London - (Lurid Ass Mess): Residents of North London's Billionaire's Row are petitioning the Ministry of Justice to ban feckless LA jailbird Paris Hilton from buying the £50million Bishops Avenue mansion she is renting during filming of her pointless...
The results of tests on Paris Hilton, a woman from an exceedingly wealthy famly who own a chain of ludicrously expensive bed and breakfast joints, have today revealed that she has in fact got a brain. Up to now, despite signs of life, medical expe...
Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse from Nicole Richie pregnant well ladies and gentlemen we can reveal the lastest celeb to be pregnant which is no one other than Miss Paris Hilton. Yes people its true, well, not really, but Nicol...
Expanding on her successful fashion and fragrance business ventures, Paris Hilton announced yesterday that she is buying the Crayola crayon company for its patented range of colors and existing marketing channels. The 3.7 Billion dollar deal ta...
Arundel, W Sussex - (Ass Mess): The world's third most pointless stand-up peroxide act dramatically interrupted her London trip today. Paris Hilton was caught scaling the fortified moat around Arundel Castle, ancient seat of Albion's gatekeepers,...
In what some have described as a shrewd professional move, Paris Hilton announced today that she is seeking nomination for the candidacy of the Albanian Presidency. Despite her own unsuccessful tilt at the American presidency, Paris is now boldly...
The Bowery, Manhattan - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A former cattery-cum-pet grooming store is hosting the Manhattan exhibition debut of UK artist Jonathan Yeo's George W Bush and Paris Hilton collages made entirely from porno magazine cuttings. Th...
New Yawk, NY-- Paris Hilton heard about the crisis on Wall Street and devised a plan to strengthen the fragile economy. The vixenish virtuoso has had a very busy year. She created and built the LHC early in the Spring. She won gold medals in every ev...
Russell Brand has been granted an American Green Card and full American citizenship without even applying for it. A spokesperson for the American Green Card Office said: "Well, we appreciate he called our President Bush some rather funny names,...
'Charlie Wilson's War' actress Julia Roberts has confessed to converting to a lesbian for socialite Paris Hilton. An insider has reported that Roberts, 40, gushed repeatedly,"She's young, she's blonde, and I can imagine her naked". Hilton, 27,...
Tombstone, Az - In a scene reminiscent of the old west, Hillary Clinton was in Tombstone, Arizona to give a speech to disgruntled former John McCain campaign workers when who should appear but Sarah Palin. "At first I wasn't sure that shrill voic...
Minnesota - Today former V.P. pick Paris Hilton formally challenged Sarah Palin to a catfight. Paris Hilton whom McCain had previously picked as his running mate, before having her vetted and discovering she had done time (2.5 days) in prison. "I'...
The world is coming to end. Fact. Why? Well, Paris Hilton is going to Harvard University. Yes, you read correctly. The heiress with less I.Q. points than a wooden spoon has been accepted into one of the top colleges in the world. Hilton announced...
Los Angeles, Ca - (Total Crap Mess): "Print that rotten, stinking garbage and we'll sue your freakin' ass off!" was the pithy comment from lawyers today who savaged celeb paper LA FagHagSlagMag reports that Paris Hilton is a doppelganger cuckoo in th...
Vatican City-- Pope Benedict named three new saints today in a ceremony at Vatican City. The three are the first new saints of the 21st Century and reflect our modern society. Roman Catholics believe saints are intermediaries between God and man and...
Los Angeles - (Lurid Ass Mess): Pointless socialite Paris Hilton has spoken for the first time today about her shock at finding out that 'glamrock' (oh, per-leeze!) singer Gary Glitter is her birth father. An LA FagHagSlagMag interview recounts ho...
John McCain in a vane attempt at shaking the GOP (Grandpa Old Poopiepants) stigma of old age and incontinence has decided to pack his stable, er, ticket with some celebrity hotties. Political commentators have been unanimous in their positive evaluat...
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