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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E: 23rd June 2012

Nottingham News for W/E: 23rd June 2012

Sunday 10th June 2012 Monday 18th June 2012 Topic: Crime - Robbery - Violence "Cash stolen in security van raid in Bingham, Notts" Source:Source: BBC News Extract: Two men are being sought by police following the theft of cash from a security van in Bingham, Nottingham. The Vauxhall van was parked outside Toot Hill School, in The Banks, at about 11:45 BST when thieves struck.

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Funny story: English Professor Threatens BBC Over "Them"

English Professor Threatens BBC Over "Them"

Professor Finn L. Straw is threatening to blow up one of the BBC's broadcasting masts if his demands are not met. The drama began last night as this publication went to press. His protest concerns the use of the word "them" instead of "those" and the...

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Funny story: Cop Tasers naked eighty-year-old woman in Stop and Frisk!

Cop Tasers naked eighty-year-old woman in Stop and Frisk!

In a story that Tampa, Florida police are attempting to keep quiet, an eighty year old naked lady was Tasered by a local constable late yesterday. According to media reports, the deputy stopped the woman in a "stop & frisk" operation. No one could explain, why? The media respecting the woman's privacy is withholding her name. Reporters were allowed to question the arresting officer after he...

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Funny story: Lindsay Lohan Reportedly Caught With 1,000 Placebo Pills In Tijuana, Mexico

Lindsay Lohan Reportedly Caught With 1,000 Placebo Pills In Tijuana, Mexico

TIJUANA, Mexico - Lindsay Lohan told her probation officer that she was going to visit Tijuana, Mexico to buy a special type of huaraches (sandals) that are not sold anywhere in the United States. Lohan crossed into Mexico and wandered around pret...

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Funny story: Scotland Yard and Interpol Hired to Help SERN Find the Higgs Boson. Arrest warrant issued. ID check now required of all particles at borders. Pushing the envelope with "Outsource Limit Test"?

Scotland Yard and Interpol Hired to Help SERN Find the Higgs Boson. Arrest warrant issued. ID check now required of all particles at borders. Pushing the envelope with "Outsource Limit Test"?

Interpol Headquarters, Lyon -SERN officials have announced a "joint partnership," Involving Scotland Yard and the International Criminal Police Organization as the largest particle hunt in history goes into full gear to capture the elusive Higgs Boso...

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Funny story: Sex for Undercover Police, if their cover is a 'blow job'!!

Sex for Undercover Police, if their cover is a 'blow job'!!

Westminster Hall, LONDON: Home Office Minister, Nick Herbert, has importantly announced that Undercover Police, can have sex with suspects, if abstaining would 'blow job' their cover... Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 (RIPA) allows un...

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Funny story: Practical Driving Test Now More Intimidating Than Ever

Practical Driving Test Now More Intimidating Than Ever

Driving Daily - Britain's favourite car mad mag for over 50 years - EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JAMES MAY, JEREMY CLARKSON AND RICHARD HAMMOND AFTER THEY WERE CAUGHT SMUGGLING 400 JARS OF ELEPHANT SPERM IN THE BACK OF A 1982 FORD CORTINA IN INDIA. Learners be warned, your dreams of owning and driving your own car are about to be pulverised! As of 1st January 2013 budding motorists will be force...

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Funny story: The Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part II

The Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part II

Inspector Corner, Detective Pong, Sergeant Hump and Constable Hall had all journeyed from Scotland Yard in the special Ford Anglia overhead camshaft pursuit vehicle, in response to a call from Sussex Constabulary about an exploding butler. The Ford Anglia had a synchromesh gearbox and vacuum-powered windscreen wipers and it was a remarkable vehicle. It inspired many remarks, especially when peo...

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Funny story: Police Chief Assigns 10 Officers to find his Wife's Orgasm

Police Chief Assigns 10 Officers to find his Wife's Orgasm

Exactly when Sacramento, California police chief's wife, Sally Ice, lost her orgasm is unknown. It seemingly disappeared somewhere between St. Valentine's Day and this morning when she first noticed it was gone. Fortunately for Mrs. Ice, her hu...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E: 20th May 2012

Nottingham News for W/E: 20th May 2012

Monday 14th May 2012 Topic: Crime - Another elderly person attacked "Elderly Nott's woman injured in burglary" Source: Notts Police Extract: Police are hunting a man who injured an elderly woman during an armed burglary in Worksop on Saturday (12 May). The burglar entered the home of the 88-year-old woman at around 9.45pm, armed with a six-inch knife. He demanded money from the woman but sh...

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Funny story: Lewis Is Back - Goes Up Against Bones

Lewis Is Back - Goes Up Against Bones

Fans of TV sleuthing have a difficult decision to make this evening as ITV's popular Oxford-set Lewis is back, clashing with Bones on Sky Living. Lewis and his brainy sidekick Hathaway have to solve the murder of an academic who had been wrestling...

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Funny story: The Drunk In Charge of a Theme Tune Sketch

The Drunk In Charge of a Theme Tune Sketch

An elderly man is staggering along the street, carrying a moose's head and humming the theme tune to The Forsyte Saga. A police Sergeant appears with a Constable. Sergeant: 'Now then now then my lad. What's all this here then, eh? I'm going to have to ask you to blow into this here balloon.' The man blows the balloon up. It turns out to be one of those long twisty ones. Sergeant: 'See...

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Funny story: Epsom woman's wheelie-bin goes missing

Epsom woman's wheelie-bin goes missing

Surrey police are on the look-out for a 3-year-old wheelie-bin which went missing over the weekend. Ruby Shanstuff of Moorlitter Street was devastated over her bin's disappearance. "It had all my best rubbish in it," she cried, before phoning the...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E: 6th May 2012

Nottingham News for W/E: 6th May 2012

Sunday 29th April 2012 Topic: Development - Asda "Asda plans to regenerate derelict site in St Ann's, Nottingham" Source: BBC News Extract: Plans to build a supermarket and homes in a "run-down" area of Nottingham are to go on public display. Asda has earmarked a site on Carlton Road in St Ann's for the store, which it said could create 200 jobs. The company said the store, which...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E: 29th April 2012

Nottingham News for W/E: 29th April 2012

Monday 23rd April 2012 Topic: Crime - Murder "Nottingham murder police in plea to taxi drivers" Source: BBC News Extract Police investigating the murder of a teenager outside a pub in Nottingham have appealed for taxi drivers who were in the area to contact them. Malakai McKenzie, 19, died from a gunshot wound following an attack outside the Hubb, on Hucknall Road, Sherwood, early on Saturday...

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Funny story: "UnSafe2Drive" Text Alert Program Launch Delayed

"UnSafe2Drive" Text Alert Program Launch Delayed

Federal transportation officials have postponed the release of "UnSafe2Drive", a free downloadable cell phone app which would allow drivers to notify highway patrol officers of hazardous road conditions and accidents via text message. An adverti...

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Funny story: 10,000 police officers suspended for racist slurs

10,000 police officers suspended for racist slurs

Up to a quarter of all police officers are to be suspended with immediate effect pending an investigation into institutional ageism, fatism, simplism and racism. The whistle was blown by the Sun newspaper who have an arrangement with the home offi...

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