Having just announced a sales fall ahead of Christmas the UK's fouth largest overpriced Supermarket, Morrisons, have wheeled out the big guns in order to meet the Christmas challenge ahead. In keeping with British Business in general and it's tota...
Hafbro Incorporated has an exciting new product ready for marketing. It's the new Teed "Electrifier Rectifier", the electric shock obedience collar for unruly children. Let's listen in with the device in use; Mom - "Do your homework dear". Miscreant child - "No mom I hate you". Mom applying her new gadget - ZZT ZZZZT ZZZZZZTTT! Brat - "AAAAAHHH! Okay okay, OUCH!" Sure they may convu...
ATLANTA (ABSNN) - Alana Thompson (Honey Boo Boo) and her mother June Shannon (Fat Demonic Hell Pig) are the stars of TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras. They visited a television station in Atlanta, the home of The Learning Channel, to discuss their upcoming...
North Korean leader Kim Jung-un is to release a Christmas single in an attempt to boost his standing overseas. He will be targeting the British Christmas Number one slot with hopes of being picked up by the anti X Factor campaign. Kim has been ins...
Chinese Diplomats are always eager to demonstrate political politeness, but have been having difficulty in keeping up with ever-changing USA style of political correctness . So they have introduced a new style for everyone outside the USA. As the...
The Church of England is undergoing a name change and will henceforth be known as Architectural Tours Ltd. The alteration is taking place to reflect the changing role of the Church in the life of the nation. A spokesman from St Paul's Cathedral...
My friend Shylock Humes and I sat in the four-wheeler, in the inky-shadowed street outside the villa of Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers and host of the Annual Convention of Not-Quite Correct Things. We waited on the arrival of Inspector Arbuthnot Williams of Scotland Yard, who ought by now to have been relieved from his vigil at 345 Bombay Road by Inspector Stanley Livingstone Sta...
Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley and I sat silently, as we lurched along through the winter evening streets of London. We were sitting in a two-horse brougham opposite a Bolivian admiral who was on his way to the Annual Convention of Not Quite Correct Things, which is an event hosted by Colonel Clavicord, late of the Bengal Dancers, and is a veritable Mecca to those with a penchant for the re...
The long holiday weekend began with packing and primping for the 7 hour, 500 mile crossing to various and sundry Mapquest destinations dotting the southern coast of the world's 4th largest lake. After four years physically removed from our respective families still clustered around the bottom edge of Lake Huron, my wife and I always start out our annual Christmas trek with sincere plans for mirth...
The BBC announced today that it great expectations for its drama, Great Expectations, which will be aired for three consecutive nights during the boring arse period between Christmas and the new year. The new version stars Ray Winston, out of Scum...
It happens every year. Millions of Brits eagerly anticipate the Christmas festivities, and the traditional Christmas dinner of a turkey roast with all the trimmings, only to find themselves completely disillusioned with the whole concept of turkey wi...
People hate Christmas. It's a fact that has been disputed by experts with way too much time on their hands for a number of years now. People hate Christmas for a huge number of reasons be it the crass commerciality of the event, the fact no one every bought you a decent Lego set or you might just genuinely believe Jesus is a cunt. I believe though Britons "Hatred Of Christmas" stems from one place...
The British Butchers Co-operative (BBC) today announced that this year has seen a record breaking increase in the sale of turkey arses. The turkey arse fell out of favour when WWII rationing ended in the 1950s, when most meat vendors flogged them...
There are few Christmas traditions more familiar and charming than hanging up a stocking for Father Christmas, leaving him a mince pie and a carrot for his reindeer. But things are done a bit differently in Scotland. There it is customary to leave out a drop of whisky and a few cans of Stella. The Scottish Santa needs fuel to keep him going through the long, dark and blurry Scottish night. H...
SHERMAN OAKS, California - The star of Two and A Half Men, Ashton Kutcher, is definitely upset enough for two and a half men. It seems that Kutcher received a Christmas gift from FedEx which he said was actually in one piece but which he absolute...
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Miley Cyrus has admitted that lately she has been keeping quite a low profile. She has stated that she really wants to concentrate on getting rid of her devil-may-care attitude and bad-girl reputation. Miley said that she wants t...
Interpol issued an alert this fine Christmas morning advising male EU citizens, and particularly British internet users, to reject online offers of a free pair of soiled panties from an unnamed overseas source, in return for friendship and priority s...
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