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Funny satire stories about Crime

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Funny story: Eight year-old goes on shooting rampage in Supermarket

Eight year-old goes on shooting rampage in Supermarket

Chaos reigned for a short and bloody time at a local supermarket in Halibut as an eight year old indulged on a vicious shooting rampage, armed with an imaginary machine gun and a pack of fifteen imaginary grenades, inflicting maximum casualties.

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Funny story: Shylock Humes: The hound of the Basketvills: Part almost the last

Shylock Humes: The hound of the Basketvills: Part almost the last

After a good nights sleep, the three men emerged from the dank gloom of the inn. Eager to get going, Graves hailed the stable lad and requested thier horses be saddled. The stable lad spoke. "You ate them last night" "Wot do you mean, we ate them last night?" ask Graves. "You ordered steak and chippings didnt you? Where do you think we got the steak from, Tesco?" laughed the lad. "Lets go...

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Funny story: Roomba Robot Released that Can Clear Up Street Crime

Roomba Robot Released that Can Clear Up Street Crime

LONDON - At a demonstration in the city's notourious East End, iRobot showcased their new 'bot. iRobot who also make the Roomba, the self-vacuuming robot for the home, will sell the new Cityba, which can clear up street crime with efficiency and s...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Four

Shylock Humes And The Case Of The Purloined Budgerigar, Part Four

We looked around the room. Shylock Humes was conspicuous by his absence. The Turkish cushions where he had been smoking lay in a shapeless heap in the corner. Well, that is not strictly accurate. It was a heap-shaped heap. But the cushions were definitely in it. That much is true. The fire had gone out. It was always doing that, without telling us where it was going. No doubt it would come cree...

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Funny story: Mafia Set Up Shop in UK

Mafia Set Up Shop in UK

Unconfirmed reports are surfacing that Chicago's notorious head of La Familia, Don Mario Malvagio, has been elected Grand Master Wizard of the UK's 700,000 Freemasons at Bristol's famous Masonic Hall. In a ground-breaking ceremony involving apron...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes: The Hound of the Basketvills Part 3

Shylock Humes: The Hound of the Basketvills Part 3

Shylock sent his friend and companion, Dr. Flotsum, a telegram. The message arrived tied to a brick that crashed through his lounge window, and struck Flotsum on the head. "Ow fuck!". He cried. "Cut backs!". Shouted the messenger boy as he rode off. Flotsum opened the note. come quickly. It read. "How does he know these things", thought Flotsum. Several hours later, Flotsum arrived...

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Funny story: Jean-Charles de Menezes-style police patrols for 2012 Olympics tube

Jean-Charles de Menezes-style police patrols for 2012 Olympics tube

London - (Big Bang Theories): Elite gun units will patrol London's underground network in the run up to the Olympics London Mayor Boris Johnson said today. The new undercover squad will prowl the tube network amid increasing fears of terror attack...

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Funny story: Crimewatch UK Update

Crimewatch UK Update

Crimewatch UK Update MOST WANTED: Name: Cameron David William Donald. (Also known as Twinkle, Spoon-in-the-mouth, and The Poseur. Offence/s: Endangering the 61,113,205 population of the UK, by scrapping the Nimrod Surveillance Planes, thus leaving them open to terrorist attack by removing the tools to monitor known terrorists air-wave activity. Threatening the 2.5m officially (4.1...

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Funny story: Do Crimewatch reconstructions help?

Do Crimewatch reconstructions help?

Crimewatch, the Reality TV show for criminals, has been on the air now for twenty years. During this time, they have helped police close many cases, so they claim. One of the more popular methods for enlisting the help of the public is to show a 'reconstruction' using actors that bare a passing resemblance to the victim. Originally, these showed the information that the polcie had, last movemen...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes: The hound of the Basketvills: Part 2

Shylock Humes: The hound of the Basketvills: Part 2

After a good nights sleep, Shylock rang the servants bell on his bedroom wall. After a short while, there was a knock on the door. "Come in" Shouted Shylock. A toothless old crone entered the room. "You rang sir". "Yes, would it be possible to have a towel for my morning ablutions?" Enquired Shylock. "No sir", the woman replied, "its out". "Well what about soap?" Asked Shylock. "Graves is...

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Funny story: Shylock Humes: The Hound of the Basketvills. part 1

Shylock Humes: The Hound of the Basketvills. part 1

Shylock Humes, the worlds greatest detective, stopped his Landau outside the imposing mansion. He climed down and heard a squelch. A small man, resembling Quasimodo, stepped to Shylocks side. "It's der dogs, sird". "They must be Great Danes", said Shylock, as he scrapped a mound of dog shit from his boot. "Noo serd, dey is constipated Yorkshire terriers, I'm Graves serd, der butlins, kin I...

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Funny story: "Put Guns in Prison, Not Psychopaths" Say Liberal Activists

"Put Guns in Prison, Not Psychopaths" Say Liberal Activists

SAN FRANCISCO - Immediately after the mass-murder of sane, law-abiding citizens in Tucson, Arizona, the Liberal US Media and numerous Left-leaning groups practically ignored the "accused suspect" as being the "Real Killer," and proceeded to blame EVE...

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Funny story: Humans Banned From Doing Stuff, Lowers Crime Rate to 0%

Humans Banned From Doing Stuff, Lowers Crime Rate to 0%

NEW YORK - At the United Nation Conference on Crime, socialogists, psychologists, geographers, and all other manner of doctorate and professors decided how to lower crime. They first, came to the conclusion that crime is solely caused by humans.

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Funny story: Presidential Priorities, Political Correctness & Crime and Justice in the US

Presidential Priorities, Political Correctness & Crime and Justice in the US

Most law abiding, hard working, tax paying citizens, and even sports fans were scratching their heads this week after it was revealed that a President under Siege could take the time to praise a billionaire Democratic fund raiser for hiring a convicted felon who served time for the horrendous crimes involved with the abuse, maiming and death of dogs. President Obama, while claiming victory in...

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Funny story: Retailers Offer Controversial 'Bitch-Wallet' to Thwart Purse Snatchers

Retailers Offer Controversial 'Bitch-Wallet' to Thwart Purse Snatchers

New Jersey retailers have begun selling the "Bitch-Wallet", designed to replace purses and pocketbooks, in order to thwart criminals, in light of the recent wave of purse-snatchers in the area. "The Bitch-Wallet does everything a purse does," said...

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Funny story: Met find shotgun in children's play park in Hackney

Met find shotgun in children's play park in Hackney

A working shotgun has been found hidden in a children's play park in east London, it has emerged. Police, responding to a tip-off, used a metal detector and sniffer dog to search the Apples and Pears play area in the park on Pearson Street, Hackne...

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Funny story: Encyclopaedia Salesman Tries To Pass Himself Off As Burglar To Gain Entry To Woman's House

Encyclopaedia Salesman Tries To Pass Himself Off As Burglar To Gain Entry To Woman's House

Police are investigating the strange case of an encyclopaedia salesman in London who tried to gain entry into a woman's house by claiming he was a burglar. The man, Johnny Repp, was arrested after he duped his way into the home of Elsie Nobble, 93...

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