Listen carefully when Greece take on Argentina next Tuesday at the Peter Mokaba Stadium, Polokwane. As well as the relentless drone of the Vuvuzelas, a familiar voice can be heard as substitutes' details are called out, the attendance is announced an...
In a surprising development, Greece, probably the worst team ever to appear in the World Cup finals, and yesterday 1000-1 outsiders, are now 1-4 on favourites to win the competition. The sudden shift in betting odds came in the aftermath of Greece...
South Africa - (Cherchez-La-Femme-Mess): As an act of terminal detumescence Sara Carbonero's live primetime "How did you manage to f*** it up, querido?" was a corker. It has made La Carbonero the new World Cup she-devil following the balls-reaker...
The much talked about Jabulani ball is to be replaced in the final officials have now confirmed at Soccer City, Johannesburg. The ball which has caused much controversy will be replaced by a rugby ball on July 11th. The move comes after much disc...
In emerging news, the Nigerian football team, playing at the 19th FIFA World Cup in South Afria, have been disqualified from the tournament because their captain tried to bribe FIFA officials in an endeavour to influence the results of their group ga...
A "warning from the Lord" was revealed this week in Monroe, Ohio, says a minister in nearby Ohnoes. Touchdown Jesus, a 60-foot plastic foam and fiberglass statue with arms raised high like a football referee, went up in smoke on June 14 when lightni...
Viewers of the BBC's World Cup coverage have swamped the organisation's switchboard in recent days complaining that the droning that accompanies the football matches can be heard 'even after TV sets have been turned off'. The Beeb said this morni...
Fans may soon have the option to cut out the sound of the vuvuzela horns when watching the World Cup on TV. The BBC is investigating ways of transmitting an alternative feed of matches on the red button which would limit the buzzing sound made by...
The Loftus Versfeld stadium is in serious danger of collapse if too many Vuvuzela horns are brought to the South Africa v Uruguay game tonight. Structural engineers have stated that the resonance of the deafening horns is strong enough to set up a...
Teams in the World Cup are preparing for a new approach to the competition which will eliminate the shirt tugging spoiling much of the artistry of the game. After considering players taking part without shirts, FIFA realized that shorts would be p...
It was a game many were eagerly anticipating, Didier Drogba's Ivory Coast against Cristiano Ronaldo's Portugal. Alas, it was not to be. Cristiano Ronaldo, the £80 million Real Madrid striker continued to frustrate the fans by falling on his ars...
When asked what he thought of England's recent form, Ron made the following rant: Aren't they? Wasn't it? Didn't they? 442, 224, 4321?! Pop goes the watsit, goalie, Green, small hands, big ball, mum calling him home for tea, beans on toast, rush goalie, giggsy, giggsy wiggsy, jumpers for goal posts, what a goal! Back of the thing, the shimmy, the shammy, is it? Football crazy, England for...
"There are more enjoyable ways of becoming deaf." This was the joke circulating yesterday in Brussels after an EU Commission spokesman had explained the current reasoning behind the planned ban of vuvuzelas in the EU at the daily meeting with the pre...
Lip reading experts worldwide are united in declaring Australia the clear World Cup leader in swearing. One particularly brilliant 'FUCK OFF' from an Australian attacker, when adjudged offside, is headed for a special prize - a miniature kangaroo.
JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - A spokesperson for Global Records has just stated that the official World Cup Games song "Waka Waka" has just made it to number one. Shakira sings the song which was co-written by American Idol's Kara DioGuardi and 50s...
Johannesburg, South Africa. In a desparate bid to improve their World Cup chances, the Serbian football team have employed the use of Afican witch doctors to curse all their coming opponents at this years world football tournament. Mandiwuy Attib...
Hundreds of irate callers jammed BBC switchboards last night with complaints about Mick McCarthy's seemingly off the cuff remark about vuvuzelas. For some obscure reason, the fans in South Africa insist on blowing these infernal trumpets, giving the...
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