Die German "Lederhosen Battalion" stuffed the lame, tame "Three Lions" with impunity and England's tamest lion, Rooney, was given a "speziell lederhosen spanking" by the German defenders! It was a Blitzkrieg screwing in good old English "kick and...
England wakes this morning, subdued and disheartened, following yesterday's ignominious 4-1 defeat at the hands of their footballing nemesis, Germany. And whilst the England players prepare to return home, the FA will need to examine the evidence...
Sepp Blatter, head of the FIFA, the world soccer body, has announced that there is no need for goal-line technology, even after Frank Lampard's goal for England in the world cup went unseen by the Uruguayan officials. "Es ist gut die wie es ist,"...
MANGAUNG-BLOEMFONTEIN, South Africa - Fabio Capello, the Italian coach of the British Football Team was asked why his team lost to the German team. Capello shook his head and said that it was not his fault. He said that there are some very good re...
After England's ignominious 4-1 defeat by Germany, the English Football Association has turned to an unlikely source of salvation, David Icke. This shock decision is sure to outrage many England fans already angered by their team's poor performanc...
London - (OMG! Mess): The three inch 20 carat Star of Hindustan accidentally got caught in HM's throat amid the shock of a tosser ref's disallowed Frank Lampard goal. "Orf with his head!" the Queen cried just as the fastener of the 1901 Boucheron...
Sepp Blatter, FIFA President, is a wanted man today. Not because people want to buy him a drink, or break bread with him, or engage him in smalltalk - he's a wanted man because he is regarded in England and Mexico as a twat of the highest order. A...
MANGAUNG-BLOEMFONTEIN, South Africa - One of music's most popular young singers flew to South Africa with his date Kim Kardashian to watch the much anticipated soccer match between Germany and England at Mangaung-Bloemfontein's beautiful Vuvuzela Nat...
Bob Geldof didn't much like Mondays, back in the day when he was a Boomtown Rat. Cue England - June 28th 2010 - and now nobody likes Mondays. This is England in crisis. This is England on its knees. This is a defeated and deflated England - a hope...
It's the dream team England fans have been waiting for - everone's favourite Dalek Stephen Hawking is teaming up with a chimpanzee to take over the reigns of the England squad with immediate effect. While the England squad make their way back to t...
In an unexpected move, the 2nd half of the England v Germany game has been declared void. In a statement, football president Fred Blather declared: 'The evidence that the goal attempt by Lampard, not recognised by the Referee or his Assistant, was...
A disgraced England team, began the long trek home from South Africa, in a rowing boat. Asked why the long faces, Jermaine Defoe said; "We've only got one oar" A spokesperson for Fabio Capone said; "Fuck em, If I had my way, they would be swimming...
Fans are still scratching their heads at the beating England took from Germany. Those watching said there definitely was something strange going on and wondering if the rumors about the German team using mind control are actually true. England's p...
The knives are out. England expects that every man shall do his duty. Once more unto the breach dear friends. Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious by the summer sun of 1966. England v Germany. Not simply defeated. Humiliated. Made...
The penny finally drops. We've known for a while that John Terry's recent erratic behaviour was perhaps part of a larger plan but only now can we truly appreciate the gravity of the situation. He's repeatedly mounted his team mate Wayne Bridge's...
Getting 'knocked out of the Cup' is a sobering experience for any football team, but spare a thought for the plucky minnows of world football, Korea, who, last night, became the first country in history to be knocked out of the World Cup twice in sev...
Police in Manchester say a 35-year-old woman apparently excited about a football game in South Africa jumped around until she fell out her fourth story apartment, landed on a truck hauling a dumpster filled with mattresses, crawled out of the dumpste...
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