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Funny satire stories about Scotland

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Funny story: Oak Trees Live Longer In Kent Than In Scotland

Oak Trees Live Longer In Kent Than In Scotland

Researchers have revealed that oak trees live for four times as long in the county of Kent, than they do in Scotland. The average lifespan of a Kentish Oak - barring hurricanes - is 1,000 years, whereas in Scotland the figures reveal an average li...

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Funny story: Scotland defend the release of cancer ridden "Evil Bombing Bastard", Scotland couldn't even defend against Andorra!

Scotland defend the release of cancer ridden "Evil Bombing Bastard", Scotland couldn't even defend against Andorra!

The Lockerbie bomber and a very evil bastard has been released from a Scottish prison and been given a heroes welcome by Gadaffi and his terrorist cronies! Meanwhile Scotland defend the release and meanwhile attempt to defend their Gaol against An...

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Funny story: Scotland's other National Drink Stink

Scotland's other National Drink Stink

Everybody knows that Scotland's National Drink is whisky, but in Scotland there is a drink that is referred to as Scotland's other national drink a soft drink called Iron Bru. If you go anywhere in the world the top selling soft drink is cola but...

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Funny story: Scotland demands compensation

Scotland demands compensation

Ranald MacDonald of Arbroath claims that not only should Scotland be demanding Independence from the government in England Scots should also be demanding compensation of three trillion pounds for compensation for three hundreds years of exploitation...

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Funny story: Too Many Scottish People

Too Many Scottish People

A survey suggests that there are too many Scottish people and that there should be a cull. The Scottish have become a problem since being introduced in an attempt to rid us of the Welsh and the Irish, the main infestation occuring in an area known as...

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Funny story: Scotland threaten to break away from the UK if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon

Scotland threaten to break away from the UK if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon

On the 10th aniversary of Scottish devolution, the Scottish parliament, in the presence of the Queen, has officialy anounced that they will quit the UK and become totally autonomous if Andy Murray wins Wimbledon!!! If Andy should "blow it" in typi...

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Funny story: Mounds Of Extras To Be Had At Scottish Bank

Mounds Of Extras To Be Had At Scottish Bank

Following on from a BBC expose and a Westminster Debate, bankers are leaving their jobs on mass and applying for a job at a well known Scottish ex Bank. There are reports of queues outside the Edinburgh Head Office as over 1000 bankers apply for a jo...

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Funny story: Susan Boyle Quits Singing To Work On Dock

Susan Boyle Quits Singing To Work On Dock

Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle, has sensationally quit singing today, after sensationally swearing at members of the media this week. Boyle, 48, the star of Britain's Got Talent, had become so utterly pissed off with reporters following h...

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Funny story: Loud noise as John Knox turns in his grave

Loud noise as John Knox turns in his grave

In the capital city of Scotland, Edinburgh, there was a loud noise today, as Protestant preacher and Reformation leader John Knox's body turned in its unadorned grave. This followed the appointment of homosexual Scott Rennie as a minister in the K...

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Funny story: China buys Scotland in UK Debt Crisis

China buys Scotland in UK Debt Crisis

Following the announcement by Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling, that UK debt levels would need to see increased borrowing levels up to £170 Billion in 2010, Scotland has been sold to China. In a desperate attempt to raise funds, the en...

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Funny story: Stone-throwing vandals thanked the BBC today, for telling them the exact address of Royal Bank of Toytown chief Sir Fried Eggwin

Stone-throwing vandals thanked the BBC today, for telling them the exact address of Royal Bank of Toytown chief Sir Fried Eggwin

In Scotland's capital city of Edinburgh, hundreds of people looking for someone to blame for that bank's financial problems streamed towards Sir Fried Goodwin's house, after the BBC showed the exact street and house number of that house on its televi...

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Funny story: 'Scotland doesn't rule England, honest!', Brown's ridiculous claim

'Scotland doesn't rule England, honest!', Brown's ridiculous claim

Prime Minister Gordon Brown today made the ridiculous claim that England is not ruled by Scotland. 'It's ruled by Pakistan and Brussels! Sorry, only joking. No, England is ruled by the English, honestly, it is. When English football fans stopped f...

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Funny story: England To Set Up Border Fences And Patrols To Stop Immigrants From Scotland Reaching London To Beg

England To Set Up Border Fences And Patrols To Stop Immigrants From Scotland Reaching London To Beg

The UK Government has announced plans to set up a border fence to run parallel with the ancient Roman wall built by Adrian Mole and have armed border guards to patrol it to deter illegal Scottish Immigrants reaching London Tube Stations. "Everyday...

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Funny story: Language no barrier for Polish in Scotland

Language no barrier for Polish in Scotland

With thousands of Polish people settling in Scotland, it was feared there would be problems with language and communication, as few Scots speak English, and if they do it's so badly spoken that even other Scots can't understand what they're saying.

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Funny story: Black armbands worn by BBC Scotland sports presenters

Black armbands worn by BBC Scotland sports presenters

After Celtic's victory in the Scottish League Cup Final against arch-rivals Rangers, BBC Scotland presenters were today wearing black armbands, in a fitting tribute to the tragedy. Speaking from Glasgow, presenter Dougie Boynolly said: 'We are int...

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Funny story: Obama - "Scotland's For Me!"

Obama - "Scotland's For Me!"

Following last weeks state visit to Scotland President Obama has renewed America's special relationship with Scotland by vowing to pay more for Scottish oil and gas than England and Wales do! In addition Obama has reinforced his support for the SN...

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Funny story: Entire Scottish nation emigrates to Ireland

Entire Scottish nation emigrates to Ireland

As news that Scotland was planning to bring in a minimum price on alcoholic drinks, towns and cities in that part of the world emptied within hours, as millions of Scots headed to Ireland for what one emigre - Sir Robert C Nesbitt - called 'somewhere...

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