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Funny satire stories about Jesus

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Funny story: The Name' s Bond... Jesus Bond!

The Name' s Bond... Jesus Bond!

Under the Freedom of information act, top-secret papers have been uncovered at the National Archives Office in London revealing that the 'perfect spy' should be plain-looking, 5'7" or 5'8" tall and have exceptional hearing. He (they were sexist in t...

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Funny story: Jesus Upstaged in Easter Mass by Cardinal Defending Pope

Jesus Upstaged in Easter Mass by Cardinal Defending Pope

For the first time in history, Easter Mass was not about Jesus' resurrection but about the Pope being a great leader of the Catholic Church in spite of many claims of sexual abuse by priests all over the world and the Pope's inefficient handling of t...

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Funny story: Face of Christ on a Sheeps Backside

Face of Christ on a Sheeps Backside

Ballygobackwards Co Clare. - The sleepy village of Ballygobackwards woke this morning to the glare of the media. Television crews and journalists descended on the little Irish village. The reason for all this attention was the reported vision of C...

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Funny story: Robert Pattinson asks was Jesus a Vampire

Robert Pattinson asks was Jesus a Vampire

Robert Pattinson claims there is evidence that Jesus Christ, might have been a vampire,as only vampires can rise from the dead. In vampire Movies, vampires are frightened of daylight, which Robert thinks is something to do with the fact that Jesus...

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Funny story: So You Think Easter is an Innocent Holiday

So You Think Easter is an Innocent Holiday

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Easter - According to a World Net Daily article by Joe Kovacs, Easter is a pagan ritual that will make you burn in hell. In fact, according to the author, even mentioning the name Easter is a sin worthy of death. In fact, the author, making a valiant attempt to save us from the evils of Easter puts his own salvation at risk by mentioning Easter 24 times. This brav...

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Funny story: Jesus and Mohammed Appear in Haiti to Promote the Apocalypse

Jesus and Mohammed Appear in Haiti to Promote the Apocalypse

The wine flowed in pace with the bread and fish in Leogone Haiti today. Jesus served the multitudes while Mohammed moved the mountains of debris from the earthquake ravaged country to the delight of the deserving population whose hopelessness is seco...

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Funny story: Ronald Weinland - One of two of God's prophets - tells of Jesus returning

Ronald Weinland - One of two of God's prophets - tells of Jesus returning

I've been doing some serious research since reading and writing about Jesus wanting to be President. It appears that 2012 is in his diary, but it's for a different reason. That's how rumours get started. This should teach us all to do our resear...

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Funny story: Jesus wants to be President

Jesus wants to be President

On having recently read the news that the Holy Three are working hard to get Jesus elected in the 2012 elections I was pondering over the effect it will have on the majority of Susan Boyle's American fanatics. When the news reaches them, if it ha...

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Funny story: Image of Jesus seen in Christine Bleakley

Image of Jesus seen in Christine Bleakley

Roly poly West Brom fan and presenter of BBC1's The One Show, Adrian Chiles, claims he had a 'highly religious moment' when he saw the face of Jesus. Not in the bottom of a saucepan or on a piece of mouldy bread like normal members of the public...

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Funny story: Jesus For President 2016 - Conservatives Have A Hemorrhage

Jesus For President 2016 - Conservatives Have A Hemorrhage

Jesus Christ Himself announced His candidacy for the President of the United States in 2016. Rather than commencing with the long awaited Second Coming, the Big Three (Father, Son and Holy Ghost) changed game plans and decided that the political...

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Funny story: Jesus's diaries found in attic

Jesus's diaries found in attic

Have you ever asked yourself "What would Jesus do?", well thanks to a plucky 47 year old former con man the answer may be readily at hand. Gary Edam, a one time benefits thief from West Yorkshire, stumbled across the find in his ex-wife's attic ea...

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Funny story: Jesus weeps and Madonna "bares her cross" tatooed on her bum!

Jesus weeps and Madonna "bares her cross" tatooed on her bum!

Jesus has decided to take over Madonna's role and has apparently been seen weeping in Rio De Janiero. As far as we know Jesus was entertaining Samba dancers when someone threw beer at him causing his eyes to water. The tears came flowing down his...

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Funny story: Elton John: my shock love affair with Jesus

Elton John: my shock love affair with Jesus

Elton John has sensationally confessed to the affair of the century. He revealed that not only was Jesus gay but that Elton had an affair with him. Mr John made the claim in this week's Trash magazine. He claimed that in the year 25AD, he met Jesu...

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Funny story: Candle In The Wind Mark III

Candle In The Wind Mark III

Goodbye Jerusalem's Queen, Though I never knew you at all You had a fantastic arse Those around all agreed They crawled up your butt cheeks And whispered into your brain "Do you mind if I shoot my load?' And they made you do it again. And it seems to me you lived your life Like a poofter in the wind Never knowing who to cling to When the urge set in And I would have liked to bum you...

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Funny story: The Gospel According To St Elton

The Gospel According To St Elton

And Jesus did enter into James' house and didst say unto him "You are my beloved. I love you more than any of the other guys who I hang around with." And James did blush at the words of Jesus. For James did worship Jesus and did regularly go down on his knees before him. They went to James' bedroom and they did remain there for three whole days. On the third day they rose, as if from the dea...

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Funny story: Jesus Elton did you say Jesus was Gay?

Jesus Elton did you say Jesus was Gay?

Elton John has made the sensational claim that Jesus was gay in a controversial interview for a magazine in the USA. Elton said "I think Jesus was a super compassionate,super intelligent gay man who understood human problems" The Bible Bashers...

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Funny story: Jesus claims Elton John 'isn't gay'

Jesus claims Elton John 'isn't gay'

After Elton John claimed that Jesus was a gay man in an interview he did for some magazine called Parade - not the British wank mag from the nineties but an American Sunday newspaper magazine apparently - Jesus has hit back in some quotations...

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