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Funny satire stories about Old People

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Funny story: Flu Outbreak and the Old Curable

Flu Outbreak and the Old Curable

Health Ministers have been advising pensioners to Save having to get a flu jab each year by not queuing outside the Post Office every Tuesday morning in the pouring rain an hour before it opens. "They won't run out of money. It's not like the queue o...

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Funny story: Lottery Cash For D Day Veterans

Lottery Cash For D Day Veterans

In a shock move the government has announced that D Day veterans were to get lottery money. Once the weekly draw is made the money will be siphoned off and given to the old codgers in exchange for votes. In a controversial move the veterans will...

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Funny story: Howdy Doody In Nursing Home, Cracking Jokes, Cracking

Howdy Doody In Nursing Home, Cracking Jokes, Cracking

Howdy Doody, the lovable star of the Howdy Doody Show in the early years of television is now in a nursing home in Los Angeles. "Talk about your Viagra's four hours, how'd you like to be stiff for 70 years?" stated the lovable wooden clown. "See,...

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Funny story: Lib Dems call for ban on OAP drinking

Lib Dems call for ban on OAP drinking

The discovery that soaring numbers of elderly people are being treated on the NHS for alcohol related illnesses has led to calls for a ban on the sale of alcohol to over-65s. "It's disgraceful that large numbers of OAPs are consuming vast amounts...

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Funny story: 88-Year-Old Woman Billed Over $1200 For Sex Calls

88-Year-Old Woman Billed Over $1200 For Sex Calls

In Nashville, Tennessee the family of an 88-year-old woman who was billed for over $1,200 in phone sex calls suspects identify theft. Lullabelle Riley recently received a credit card bill addressed to her husband, Lonas T., who died nearly 50 yea...

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Funny story: Granny Spammer Arrested in Florida

Granny Spammer Arrested in Florida

(Orange County, Florida) Orlando police reported that they have arrested Mrs Bertha Fielding under the US Anti-Spam law in the early hours of the morning. Mrs Fielding's computer was confiscated along with her collection of gnomes. According to polic...

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Funny story: 74 year old woman marries, has baby

74 year old woman marries, has baby

Jill Mathison of Maryland got married, and had a baby 4 months after wedding, she's 74. The husband, George Bates , is actually 83 years old. He had been married earlier, but divorced his now ex-wife when he was 71. Jill and George met at a h...

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Funny story: Supermarket Refuses To Sell Old Bloke Tobacco

Supermarket Refuses To Sell Old Bloke Tobacco

A leading supermarket's decision to refuse a sale of tobacco to a sixty-seven year old man, who walks with the aid of a zimmer frame has sparked controversy on an international basis. Jeffrey Fagg, 67, who can only walk with the assistance of a zi...

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Funny story: Experimenting on the Elderly

Experimenting on the Elderly

Technology companies the world over are recruiting old people to help adapt their equipment for use by the over-70s. As the proportion of 'Silver Surfers' and 'older iPod generation' technology users continues to rise, manufacturers have accepted th...

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Funny story: Free PC for over eighty fives

Free PC for over eighty fives

The Government has announced that all pensioners over the age of eighty five are to be given free PC equipment. A spokesman for the government said "Quite frankly these old folks are letting the side down when it comes to improving our level of c...

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Funny story: Pensioner Dies of Fright

Pensioner Dies of Fright

Police today launched a manhunt after a Twickenham pensioner was found dead at home. 75 year old Arnold Pubes was found in his one bedroom ground floor flat at 4 o'clock this afternoon, after suffering a heart attack. As the snow continued to fal...

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Funny story: Nursing Home Budget Crisis Forces Creative Solutions

Nursing Home Budget Crisis Forces Creative Solutions

Sunnydale Rest Home in East Podunk, NY, has come up with a unique way to cut costs that has caught the attention of state lawmakers. "Our operating costs have skyrocketed at the same time reimbursements have declined." says Neil Barrington, admi...

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Funny story: Senile Senior Citizen Pilot crashes commercial plane into Hudson River; then attempts to taxi it to barge slip before taking on water

Senile Senior Citizen Pilot crashes commercial plane into Hudson River; then attempts to taxi it to barge slip before taking on water

New York, New York - Suffering from dementia, short-term memory loss and the indignity of having his driver's license recently revoked by the California Department of Motor Vehicles for failing to pass his driver's test, Captain, Chesley B. "Sully" S...

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Funny story: Sharing a Senior Moment

Sharing a Senior Moment

An elderly lady actually wrote this letter to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times and this newspaper thanks him most sincerely. Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque a...

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Funny story: Oxford Elderly Ear Institute Rebuts Scientific Research that Elderly Ears Expand

Oxford Elderly Ear Institute Rebuts Scientific Research that Elderly Ears Expand

Dr Dumbo Orrechia of the Oxford Elderly Ear Institute has vigorously disputed the widespread scientific and popular belief that old ears are ears of great size. For centuries now common and uncommon persons have fervently held the belief that agi...

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Funny story: Nursing Homes Bracing For Influx Of Cosmetic Surgery Recipients

Nursing Homes Bracing For Influx Of Cosmetic Surgery Recipients

Cosmetic surgery has become increasingly popular over the past few decades, and as the number of people having procedures done has risen, so has the average age of those having such work done. But even the most extensive procedures can only hold the...

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Funny story: Hummingbird Back At Granny Lungsfords

Hummingbird Back At Granny Lungsfords

Morgan Ridge resident Grandma Joleen "Jolly" Lungsford, 81, announced Tuesday that a hummingbird, which she has reported seeing on multiple occasions in the past several weeks, was back at the birdfeeder outside her kitchen window. "My little frie...

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