Chaos reigned for a short and bloody time at a local supermarket in Halibut as an eight year old indulged on a vicious shooting rampage, armed with an imaginary machine gun and a pack of fifteen imaginary grenades, inflicting maximum casualties.
After a good nights sleep, the three men emerged from the dank gloom of the inn. Eager to get going, Graves hailed the stable lad and requested thier horses be saddled.
The stable lad spoke. "You ate them last night"
"Wot do you mean, we ate them last night?" ask Graves.
"You ordered steak and chippings didnt you? Where do you think we got the steak from, Tesco?" laughed the lad.
LONDON - At a demonstration in the city's notourious East End, iRobot showcased their new 'bot.
iRobot who also make the Roomba, the self-vacuuming robot for the home, will sell the new Cityba, which can clear up street crime with efficiency and s...
We looked around the room. Shylock Humes was conspicuous by his absence. The Turkish cushions where he had been smoking lay in a shapeless heap in the corner. Well, that is not strictly accurate. It was a heap-shaped heap. But the cushions were definitely in it. That much is true.
The fire had gone out. It was always doing that, without telling us where it was going. No doubt it would come cree...
Unconfirmed reports are surfacing that Chicago's notorious head of La Familia, Don Mario Malvagio, has been elected Grand Master Wizard of the UK's 700,000 Freemasons at Bristol's famous Masonic Hall.
In a ground-breaking ceremony involving apron...
Shylock sent his friend and companion, Dr. Flotsum, a telegram. The message arrived tied to a brick that crashed through his lounge window, and struck Flotsum on the head.
"Ow fuck!". He cried.
"Cut backs!". Shouted the messenger boy as he rode off.
Flotsum opened the note. come quickly. It read.
"How does he know these things", thought Flotsum.
Several hours later, Flotsum arrived...
London - (Big Bang Theories): Elite gun units will patrol London's underground network in the run up to the Olympics London Mayor Boris Johnson said today.
The new undercover squad will prowl the tube network amid increasing fears of terror attack...
Crimewatch UK Update
Name: Cameron David William Donald. (Also known as Twinkle, Spoon-in-the-mouth, and The Poseur.
Endangering the 61,113,205 population of the UK, by scrapping the Nimrod Surveillance Planes, thus leaving them open to terrorist attack by removing the tools to monitor known terrorists air-wave activity.
Threatening the 2.5m officially (4.1...
Crimewatch, the Reality TV show for criminals, has been on the air now for twenty years. During this time, they have helped police close many cases, so they claim.
One of the more popular methods for enlisting the help of the public is to show a 'reconstruction' using actors that bare a passing resemblance to the victim. Originally, these showed the information that the polcie had, last movemen...
After a good nights sleep, Shylock rang the servants bell on his bedroom wall. After a short while, there was a knock on the door. "Come in" Shouted Shylock.
A toothless old crone entered the room. "You rang sir".
"Yes, would it be possible to have a towel for my morning ablutions?" Enquired Shylock.
"No sir", the woman replied, "its out".
"Well what about soap?" Asked Shylock.
Shylock Humes, the worlds greatest detective, stopped his Landau outside the imposing mansion. He climed down and heard a squelch. A small man, resembling Quasimodo, stepped to Shylocks side. "It's der dogs, sird".
"They must be Great Danes", said Shylock, as he scrapped a mound of dog shit from his boot.
"Noo serd, dey is constipated Yorkshire terriers, I'm Graves serd, der butlins, kin I...
SAN FRANCISCO - Immediately after the mass-murder of sane, law-abiding citizens in Tucson, Arizona, the Liberal US Media and numerous Left-leaning groups practically ignored the "accused suspect" as being the "Real Killer," and proceeded to blame EVE...
NEW YORK - At the United Nation Conference on Crime, socialogists, psychologists, geographers, and all other manner of doctorate and professors decided how to lower crime.
They first, came to the conclusion that crime is solely caused by humans.
Most law abiding, hard working, tax paying citizens, and even sports fans were scratching their heads this week after it was revealed that a President under Siege could take the time to praise a billionaire Democratic fund raiser for hiring a convicted felon who served time for the horrendous crimes involved with the abuse, maiming and death of dogs.
President Obama, while claiming victory in...
New Jersey retailers have begun selling the "Bitch-Wallet", designed to replace purses and pocketbooks, in order to thwart criminals, in light of the recent wave of purse-snatchers in the area.
"The Bitch-Wallet does everything a purse does," said...
A working shotgun has been found hidden in a children's play park in east London, it has emerged.
Police, responding to a tip-off, used a metal detector and sniffer dog to search the Apples and Pears play area in the park on Pearson Street, Hackne...
Police are investigating the strange case of an encyclopaedia salesman in London who tried to gain entry into a woman's house by claiming he was a burglar.
The man, Johnny Repp, was arrested after he duped his way into the home of Elsie Nobble, 93...
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