A National Audit Commission report reveals that things have been steadily bad over the last few years, but have started to get worse since 2008. The report, commissioned by Harold Wilson's government during the troubles of 1974, is itself quite b...
Hello to all my fellow loft dwellers and flat lifers! Has the NeoMetro got a sweet tweet for you this week! We all know how much you love strutting around the apartment in a state of undress, right? Well, if you are anything like me, then you also know the importance of having reliable locks on your doors while still having those nearly invisible curtains that can be so easily seen through from...
NASA and JPL today announced the cancellation of the forthcoming Mars Science Lab mission (MSL), based on the poor economic situation, a general disinterest of the public and various redundancy factors. NASA's chief Spokesman, Major Tom Thomas, sa...
Following news here that an Englishman in the Black Country had claimed to have discovered the meaning of life in a dictionary, a claim now disproved by the American Society of Simpleology but believed by most Americans as ABC News said it was true,...
The answer to the meaning of life has always eluded mankind. For centuries our philosophers have pored over this ponderous question that concerns the purpose and significance of our humble existence - until now, that is! Yesterday afternoon, Dudle...
Research has shown that the chance of you living to 100 or more is 10000-1. Even in families where there is a history of living longer you still have to avoid accidents and disease which is harder to fight off the older you get. Scientist Ian You...
Men all over the world are said to be 'heading for the hills' as women all over the world synchronize there periods to create one hellish up and coming 5 days. News of this mass synchronization came as Mark Bishop a Canadian man got home from work...
Forrest Grump has been called the worlds grumpiest person as he is more pissed off than anyone else on the planet about the state of the World. He is fed up with reports of Wars, Imperialism, Monarchies, Race Hatred, Religious Indoctrination, Secr...
Depths of Hell- Whats the point of living is one writers journey into the depths of irrational reasoning. With banks receiving bailouts from the gov, rich people getting paid by the gov, poor people being laid off by the gov screwing everyone, whats the point of living? President Barrack youmotherfucker Obama has literally screwed the whole United States. He has rammed his neo-nazi communist,...
Scientists at Hackney University say it may now be possible to live forever. Remarkable research, published this week, will show that by inhaling air into the lungs, it may be possible to maintain life. Team leader Dr Margaret Dung, who led th...
A new gene has been isolated in the serum of Barack Obama's blood that is believed to extend the worlds average life expectancy to 140 years. Scientist in Berkley, CA., studying Obama's blood have isolated a gene never before discovered in homo sapie...
Researchers have revealed that oak trees live for four times as long in the county of Kent, than they do in Scotland. The average lifespan of a Kentish Oak - barring hurricanes - is 1,000 years, whereas in Scotland the figures reveal an average li...
Intelligence Gathering Agencies in the U.K. have disclosed the effect of stress on their operatives in a new report out today. It has long been known that terrorist cells have been communicating with each other through pornographic web sites. In...
Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams was trying to halt rumours today that the secret of eternal life had been discovered nesting in his enormous wad of face fuzz by his local GP during a regular check up. "This allegation is ludicrous" he warb...
"By the time I knew about it, it was too late." - Those are the words of Roger Ford, resident of Tuscaloosa, South Carolina, who recently participated in a study supported by the National Institute of Health about the most common causes of death in...
A man has been caught by police offering to buy years in exchange for money. Throughout history, vast numbers of children have fallen for the lure of such comparatively large wealth and some have sold much of their life to the man, who says that h...
Columbus resident Steve "Skip" Lomeyer briefly returned from the dead last week to inform his family that his death had no reason or moral and there was nothing to be learned from the whole event. The 68 year old Lomeyer was crossing a street...
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