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Funny story: Large Hadron Collider causes DEATH says UK intellectual heavyweight

Large Hadron Collider causes DEATH says UK intellectual heavyweight

Steven Hawkins (Hackney carriage licence number 666) explained his new theory, "It's like this innit." "That Hadron collider thingy is making little black holes an little black holes try an suck everything in don't they. So the whole world is being sucked into France. "No wonder there's all these earthquakes and cyclones and hurricanes and what not killin people all over the place. Stands...

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Funny story: Death Tragedy of Obesity Prevention Patient

Death Tragedy of Obesity Prevention Patient

An innovative research program into treatment of Morbid Obesity was dealt a major blow yesterday by the death of the patient involved in the highly contentious experimental treatment. The Deceased, who was severely obese due to a diet extremely hi...

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Funny story: Why Gaddhafi Should Be Made The President Of The United States

Why Gaddhafi Should Be Made The President Of The United States

With all the problems we have in the U.S. today, it is truly astounding that a simple answer to them exists already and no one has thought of it. Simply make Muammar Gaddhafi the President of the U.S.! The logic of this escapes you? Let me enlighten you- Why Gaddhafi should be made President of the U.S.: There would be less money wasted on campaigning and voting- all the other political...

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Funny story: You know what folks? You'd be better off dead...

You know what folks? You'd be better off dead...

It has today been announced by HM Government that a massive publicity offensive will be launched in April to heighten people's awareness of the dangers inherent in being alive. The Minister for Health will personally supervise the campaign which...

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Funny story: Waffle iron claims family of ten

Waffle iron claims family of ten

Allentown, PA - A family of ten in central Allentown is deceased due to a waffle iron left plugged in. According to Constable Finass of Allentown, the Schinerkraut family all died due to a deadly combination of deadly neural-toxins. Mrs. Schiner...

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Funny story: Local Council reveal winner of their public school 'Design an Anti-Suicide Sign' competition

Local Council reveal winner of their public school 'Design an Anti-Suicide Sign' competition

The Local Council has revealed the winner of their 'Design an Anti-Suicide Sign' competition after a tense judging process that has taken over three days. It came down to the final three candidates - Claire Luxford's creative picture of a man eat...

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Funny story: Suicidal people "are more intelligent than we could have ever imagined" say Local Council

Suicidal people "are more intelligent than we could have ever imagined" say Local Council

The Local County Council have removed the trampoline at the base of Beachy Head after it was revealed it was having little impact on the suicide rates at the popular jumping point. Council bigwig Barry Miller revealed his disappointment in a tell...

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Funny story: Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

Jack LaLanne's body "will be juiced" states wife

A decision has finally been made on how to dispose of the body of fitness guru Jack LaLanne following his death in January. Two months on, and after complaints from the mortuary that the ageing corpse was beginning to "reek of rotten apples", Jac...

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Funny story: Man Buries Wife And Kid In Pet Cemetery And Nothing Happens

Man Buries Wife And Kid In Pet Cemetery And Nothing Happens

John Sullivan, of Boston Lincolnshire, inspired by the novel, Pet Sematary, and the film of the same name starring Herman out of the Munsters, decided to transport his dead wife and child to the state of Maine in the USA, and attempt to have them com...

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Funny story: Kate Middleton To Choose 'Bizarre Gardening Accident' Exit Say Experts

Kate Middleton To Choose 'Bizarre Gardening Accident' Exit Say Experts

Kate Middleton, lovely wife-to-be of Prince Harry's older brother William, has spent the last few months choosing flowers and clothes for her impending wedding day. But this week she had perhaps the most difficult decision to make of her life, which...

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Funny story: Famous Poet Laureate Commits Suicide. Leaves Suicide Poem.

Famous Poet Laureate Commits Suicide. Leaves Suicide Poem.

Ivana Poker, famous Southern poet from Macon, Georgia was found hanged in her apartment this morning -- an apparent suicide. Friends and relatives have stated that Ms. Poker, winner of the 1986 Nobel Prize in Literature,had been depressed and di...

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Funny story: Internet gaming replaces HIV as No. 1 killer of young males!

Internet gaming replaces HIV as No. 1 killer of young males!

After the recent death of a Chinese man who had "gamed" himself to death after a three day session without food or drink it seems that internet gaming has replaced HIV as the world's most upcoming serious serial killer of young males, especially in A...

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Funny story: Pessimism to be come 'cause of death' - NHS

Pessimism to be come 'cause of death' - NHS

Patients who display pessimism in the ability of the NHS to make them better often leads to a self fulfilling prophecy containing an untimely passing that is totally and utterly of the patients own making, according to researchers. The research sh...

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Funny story: Man Sitting In Check Causes Train Crash That Leaves 12 Dead

Man Sitting In Check Causes Train Crash That Leaves 12 Dead

An underhand move whilst a train driver and a conductor were playing a game of human Chess, caused the death of 12 passengers. The train, travelling on the Ullapool to Fort William line hit disaster after the conductor had put the driver to the...

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Funny story: Idiot Does Really Well For Himself

Idiot Does Really Well For Himself

In Britain, an idiot has done rather well for himself, and his achievements offer hope to other idiots who might similarly aspire to do really well and get on in what passes for the world, in Britain, or elsewhere. The idiot appeared on a rather splendid TV Series early last summer, in which he was able, by virtue of having no responsibilities or experience, to look rather good in some jolly in...

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Funny story: GM Mandates Total Recall; Stops Production of Volt After Reports of Hundreds Frozen to Death in Snowbound Cars With Dead Batteries!

GM Mandates Total Recall; Stops Production of Volt After Reports of Hundreds Frozen to Death in Snowbound Cars With Dead Batteries!

There was a slight glitch in the President Obama's commitment to electric cars touted in his recent State of the Union address, as reports are coming in that hundreds of Hybrid car owners have been found frozen to death in massive traffic tie ups fr...

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Funny story: Local Man Shocked When He Finds Everyone Else His Age is Dead, Or Have Lost Sense of Humour!

Local Man Shocked When He Finds Everyone Else His Age is Dead, Or Have Lost Sense of Humour!

Local Man, and sometimes Spoof Writer, Melvin Wordsmithe, well recovered from his walk about in an attempt to find 'good news' to write about, was shocked today when he found out no one else his age still lives or can laugh about the phenomena. Th...

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