Today the new charity Help The Banks appealed to the British public to send in their donations. Their secretary, Alistair Starling, said: 'At this time of the year many bank managers are suffering. While you and your families are eating your Christma...
In a bizarre twist last night, the latest revelations that the banks were duped by a multi-billionaire American fraudster have themselves been revealed as a fraudulent scam. Global financial institutions claim to have lost billions on a pyramid inve...
Dear Sirs, With regard to what seems to be happening on an international scale with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could enlighten me in the following scenario: If one of my checks is returned marked "insufficient funds," how will I know whether that refers to me or to you? Yours Sincerely Mr I. Seine...
In a ray of good news during the economic crisis, RBS have stated that they will give a six month grace period to home owners defaulting on their mortgages. "We're just jolly nice chaps," said Richard Bertram-Smythe, the man who gave his initials...
In a surprise turnaround, the Chancellor has today announced he will not be bailing out the struggling Banks. In an interview with a major news channel he said "I have decided the only way out of this mess is to give the money to the public. I'm...
The Prime Minister got really angry today with bankers who refused to lend customers money despite massive government bailouts. Singled out for a particularly vitriolic attack was Stan The Bastard's Bank, Building Society, and Pizzeria, of Hartlep...
A luxury private jet on route to Japan with some of Britain's most senior bankers on board, was forced to land at a remote airport in Siberia yesterday after the airline 'Carrion Jet Services' was put into administration. The pilot and crew have bee...
A riot broke out yesterday when a gang of well dressed marauding ex bank executives mugged Father Christmas outside Selfridges. There were reports of serious injury especially to HBOS execs who, in turn, were mugged by Lloyds execs who claimed entitl...
Sir Ron McKlipklop, the chairman of RBS has told his shareholders that he is 'profoundly sorry for the current state of affairs of the bank'. At the banks' annual Christmas luncheon, which is held weekly in a different 5-star hotel so as not to of...
London - a large international bank has paid one of its best cleaners a £12m bonus this year. The cleaner who wishes to remain anonymous has been given the huge city bonus following years of delivering exceptional performance. Following a recent r...
US stocks dropped across the board Monday after a US banking giant announced a massive Wall Street cull with a record 250,000 broker 'kill' permits issued amid concerns of a deepening you-know-what. The firm said that it hoped to eliminate about...
As shareholders consider whether to accept the Lloyds TSB offer, the HBOS board are said to be considering a "plan B" for raising capital if the offer is turned down - namely a "Children in Need" type of telethon appeal A spokesman explained - "...
Banking leader Bob The Banker has faced shareholders and stated that "we can't fix this." Wendy and Roley were by Bob's side as he addressed the angry group, despite being laid off earlier in the day. "The fact is it's not Bobs fault" Wendy told...
After a massive influx of cash into the UK Banking system, the banks have decided that the best way to ease the credit crunch is to set up offshore banks. The chairmen and directors of the 'Big Three' (HBOS, Lloyds-TSB) have bought large ocean go...
A leading bank, despite receiving a giant bailout, is telling its employees that a bonus bonanza is still in the offing! The unscrupulous "corpse-oration" (which literally means a prayer over a dead body) has joined many multinationals in continu...
Canary Wharf, London - (Ass Mess): Unemployed bankers have just 65 days left before the chance of a bit of Yuletide legover as thousands of disgruntled wives and partners freeze out their other halves from the bedroom in the current frigid economic c...
Off-the-Wall-St, NYC - (Fatcat Mess): Tony Blair, widely accredited as the secret genius behind the $5 trillion global nationalisation of banks, is in line for a whopping great big fatcat rake off according to reports in BigOilShagger! magazine. B...
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