Sir Ron McKlipklop, the chairman of RBS has told his shareholders that he is 'profoundly sorry for the current state of affairs of the bank'. At the banks' annual Christmas luncheon, which is held weekly in a different 5-star hotel so as not to of...
London - a large international bank has paid one of its best cleaners a £12m bonus this year. The cleaner who wishes to remain anonymous has been given the huge city bonus following years of delivering exceptional performance. Following a recent r...
US stocks dropped across the board Monday after a US banking giant announced a massive Wall Street cull with a record 250,000 broker 'kill' permits issued amid concerns of a deepening you-know-what. The firm said that it hoped to eliminate about...
As shareholders consider whether to accept the Lloyds TSB offer, the HBOS board are said to be considering a "plan B" for raising capital if the offer is turned down - namely a "Children in Need" type of telethon appeal A spokesman explained - "...
Banking leader Bob The Banker has faced shareholders and stated that "we can't fix this." Wendy and Roley were by Bob's side as he addressed the angry group, despite being laid off earlier in the day. "The fact is it's not Bobs fault" Wendy told...
After a massive influx of cash into the UK Banking system, the banks have decided that the best way to ease the credit crunch is to set up offshore banks. The chairmen and directors of the 'Big Three' (HBOS, Lloyds-TSB) have bought large ocean go...
A leading bank, despite receiving a giant bailout, is telling its employees that a bonus bonanza is still in the offing! The unscrupulous "corpse-oration" (which literally means a prayer over a dead body) has joined many multinationals in continu...
Canary Wharf, London - (Ass Mess): Unemployed bankers have just 65 days left before the chance of a bit of Yuletide legover as thousands of disgruntled wives and partners freeze out their other halves from the bedroom in the current frigid economic c...
Off-the-Wall-St, NYC - (Fatcat Mess): Tony Blair, widely accredited as the secret genius behind the $5 trillion global nationalisation of banks, is in line for a whopping great big fatcat rake off according to reports in BigOilShagger! magazine. B...
A new "get rich without doing any work" scheme, previously favoured by pyramid sellers, multi-level marketers, email spammers and Bettaware, has been hailed as the latest 'British Success' by the CBI, who, to quote TV celebrity Vicky Pollard, "don't...
Gordon Brown leads the world by nationalising the UK banking system reports ratters. Son of a minister Gordon Brown is seen as the "Messiah" as the world economic nears meltdown. "I had no option," Gordon stated. "Money is the root of all evil...
Gordon Brown has announced another bold new strategy to handle the crisis caused by Iceland's banking crisis. "I am announcing today that Iceland will be melted down and bottled to be sold as overpriced mineral water in London's top restaurants."...
Trust: a word that had shared the title of banks throughout world history and certainly in the names of US banks for almost 300 years. Since this American disastrous economic collapse, banks across America have deleted the word trust from their title...
Reykjavík - Iceland is basking in the world spotlight today as it has been pinpointed as the source of the global economic meltdown. Farmwife Sonja Arnason, of Stokkseyr, just outside of Reykjavík was defrosting her kitchen freezer and somehow cro...
In what some may think was a strange turn of events, a thief who used to rob branches of the Bradford and Bingley Building Society prior to the credit crunch turned the act of robbery on its head today. Well known, disrespected, unemployed yet ref...
Washington AC/DC - (Motherf***ers Gone To Iceland! Mess): UK Finance Minister Alistair Darling is in White House talks this weekend, trying to persuade President Bush about the merits of nuking Asses of Evil rogue state Iceland. "Taxpayers around...
Denver, Colorado (IPP) - The United States Department of the Treasury will take over piggy banks as well as many of the nation's federally regulated banks. The plan was put into motion by George W. Bush and Secretary of the Treasury Dempsey Dumpst...
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