Ashley Cole has done it again! Always a threat around the box, Cole arrived late and he really doesn't miss from there. This brings his career tally to 100, placing him comfortably ahead of team mates John Terry, Frank Lampard and Joe Cole (no relati...
To Manchester United fans he'll always be a legend who will never be disrespected for the years of loyal service he has given to the club he has supported since childhood. To Sir Alex Ferguson, David Beckham is just another footballer, one of many...
David Beckham stunned journalists at at news conference ahead AC Milan's Champions League match against his former club Manchester United at the San Siro stadium tomorrow. Beckham, 34 announced that he was more excited about the return leg in Ma...
London - (Lady-From Shag-Hai Mess): A Russian espionage totty squad has infiltrated the UK Premiership spooks warned today. The motley Mata Hari crew has ditched wayward £10,000+ per week footballers to concentrate on the 'real Premiership' - of B...
Manchester United drew with Aston Villa this week despite United midfielder, Nani, seeing red. Confusing us for the BBC, SAF could not be reached for comment so unfortunately we were subjected to the thoughts of Mike Phelan. "Oh it was a definite...
It was announced today that Grimsby Town the struggling league two football club have secured a deal with Youngs Sea Foods to continue with sponsorship next season, even if they are relegated. It was rumoured that a national pet food manufacturer...
Sven-Goran Eriksson has admitted that he felt he had been "conned" during his bizarre seven months at Notts County. "This guy came up to me in the pub one night and told me that the next big club in world football was going to be Notts County and...
Ronaldinho has decided to turn his back on Brazil (they don't want him anyway) and is now going through the process of adopting the English/British nationality. Ronaldinho is sick of being told he's a "has been ball juggler" and is determined to s...
Portsmouth Football Club are back in trouble again as a local sandwich bar next to Fratton Park bans David James. Lucy Pike, owner of 'Get Stuck in Sandwiches' said, "David and the other players have been regulars, but lately they have been taking...
John Terry, the Chelsea and former England football team captain, has told friends he is almost as sorry for shagging Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend, as Frenchman Thierry Henry said he was for handling the ball in the build-up to France's goal in the W...
Hammers slip into plop zone, Poopers cruise, Black Craps held - Manchester United returned to the top of the Premier Face Sitting League table in style as Pumpsmouth's problems went from bad to worse, while Manchester Shitty slipped up at Hull Shitty...
It's been announced that Saints fans are preparing a typically warm Southampton style welcome for the FA Cup visit of deadly local rivals, Portsmouth. As both clubs have had to deal with harsh reality checks on survival in the football world, an i...
Traditional fans breathed a collective sigh of relief today as the Professional Foul made a welcome return to our top flight football. In a test case match, under instructions from the League, their Clubs and Managers, the players in today's Merse...
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - The Brazilian national soccer team has just announced that they are no longer negotiating to trade for Chelsea and England star John Terry. A spokesman for Team Brazil Gustavo De La Mantequilla said that the last thing th...
London - (X-Rated): The ten minute footage passed muster after Capello spent 'several hours' screwtinising Ferdinand's infamous 2005 Cyprus holiday home movie. The England coach hunkered down to the onerous task last week amid FA fears the video...
Fabio Capello today proudly announced the name of the next English football captain today after relieving John Terry of the responsibility. It's none other than the star of classic TV show 'Rio Plays For Laughs' - Rio Ferdinand. The youth of En...
A recent mid morning TV show has revealed that Arsenal's Andrey Arshavin is indeed related to UK actor Michael York and not, as previously thought, Alexandr the meerkat. DNA experts have said that this outcome was simples. Meanwhile, Michael Yo...
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