Washington D.C. - The Ape Pee News Service is reporting, and the White House has now confirmed that the disheveled African-American man police picked up last week for trespassing, who was almost tasered for resisting arrest and cited for obstructing...
The European 100 Watt lightbulb, whose existence ended this week, was 'killed by terrorists', according to American President Barack Obama. Speaking from Washington DC, he said: 'People of America, our thoughts are with our friends in Britain and...
Soft Springs, Iowa/ Financial News - In a shocking move President Barack Obama ordered Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and the Federal Deposit Insurance Company (FDIC) to move in and take control of the nation's faltering mattress manufacturing indus...
Washington,DC/ Double Speak Anarchist News - In a full out effort to bring American Thinking more in line with his universal policy of appeasement, apology and apoplexy, the Obama Team, led by Chicago Social Terrorists the Emanuel Brothers,aided by...
Randy John Johnson, President of John & Johnson has been named by President Obama as the "Gettin' It On Czar." In accepting the nomination, Johnson says that President Obama thought that our K-Y Jelly was a great boon to "Getting It On" and I wil...
Pork Chop Hill Nusing Home/ Arlington, Va/ Veterans News - In a response to a condescending questionaire by the Obama Health Care Death Squads, a hastily formed platoon of aging Korean War Vets prepared their own 'Quality of Life" guide sheet for a h...
The venerable question that has bewildered scholars and thinkers of the Bolshevistic persuasion since Peter the Great is: how many czars does a czar need, and does a czar need a czar to watch over his czars? The urgency for an answer to the preceding query manifested itself in the most incongruous manner. During a meeting in the Oval Office, while deliberating the necessity of appointing a s...
Washington, DC - At a press conference held in the White House West Wing, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has announced President Obama is going to address the concerns of birthers, and those sitting on the fence. "As I speak, President Obama is sign...
Washington DC (Neuters) - With support sinking fast for systemic healthcare change, specifically the Dems favored public option via single payer, during a recent appearance at the Press Club Mr. Obama desperately strove to turn the tide. Inovkin...
WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) - The head of the Environmental Protection Agency told a shocked Washington Press Corps Tuesday that right-wing broadcasters Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Ann Coulter have been determined to be the chief cause of Global Warmin...
The true purpose behind the government's "Cash for Clunkers" program has finally been revealed in the latest press release from the Obama Administration. In the program, auto companies paid up to $4500 trade-in for clunkers that had no real value (t...
Sinking like the Titanic, President Obama will have to hit one out of the ballpark with a Jeremiah Wright kind of speech, and save his health care bill. Mixed metaphors, but visually understandable. The President wants health care coverage for ev...
For many years, the United States Military dealt with homosexuals and other perverts with a policy of "don't ask, don't tell." Soldiers were to keep their non-normal sexual orientations and desires to themselves and not discuss these. With the Ob...
Barack Obama, the popular President of the United States, forced the United Nations to appoint Oprah Winfrey as Secretary General. Ban Ki-Moon, current holder of the position, voluntarily stepped down from the office due to the group of ACORN stormt...
In an effort to control the only branch of government not currently under his thumb, President Barack Obama announced plans to increase the size of the Supreme Court from nine to fifteen justices. Prior to his administration, the White House had bee...
There has been much controversy recently concerning the legality of President Barack Obama's residency as a citizen of the United States. A group known as the "Birther Movement" has claimed that he is not a naturalized citizen of the United States an...
This year, the World Masturbation Championship will be held in the town of Wacker, Georgia, United States. Previous championships have been held in a rotation in Wanker, England and Beater, Australia. Festivities will include the induction of Paul...
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