV Presenter Will Admit To Cheating

Match Le Fixier, the former England footballer, has collected a big win from a well-known bookmakers after betting on a sequence of predictions, most of which have come true. Le Fixier, who is now a sports pundit on satellite TV, placed bets over a...

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Funny story: Hull City In Bid To Sign Biggest Names In Football

Hull City In Bid To Sign Biggest Names In Football

They may have left it late in this transfer window but Hull City have today completed the free transfer of former Celtic striker Johannes Vennegoor of Hesselink. "It's important to have a big name signing," spokesman Phil Duffnut said. "And, my go...

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Funny story: Cricket to be abolished and replaced by Football

Cricket to be abolished and replaced by Football

Its been coming for some time, but now its real. In a drastic move today, following test hopeful Joe Denly's knee injury caused while playing football, cricket has bowed to the inevitable. But the move will suprise many. Next season, it's the cric...

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Funny story: Portsmouth announce new squad

Portsmouth announce new squad

Struggling premiership football club, Portsmouth, are announcing a number of changes to the squad. "We have had to do a little re-organisation following the fact that we have sold all of our decent players" The manager, Paul Hart (whose name is quite...

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Funny story: Football hooliganism rears it's lovely head, especially when the Milwall Firm wants some BOVVVER!

Football hooliganism rears it's lovely head, especially when the Milwall Firm wants some BOVVVER!

The British authorities thought they had Hooliganism under control, well think again Mother F*ckers, the boys are back in town, big time! Attempting to obliterate Hooliganism in the UK is roughly the same as cutting off Medusa's heads, wiping out...

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Funny story: West Ham vs Millwall

West Ham vs Millwall

West Ham vs Millwall. There hasn't been this much of a fuss after a football match since 'The Taliban Tornadoes' took on the 'Yankee trading Goliath's' in the summer of 2000. Bin laden swore his revenge against the western football champions after th...

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Funny story: West Ham And Millwall Have A Jolly Good Evening Out Together

West Ham And Millwall Have A Jolly Good Evening Out Together

Many local residents feared the worst when West ham United and New Cross rivals Millwall, were drawn against each other. Both club's fans have a violent history and Metropolitan Police officers in full riot gear attended the fixture in large numbe...

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Funny story: Burnley Fans To Sober Up Ahead Of Everton Clash

Burnley Fans To Sober Up Ahead Of Everton Clash

Football fans in the town of Burnley have vowed to get sober before Sunday's Premiership clash with Everton, following a booze fuelled en-masse three day bender after the club defeated Premier League Champions and last year's Champions League finalis...

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Funny story: Premier League protects its image by changing player names

Premier League protects its image by changing player names

To protect its image as a perfect group delivering perfect football coverage, the top football league announced today that it will simplify all player names too difficult for the nation's broadcasters to pronounce. This development follows the se...

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Funny story: Frank Lampard 'slips one past the ref' as Daria Zhukova shows off baby bump

Frank Lampard 'slips one past the ref' as Daria Zhukova shows off baby bump

London - (ReUterus): Eat yer heart out Roman Abramovich. The little kicker gestating inside girlfriend Daria Zhukova's hatchery looks suspiciously like a bit of an own goal to some. "Or maybe even a crafty handball by Chelsea midfielder Frank La...

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Funny story: Burnley Embroiled In Relegation Battle Already

Burnley Embroiled In Relegation Battle Already

With the season only one game old, it appears that relegation favourites Burnley, are living up to their billing following a 2-0 defeat away at Stoke City. Manager, Owen Coyle told us: "It's no looking good. If we cannae scrape a result at Stok...

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Funny story: Man City bid to buy Great Britain

Man City bid to buy Great Britain

The club believed to be the richest football club in the world today announced plans to purchase the UK. A bid of GBP12.50 is thought to have been tabled to the Queen, the current owner. However it is believed that she is holding out for GBP15 and a...

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Funny story: Tottingham Trounce Touchy Scousers

Tottingham Trounce Touchy Scousers

A disastrous weekend for Murkydive footy clubs, Loonypool and Neverwon, who both found themselves on the wrong end of results on the opening weekend of the footy season. First, Neverwon got tanked 6-1 by a load of arses at Badison Park, and now to...

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Funny story: David Moyes sacked following 6-1 thrashing

David Moyes sacked following 6-1 thrashing

David Moyes has been sacked by Everton following their shock 6-1 thrashing at the hands of Arsenal on the first day of the season. In fact it transpired that he was sacked at half time, when Everton were trailing 3-0. The club tried to appoint Gra...

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Funny story: Dive Flu outbreak at Chelsea opener

Dive Flu outbreak at Chelsea opener

It didn't take long. As Chelsea opened the Premier League season against Hull, it was John Obi Mikel who confirmed that Dive Flu has infiltrated Chelsea's 2009/10 squad. First reported here at the end of last season, this strange condition has a...

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Funny story: "Chase Me!" Says Didier Drogba

"Chase Me!" Says Didier Drogba

Bizarre behaviour being reported from Stamford Bridge as Didier Drogba nets the winner against Hull City, as an attempted cross looped over the goalkeeper into the net. As Drogba wheeled away from the goal, he invited team mates to chase him. Exhi...

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