Germany - A three day state visit to Sauerkrautland kicks off on Wednesday with a Bavarian beer drinking contest between Chancellor Angela Merkel and Queen Elizardbirth von Battenberg. Later the women are due to take part in a traditional bratwur...
Prince William and Kate Middleton had an unexpected visitor to Buckingham Palace when William's old university drinking buddy Gaz turned up at the front door asking to stay for a bit with them. William's old friend Gaz had been on a night out in Lon...
London - The Queen is totally freaked out about this Saturday's Trooping the Colour which occurs on the exact 34th anniversary of someone firing six blank shots at her while astride sidesaddle on royal steed Burn Knees. Uh, Burmese. 19 year-old...
In order to answer this simple question our magazine "Conned Weekly" contacted Lord Hiram Abiff Cook of the British Foreign Office London who candidly answered unaware that we had recorded the conversation. Here is what he said: Well, old sport...
London - "In addition to destroying insects such as moths and silverfish," the Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon explained, "royal mothballs make useful stovepipe cleaners and snake repellants." The remarks come amid reports that Britain's Queen...
The Jimmy Savile Inquiry into paedophilia that has been ongoing since October 2012 has been officially closed. Sir Winston Pike conducting the inquiry said that the case has been officially closed from lack of reliable evidence. "After due consul...
Windsore Castle - An organic composting lavatory serving the Queen's private quarters had to be sluiced down with carbolic today after Her Majesty accidentally dropped her diamond tiara down its fathomless bottom. It was her 89th birthday, a cour...
Here is a verbatim report from an article in a leading British Paper. We are not making this up. This is actually what it said: "Sex scandal Labour grandee Lord Janner has been probed over allegations he was part of a Westminster paedophile ring. The Met police spent six months investigating claims the peer - said to be too frail from dementia to be prosecuted - was a guest at London sex a...
London - Her Majesty Queen Elizardbirth is planning to teach politicians a well deserved lesson by feigning death on April Fools Day. A number of courtiers are in on the jape which will see royal arselicker-in-chief cum Prime Monster David Cameron...
London - Crown jewelers have welded night vision goggles to the Queen's tiara in case she flips out on Friday when the Big Light in the sky goes awol. A powerful solar eclipse will see much of the United Kingdom blacked out in the morning in fulfi...
LONDON -- The royals are not above showing a little of their majestic bodies on occasion. Exhibitionist Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cornhole and wife of Prince William, is proof of that, having shown her regal tatas to the world and having flashed her...
After a lengthy ten hour investigation pursuing thousands of clues, tips and accusations, Russia's Prime Minister Vladimir Putin announced that the former Deputy Prime Minister under Boris Yeltsin, Boris Nemtsov, committed suicide by shooting himself...
The Queen of the Purple Isles has hit back at suggestions that The Fabulous should be banned from socialising with so-called 'Ordinaries'. Harry Rump of the Roundguts claimed that The Fabulous are a bizarre group who differ on every conceivable so...
Members of the royal family and local security picked up the Queen yesterday after she went missing from Buckingham Palace. Palace guards reported her gone at lunch time shortly after Sunday mass. Prince Charles and Camilla then drove round the...
Los Angeles - Official: all traces of Martian DNA have been expunged from the royal genome after film star Helen Mirren blew the gaff on Queen Elizardbirth's alien origins. Mirren, who famously played Queenie in an instantly forgettable Hollywood...
Investigations by Prince Philip and a rapid response palace Beefeater team yesterday confirmed rumours that Prince Charles, a great fan of the late Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" movie and with a notoriously unusual taste in women, (shunning attractive...
This time of year is always high on calamities; but nobody on earth was prepared for this one. A mighty tsunami of human excrement that had accumulated in the North Atlantic over many years has been unleashed. Myriad towns and villages in North A...
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