Below are ten things we can expect from the new Apple iPhone:
1) It will be able to pick out the winner of next year's Britain's Got Talent if you know which buttons to push
2) It will be able to operate your home appliances by remote control, making life much easier for those who can't put the damn iPhone down
3) It will be able to babysit your young ones, feed...
iLonely - For women. A nighttime application that simulates a man snoring through the night. iVagina for men sold separately.
iMencia - Steals other applications and takes them as its own. Also known as the iSuck.
iPhone phone app - This ingenious program actually allows you to press a certain 10 digits that will then allow you to speak to another human being anywhere in the world!
12. Special ass flap for gown. $25. But free if you allow some advertising there.
11. 3D TV in every room and always on, $50 per day.
10. Carrying charge for wheeling you out to your car in a wheelchair.
9. Tip for guard who watched over your car while you were inside. $10-$25.
8. Any pubic shaving mishaps.
7. Appendix replacement, $200.
6. Extra, extra special sponge baths are $...
Top Ten Tricks Magician David Copperfield Is Reduced To Doing For Kid's Birthday Parties
10. Magically removes a wad of wax from a kid's ear.
9. Makes balloon poodles out of special ribbed balloons.
8. Shows them how they can magically disappear by closing their eyes.
7. Saws Gumby in half and magically puts him back together!
6. The magically sudden appearance of the Manhattan Bi...
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
2. Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's butt looked edible?
3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no on...
With BGT hysteria about to descend on to our screens we decided to take a real look at the show. Here are 20 facts about the show and the panel;
1.BGT's panel of judges have about as much combined talent as a primary school for the deaf's Christmas play.
2.All acts are viewed first by a nameless panel. They then split the contestants in to two groups, one named 'ahhh could make Amanda cry'...
40 phrases you don't want to here from a girl friend or spouse
1. "Deeper, come on Deeper Dammit!"
2. "Don't worry babe, it's a common thing"
3. "I would love to kiss you but your breath smells"
4. "Don't worry he's just a friend."
5. "I wish I would of married your brother."
6. "Was that your balls I just sat on ?"
7. "leave the seat up one more time and I'm gonna cast...
Ten ways to ensure your 'new look' is even better than your old one:
1. Throw garbage out before flies start to lay eggs in it and before stink gets too bad.
2. Don't invite ugly family members to your soirees.
3. Only use plastic cutlery and paper plates for family 'get togethers' NEVER when entertaining real friends.
4. Pick up dog crap from inside and outside on a re...
A long ass time ago, people were afraid of penises. So afraid of them, that they labeled sex evil and declared condoms immoral.
Since then, a lot of sexual revolutions have passed and people learned that sex is natural. Or so I thought.
A couple of days ago my fundamentalist Christian friend (I don't know why, don't ask) told me that condoms are the most immoral use for rubber. Naturally,...
The iPad has rocked the world with it's 9 1/2" screen and sleek design. You can read books, play games, access safari, and most of all, one more device you would use to worship Steve Jobs.
These are the ten reasons why you need an iPad:
1. Worship the Apple Method.
If you already been in worshiping it with the iPhone and all the Macs, or just a starter, the iPad is a great device to star...
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Watch Reality Shows On T.V.
10. They are made for people who don't have a life.
9. They "star" idiots who want their 15 (or more) minutes
8. They're cheap to make because the participants take part for FREE because THEY don't have a life.
7. These shows are stupid. Extremely stupid people 'star' (if you can call it that) in them in...
George W. Bush was born on July 6th, 1946 - this makes him 2 years and 2 months older than I am.
He served as the 43rd President of the United States from 2001 to 2009. He kept getting re-elected because people found him funny and never knew 'what he would say next'.
In 2002 he was made an Honorary Member of the Comics Union and when making his acceptance speak he wore a fake red nose and...
1 Don't mention Margaret Thatcher
2 Don't mention Nigel Lawson
3 Don't mention Norman "rottweiler" Tebbit
4 Don't admit Maggie raped you when you were 12
5 Don't admit rottweiler held you down while Maggie raped you
6 Don't admit you enjoyed it
7 Don't say, I did not have sex with that woman
8 Don't mention the Common Market
9 Don't admit you know where Europe is
These are the top ten reasons for NOT accepting RED into your lives: submitted by an anonymous writer known merely as 'WHO'.
10. Red lingerie stands for danger, always has and always will.
9. Red is Satan's colour.
8. Red lights are the ones most people 'run' and get tickets for. The orange and green ones are safe.
7. Red electric rings glowing on your stove should NOT...
MIAMI - Super Bowl 44 was won by the New Orleans Saints who defeated the Indianapolis Colts 31-17. The Colts were favored by 4½ points.
TEN LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT SUPER BOWL XLIV
1. Queen Latifah's pre-game singing performance was not the worst in Super Bowl's 44 year history. Although it definitely was close, that honor still goes to American Idol alumni William Hung. At least QL sang...
In this article I will explain why nearly every person in the United States of America (I don't know, I live in England!)
Before I start stating my reasons I would like to say that the views expressed in this article are the views of me and the American, English, Iraqi, Iranian, Afghanistanian(???), Greek and Alien. The views in this article are not the views of George Bush Sr., Hilary Clinton...
After over a year as American President, this is a list of Barack Obama's 10 main achievements so far:
1. Er ... well, let's see, he ... er, what has he done, again? Withdrew US troops from Iraq, of course! Oh, he didn't do that? Odd, could've sworn that was the main reason he was elected.
2. Hmm, making up this list is not as easy as I thought. Aha! He went to London - and was ignored compl...
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