Realizing the futility of her chances for the 2012 presidential election, Palin and a few select investors will open their first Alaskan Steaks franchise based in Ottumwa, Alaska. With a business plan that calls for direct competition with Omaha...
Congresswoman and Nobel prize winning particle physicist and quantum mechanic Sarah Palin was today given her warmest endorsement by the Republican party in the run-up to the 2012 election campaign. Republican senator George S.Cross of Texas said...
WASILLA, Alaska - It is now officially official, Sarah Palin has announced that she will not be running for the office of the president of the United States in 2012. "Snowflake" Palin spoke before a group of assembled news reporters on the front d...
At a press conference this afternoon, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie put the final nail in the coffin that he had put the final nail in last week by declaring he was not running for President of the Unites States. Reporters, like horny college...
Governor Chris Christie took the podium at a press conference today to announce his candidacy for President of the United States. Christie proclaimed, "The fat's I the fire! I am running for President! I have said several times in the past I did...
Washington--Rush Limbaugh is not ready to admit that the man he has mocked since November 4, 2008 has actually made him a lot richer. A fact that has caused Rush to go back on the pills. "I categorically deny that Obama helped make me richer than...
The United States Commission on State License Plate Slogan Approval has just released a list of ten states who have been granted permission to use brand new vehicle license plate slogans for 2012. A spokesperson for the commission noted that several state slogans were rejected including Nevada's - Bring Us Your Money Folks - We'll Hold It For Ya and Montana's - Okay So No One Knows Where We Are...
You need two things to enjoy this -- knowledge of the "N****r Head" scandal affecting the Perry campaign, and the tune to "Rocky Top" by the Osborne Brothers. Wish that I was at old N****r Head Off in the West Texas hills Ain't no colored folks on N****r Head Ain't no telephone bills. Once I had a girl on N****r Head Half Black the other half Sp*c. Paw found out and smacked me on...
Washington--Chris Christie isn't running for president, not until he can find his cock. "I want to make sure my cock matches the size of my ego. I really haven't seen it in years, so I get a little defensive when people asking me questions that a...
AUSTIN, Tex.--Governor and Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry is proud of Texas, often bragging that it's an economic powerhouse. Certainly, the numbers don't lie. Perry's Texas ranks 2nd in the nation in GDP and as a state, the Lone Sta...
Washington--Rick Perry promises everyone will be forced get their vaccinations when he becomes president. "I think it is my civic duty to force everyone to get vaccinations, even if they don't need it. Government shouldn't interfere in business,...
Miami, Florida - Overthrown last month in a corporate food fight, the Burger King has vowed to regain his kingdom - the home of the Whopper - by becoming President of the United States. "I have been deposed by a pack of jackals and knaves," the ki...
Simi Valley, California - The West Coast installment of the Republican presidential debates will open with an elaborate Hollywood musical production number, featuring all eight candidates. The unusual format was developed by NBC News, which is air...
Washington--Paul Ryan isn't running for president because he doesn't want his beautiful hair to turn grey like Obama's did this year. "I love my hair, and I think running for president would mean my hair might fall out or turn grey. I can't have...
Next week, at the Reuters/University of New Hampshire Republican Presidential Debate, congressman Ron Paul will be on stage alone, according to debate organizers. All other candidates have refused to participate. According to a near unanimous cro...
LAS VEGAS - Former Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman has officially endorsed porn star Ron Jeremy for president in 2012. Pursuant to Goodman, not only has Ron Jeremy contributed to economic growth since the porn industry has been a multi-billion doll...
WASHINGTON - Faye Kerr, president of Coalition for Barefoot Politicians, issued a statement blasting Congresswoman Shelley Berkley for shoe shopping. "As president of Coalition for Barefoot Politicians, I find Congresswoman Berkley's shoe shopping...
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