A street in Doncaster has been evacuated following reports of a man, named locally as Barry Bazooka, boring people to death. It is understood that Bazooka has recently returned from a two-week vacation in Florida and has been telling anyone and ev...
Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that henceforth New York City will no longer be nicknamed, "The Big Apple." At his noon news conference, Hizzoner unloaded this latest bombshell to the unsuspecting news services. "A 'Big Apple' suggests...
Orlando, FL - Representatives of the Pink Lobster restaurant chain announced today that this year's Lobsterfest promotion has resulted in the lowest death toll in nearly two decades, with reported casualties hovering around a paltry 1,650. The p...
LOS ANGELES - Christina Aguilera, one of the stars of The Voice, has just been signed to star in her very own television show. A spokesperson for The Nourishment Network Griffin "Calories" Calaretti confirmed that Ms. Aguilera will he hosting the...
To the surprise of many nutritionists and health experts, the Food and Drug Administration has announced a revision to its "Good for You" food list, which will now include the long-time pseudo-healthy menu choice known as the Caesar Salad. A tradi...
MALIBU - Barbabos songstress Rihanna and her BFF Melissa Forde were out on the town and caused quite a stir as they walked hand-in-hand into the exquisite Ristorante Giorgio Baldi formerly The Jellyfish Tentacles Bar & Grill. Carolina Chipotle...
MANHATTAN - Reality TV star Joan Rivers, who stars in Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? and The Fashion Police was having lunch with her plain-featured platitudinous daughter Melissa at the highly popular Cinderella Cafeteria. The two Yiddish gals were easily overheard talking about having watched Christina Aguilera perform the other night on The Voice. Joan, 78, who was having a spinach...
Simon Cowell, high trousered music mogul and inventor of the sarcastic put-down to already inferior people, has sensationally revealed the secret to his fantastic success in everything he does. Parsnips. That's right, parsnips. And lot's of them.
Warnings that ice cream prices were set to rocket have been blasted as a con trick by a local food expert. The ten per cent rise in the price of one of our favourite sweet treats is reported to be caused by a crisis in the global harvest of vanill...
Holiday Inn Worldwide (HIW) has announced it will be opening a new franchise of upscale boutique-style restaurants in select cities worldwide. CEO Sean Rand says that the restaurants, named Innards, will cater to sophisticated clientele with unique...
Nevada farmworker Gus Rismore has paid the ultimate tribute to his parents on the occasion of their 50th wedding anniversary - by eating them live on the internet. The 460 pound fat bastard, who owns the world motorcycle-eating record, invited tho...
A chicken nugget sold for the above amount has been identified as a fake. The original George Washington look-alike nugget was thrown to the owners dog 3 years ago, it burped after swallowing it. After the owner realised how stupid she was, she carve...
NEW YORK CITY - Season 12 of The Celebrity Apprentice kicked off with 18 celebrities including singers Clay Aiken, Debbie Gibson, Aubrey O'Day, and Dee Snider, who is better known as the lead singer for Twisted Sister. Other celebrities included t...
HOLLYWOOD - Cable television's Nutritional Channel has just announced their latest reality show titled The Celebrity Cupcake Eaters. Nutritional Channel spokesperson Newberry "Mr. Calories" Calamasetti informed the entertainment media that the sho...
This year, 2012, is the Queen's Diamond Jubilee year. We asked famous bonkers celebrity chef Heston Blooming-Tal to come up with a recipe to celebrate her Queening anniversary, just like whoever it was who came up with Coronation Chicken in 1952. First Heston considered swan, but the legal department made it clear that there would be complications. Then he thought about lion, and again had to b...
The creator of healthy foods snack box has candidly spoken out about his multi million pound idea, with the shock revelation "Its just squirrel shit really" The snack box guru was secretly taped at his luxury farmhouse in Suffolk. Thinking he was...
England has overtaken Scotland as the top market for that iconic Scots dish, Haggis. Midlothian-based MacSween produces 1,000 tons of the "chieftain o' the puddin' race" every year, which is enough for about five million portions. But 60 per cent...
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