DALLAS, TEXAS (ABSNN) - The masked, knife wielding robber who stole $500 in cash and a $150 penis pump from a Dallas adult video store today was apprehended only four hours later at Parkland Memorial Hospital according to the DPD. "We got a ph...
RAF Waddington, Lincolnshire, UK: Soon, consignments of Reaper drones will be arriving... As the Police State continues to pile more psychological pressure on its UK citizens, where the UK Government wants to know more and more about everybody, while at the same time the public are allowed to know less and less about them and their secret courts, now is the age of the DRONES! Non-military dr...
Police in the once sleepy village of Little Divot are investigating an outrageously bold piece of thieving. At 9am this morning it was discovered that the local council offices, which also houses the mayors chambers, had disappeared. Mayor of L...
An EDL march through Walsall almost went off peacefully, but the sight of a slightly brown dog set off the more racist elements in the crowd. Upon spotting the dog (which could not be contacted for a interview) a group of skinheads, who's combine...
WAUKESHA, WI (ABSNN) - As if living in Wisconsin wasn't bad enough, Waukesha residents were "treated" to a 46-year-old man having intercourse with a couch, or to be exact, an abondoned love seat. Jerrard T. Streetor, of 2387 Cold Stream Place, Wau...
NEW YORK CITY - Lindsay Lohan seems to attract trouble wherever she goes. Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole stated that Lindsay could be sitting in a convent having dinner with a bunch of nuns and she would probably be accused of spiking...
Gang warfare is feared in the streets of London following Andrew Mitchell's reference to a policeman at Downing street as a 'fucking pleb'. The government's new Chief Whip believes the police are lower class people. Gang leader David Cameron was q...
The Governments Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell today faced calls for his resignation after a four letter strewn rant with police at Downing Street. The argument started when an officer told Mr Mitchell to use the rear entrance. This angered Mr Mitchell a...
Monday 10th September Topic: Cars torched - Arson - Crime Headline Nottingham Police hunt arsonists after cars are torched"" Source: This is Nottingham Extract: Sarah Zawadzki, 21, of Hucknall, found her automatic Nissan Micra had been set on fire near her home on Saturday morning. It was one of a series of similar attacks in Barbara Square, George Street, Annesley Road and Central Avenue,...
After yeserdays report into the Hillsborough tragedy exposed a police cover up, the most senior serving officer at the time, Sir Norman Bettison, has issued a full and unreserved 'fuck you' to victims and their families. Now Chief Constable of Wes...
Following literally some consultation the UK Home Office has decided to scrap the Single Non-Emergency Number (SNEN). Introduced in 2006 by the last Labour government, the public, who are notoriously idiotic found it virtually impossible to decide...
Police in Bedfordshire have apologized to a Luton man after they took over 2 hours to respond to a 999 call after the victim returned home from work to find his home had been burgled. Simon Brown claims that while he was waiting for police to arri...
Much like our national debt, claims for rural theft are on the rise. Nowhere is feeling the pinch (pun) like rural Wales, where thousands of sheep have been recorded stolen in the past year. The sheep, normally used as extra-martial aids, are feared...
The police in Holland have accidentally cleared out the student house instead of the squat next door. The cause of the confusion was the 'alternative look' and second hand clothing. The front door was forced open with a ram and a small protest wa...
New York - A mixed squad of undercover and uniformed police has broken up "a sex ring" that was attempting to distribute "vibrating devices" in "broad daylight" at locations in Rockefeller Center and the Meatpacking District. The disrupted giveawa...
A 6 year old has trialled several new prototype police cars, one of which will potentially be picked up by Australian police departments to use in their vehicle fleets. The vehicles were fitted out with modern technology including mobile fingerpri...
The government issued a warning to the public this evening not to approach any dancing policemen they might see in London during the next few days This evening's government warning, announced by David Cameron from Number 10, came after police stat...
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