1. Until the outbreak of terrorism against the United States in 2001, guards at airports usually kept their eyes opened for big boobs, rear ends. 2. At Brigham Young University, tail-gaiting football fans usually cook barbecued chicken, open kegs of Near Beer! 3. According to those that were here at the time, the U.S. Census for 1490 showed over ten million buffalo! 4. According to how it...
1. The number one fear of all men is public speaking. However, the number two fear is that their next cellmate has a whopper. 2. Most people today believe that the Macarena came from Latin America. However, it was actually copied from a dance by President Jimmy Carter's brother, Billy, after drinking too much beer before getting into the line to see the two-headed goat at Ye Auld Peanut Days in...
A recent study of working practises within the UK, by the New Labour Gratification Committee, had decided that serving alcohol in the workplace would be beneficial for the following reasons: 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communication. 4. It reduces complaint about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a ha...
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome:I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localised form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That's why women cannot shut their flipping mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers. 9. Men are not sponges: Women are social chameleons - or...
1. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 2. A woman can never be blamed if it's wet on the floor around the toilet bowl. 3. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it's because she was being emotionally neglected. 4. Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable standard at the same time. 5.
We are inundated every day with facts and figures from times past. We are told of the daring deeds of adventurous souls, explorers, inventors and achievers of great human endeavors. But how often have you wondered about things that Never happened? I am guessing Never. But that is immaterial, because I have compiled a list of the top 5 Historical events to have NEVER happened. Enjoy!...
"When you're single…" 1. You get the whole couch to yourself. 2. There's half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do. 3. You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments. 4. You can get home from work at whatever time you like. 5. You get to eat the whole "meal for two" by yourself. 6. There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse's parents, etc)...
These are the top ten reasons why Sharon Osbourne should NEVER EVER be a judge on ANY TALENT SHOW: 10. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 9. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 8. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 7. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 6. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 5. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 4. Sharon Osbourne has NO talent 3. Sharon Osbourne has...
Here are the Top Ten reasons why YOU should become a Spoof Writer: 10. It's an outlet for your frustrations 9. You will be on a site with people as crazy (or crazier) that you are 8. You can be 'anyone' you wish to be 7. You can say anything you wish to say (within reason) 6. If you have an 'addictive personality' this is for YOU 5. If your grammar and spelling a...
The World Music Federation has concluded a world wide survey of the best of popular music of all time. The results are bound to cause uproar throughout the entertainment industry. TOP Popular Music is 'Anarchy in the UK' by the Sex Pistols. The choice may overturn the British Government. Second was 'Empty Bed Blues' by Bessie Smith. Public sympathy for this choice is assured. Third...
Below are ten things we can expect from the new Apple iPhone: 1) It will be able to pick out the winner of next year's Britain's Got Talent if you know which buttons to push 2) It will be able to operate your home appliances by remote control, making life much easier for those who can't put the damn iPhone down 3) It will be able to babysit your young ones, feed...
iLonely - For women. A nighttime application that simulates a man snoring through the night. iVagina for men sold separately. iMencia - Steals other applications and takes them as its own. Also known as the iSuck. iPhone phone app - This ingenious program actually allows you to press a certain 10 digits that will then allow you to speak to another human being anywhere in the world! iPho...
12. Special ass flap for gown. $25. But free if you allow some advertising there. 11. 3D TV in every room and always on, $50 per day. 10. Carrying charge for wheeling you out to your car in a wheelchair. 9. Tip for guard who watched over your car while you were inside. $10-$25. 8. Any pubic shaving mishaps. 7. Appendix replacement, $200. 6. Extra, extra special sponge baths are $...
Top Ten Tricks Magician David Copperfield Is Reduced To Doing For Kid's Birthday Parties 10. Magically removes a wad of wax from a kid's ear. 9. Makes balloon poodles out of special ribbed balloons. 8. Shows them how they can magically disappear by closing their eyes. 7. Saws Gumby in half and magically puts him back together! 6. The magically sudden appearance of the Manhattan Bi...
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? 2. Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's butt looked edible? 3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat? 4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no on...
With BGT hysteria about to descend on to our screens we decided to take a real look at the show. Here are 20 facts about the show and the panel; 1.BGT's panel of judges have about as much combined talent as a primary school for the deaf's Christmas play. 2.All acts are viewed first by a nameless panel. They then split the contestants in to two groups, one named 'ahhh could make Amanda cry'...
40 phrases you don't want to here from a girl friend or spouse 1. "Deeper, come on Deeper Dammit!" 2. "Don't worry babe, it's a common thing" 3. "I would love to kiss you but your breath smells" 4. "Don't worry he's just a friend." 5. "I wish I would of married your brother." 6. "Was that your balls I just sat on ?" 7. "leave the seat up one more time and I'm gonna cast...
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