Belfast - (Torquemada News): Commenting on today's report a Vatican spokesman said the church was sticking to strict ecclesiastical guidelines called 'omerta'. Decryption of these has revealed collusion between the government and Cardinal Josef R...
OK all you bankrupt Brits get ready for the Pope Ratfinker Road show - A modern day Nero with his Circus-Maximus troupe. Replete with all the ceremonial hogwash, glittering frippery and regalia and an entourage of blood-sucking, hangers-on. Your...
The Pope was left with a red face after his adapted golf cart- known as "The Popemobile," was clamped outside shops in Milan. His Holiness was out looking to buy a USB cable to fix his, "Buggered up Lexmark Printer," when he stopped on double yel...
ROME: Cardinal Burl O'Scooney a leading Vatican authority and future Pope contender says Italy's political leaders are 'incapable' of fixing the country's economy and are only indulging in squabbles while pursuing self interests. Terming the beha...
Residents of Skelmersdale, Lancashire, were thrilled to learn via The Pope's Twitter page that he intends to visit the town in November. The Pope, who is already visiting the UK next month, decided to make a return visit later in the Autumn, due to...
Rome - (Papa Bullshit): In Old Testament days it used to be called loincloth shunning. And this weekend it's really got up the Pope's nose as the relentless Italian heatwave continues to fry the Papal bollox - er...brain! - to oblivion. An ann...
London - (Sacriledge News): The immediate return of the sella stercoraria - or dung seat - test has been ordered by Pope Joe Ratzinger. Stung by a Vatican Internal Affairs probe naming 'literally hundreds' of covert women priests and bishops masqu...
Pope Benedict XVI announced today that gay marriage is okay. He is changing the Roman Catholic Church's homophobic stance on gay marriage, and allowing priest to now marry gay couples. "I looked at what it meant to be a priest, and I realized...
Switzerland - (Gnomes of Zurich Mess): A fantastic character reference from the Pope has persuaded the Swiss Justice (sic) Ministry to deny a US extradition warrant for convicted pervert Roman Polanski. The 76 year-old movie maker's personal fathe...
DOWNING Street has tried to calm controversy over the Papal visit to Britain by promising that the expected £12million bill won't escape swingeing budgetary cuts. It is thought that Pope Benedict, "Panzer Pope" to his mates, will now arrive by low...
A fierce row has broken out over the Pope's planned UK vacation later this year. It has emerged that the taxpayer is likely to foot the bill for the Papal holiday to the tune of £23 million pounds. REACTION Thomson Holidays spokesman David T...
CNN are looking for a replacement for the ever ageing Larry King, after hosting Larry King Live on the cable network for over 25 years. Rumours are rife that Queen and the Pope have sought to move in on the vacant chair. The Catholic Church fee...
The Pontif made it quite clear today, that he will not step down after confessing to getting three Nuns pregnant. In a defiant mood, he stated: "I'ma not, ina da mood tu spek ebowt theesa problemo. Dees stupido woman, tella mea dey isa ona da p...
Vatican City - When the Pope issued the order to have crime cams installed in and around the Vatican in order to cut down on the incidences of clandestine alley-way meetings between the priests and their prey, little did he think that they would unco...
Vatican spokesmen were silent today after a show of solidarity by 3 English Priests who finally came out of the closet and paraded about Westminster clothed in habits. The mincing, hip swaying circus clogged traffic at the intersection of Old Que...
The Vatican has announced the disappearance of Pope Benedict XVI. Papal spokesman, Cardinale Pippo Stronzopieno, said that he doubted that the Pontiff's corporal entity simply assumed into heaven. "Dat, no mak-a dee sens. He no-a go uppa to dee he...
After an exhaustive search throughout The Netherlands, The Dutch police have discovered the body of Benedictine condom-king, Rameses Trojani, floating in a backwater canal in Amsterdam. The grisly discovery was made by a "painted woman" servicing a...
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