MLB snoops have reportedly uncovered an underground drug ring that swapped steroids for ball players for botox for Congressional candidates. Politicians agreed to look the other way on steroid use if they received a steady supply of skin tightener fr...
The wealthiest team in history has yielded one of the richest bacterial cultures in the CDC record books. Usually in yankee lore the records were for homeruns, pennants and world series. But since the Steingrabber twins fired Joe Torre,a malaise has...
In a bold attempt to improve its image, Bud Selig, Commissioner of Major League Baseball, yesterday announced that, effective immediately, spitting has been banned from the sport. "Little old ladies throughout America have long complained about th...
A man is helping Washington police following an attack on the White House. It is believed that a baseball was thrown through a window late last night. Security forces were quick to respond and an arrest was made. The individual was led away talking g...
Standards of England's sportsmen have fallen so low that the USA yesterday defeated England at football and cricket, and on the same day, and with the same players. 'It was easy', American fast bowler Ellington Duke said, 'we had them all out by l...
In a new wrinkle in the scandalous performance effecting drugs in baseball, Holland's World baseball Classic Cinderella team has been banned for using PIS. WBC doctors have analyzed the piss of every player on every team and the entire squad of t...
Not since Hans Brinker and his Silver Skates put his finger in some Amsterdam dyke has Holland's sportsmen distinguished themselves as much as they have in their double defeat of the formidable major league all-star millionaire team from third world...
Osaka, Japan - (Fishy Finger Ass Mess): A Japanese baseball team's ritual desecration of a Colonel Sanders effigy ended this week with the dredging of Osaka's Dotonbori riverbed and the retrieval of the iconic totem. The Hanshin Tigers threw the t...
Maniac Ramirez, this is the man who turned Beantown into Madmen by slumping, then scoring, then faking injuries from cancer to leprosy. Finally the RedSox nation received a reprieve and the Washington Heights, NY nutjob moved on to punish a man who h...
Dirk "Bare-Handed" Mancini, an all-star shortstop with The Key West Keymakers was asked about the amazing fact that he has never used a baseball glove. Mancini just smiled and said that when he was a kid his family was very poor and they could no...
HOLLYWOOD - Warner Brothers Pictures has just announced that they have signed Roger Clemens to star as the lead in "Oops - The Mark McGuire Story." The unemployed baseball pitcher says that he is thrilled to be allowed to show yet another side (hi...
NEW YORK CITY, New York - New York Yankees superstar and self-professed ex-steroid user, Alex Rodriguez has asked that he be traded. A-Rod told a reporter for ESPN that he is having an extremely hard time trying to concentrate on baseball with the...
(New York-NY) Yours truly Ed "E." is feeling the pressure at work. Can you believe it, me? We've cut down. I was told that we need to do more with less. Or as my Boss said, "In your case, less with even less." So with the added hours and as you loyal...
It took quite a bit of courage for Freddie Hancock to get into the shower with all his teammates after the neighborhood donkey-basketball game for a local charity. "I thought I felt a pin prick when I bent over awhile ago!" yelled Billy Ray Johnso...
Ferris Bumbleton has been announced as coach of the Louisiana 49'ers baseball team for next summers World Series. Bumbleton, a highly qualified psychologist and motivator, admits that he doesn't know much about the game of baseball but team bosses...
CLEVELAND, Ohio - The age old sports practice of NFL football players wearing a baseball cap on the sidelines and during locker room post game interviews is coming to an end. A Class 1 lawsuit has been filed in the third district appellate court...
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania - Well after months of speculation, Pittsburgh Pirates owner and vice executive assistant director of minor league operations in Latin America, Jamison Desmond Bidwell, has confirmed that the Pittsburgh Pirates are in fact mo...
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