As a man, I have always struggled to keep my opinions about abortion to myself. I cannot bear a child, and have no desire to inflict my point of view upon a woman whose reasons for requesting such a procedure may be far outside my comfort zone. Even so, I must agree with President Barack Obama's call for a constitutional amendment requiring the late, late, late term abortion of Rush Limbaugh...
Nairobi - Hillary Clinton was today arrested in Nairobi following Obama's comments about Kenya when he visited Ghana. Mr. Obama had referred to Kenya as a "hamburger," which according to Kenyan tradition is very embarrassing. "I was not born in th...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The nation's 'First Mama' aka Michelle Obama is throwing her husband, the 'Main Bro' a surprise birthday party to be held at the White House's Rose Garden, which is also now known as The Beer Buddies Bar. The president will be 4...
The Obama Health Care Plan, which is set for a Congressional Vote after the end of summer vacations, is over 1500 pages long and is written in very small print size technical legalesse. Researchers at the Houston School of Linguistics, however, have...
NEW YORK CITY - President Barack Obama, Vice-President Joe Biden, Professor Henry Louis Gates, and Police Officer James Crowley have all agreed to film a beer commercial for Coors Light Beer. The gentlemen known collectively as "The Beer Summit Fo...
At a press conference this morning and still a little hung over from yet another beer summit last night, this one was with the Germans and those people can swill it down, President Obama named Hugh Hefner as the Bunny Czar. "Someone has to look af...
The daughters of Barack Obama have decided to throw him a themed party for his August 4th birthday. The theme? The Wizard of Oz. With that in mind, what movie related presents will the sisters give their father? Las Vegas oddsmakers are putting the possible gifts at the following odds: A brain (30%) One of the two things he needs most, but probably impossible (even though they might tr...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Reporters covering the White House Beer Summit were kept away from the 'Happy Table' by a distance of 50 feet so that they could not hear the conversation between President Barack Obama, Vice-President Joe Biden, Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates, and Sgt. James Crowley. So the president, the vice-president, the policeman, the professor, and Mary Ann all sat around drinking...
Washington,DC - Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge Police department and Professor Henry "Skip" Gates of Harvard sat down with President Obama today in the Oval Office. The following is a transcript of their conversations as released by the White House press office. Obama: Welcome Skip - Welcome Sgt. Crowley. Sgt. Crowley: Thank you Mr. President. Prof. Gates: Thank you Mr. President...
Washington, D.C. - Despite having a copy of President Barack Obama's birth certificate online, the Department of Health in Hawaii has still been inundated with requests by people wanting to inspect the original document for themselves. Only the origi...
Space - (Celestial Mess): It could be very messy, very pus-sy indeed for President Obama's 48th birthday next Tuesday. That's the overwhelming astrological prognosis as a large, shining pustule appeared on the surface of Venus just weeks after a m...
Washington, D.C. - Allowed only a few minutes to take their photos across the White House lawn with telescope lenses and no audio, the media peering behind their cameras appeared to be the only ones wearing President Barack Obama's beer goggles at th...
(Washington, D.C.) Sergeant James Crowley and Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. sat around a patio table with President Obama and Vice President Biden Thursday in the so called "beer summit". Its purpose, better understanding the issues of race profili...
Martha's Vineyard - (Dead & Buried Mess): A special treat awaits Senator Ted Kennedy next week as birthday-boy President Obama prepares to vacation just yards from the Chappa-quidditch (sic) site where his birth mother Mary Jo Kopechne died in 19...
Washington, D.C. - Today, President Obama attempted to heal wounds created by the racial controversy that erupted over an arrest of a Harvard professor, Henry Gates, by a Cambridge policeman, Sgt. James Crowley. The President invited the two adversar...
America's smartest President shocked the scientific community when he announced that he would solve the world's energy crisis by building 3 million wind-turbines on the Moon. He stated that the Moon had been chosen for this radical project, becaus...
Honolulu, Hawaii - The Hawaiian Department of Health, which keeps tract of vital statistics such birth and death certificates, has announced today that they will be giving weekly updates regarding the unchanging status of President Barack Obama's bi...
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