There was widespread panic today in the city of Denver, Colorado, after a bomb nearly went off on a jet plane, but didn't. Thousands of its citizens were in a state of shock, many requiring medical treatment for what officials termed 'the worst case...
Reports leaking out of the UK's leading scientific laboratory seem to confirm what everyone in the free world with a shred of common sense has known for years: the confiscated explosive suppository extracted from a burqa clad passenger contained po...
Mrs. Edna Clausington of 23 Tonbridge Street, Barnsbury, was reportedly the source of a large public gathering and traffic flow interruption this past Saturday near Housmans Bookshop, as she was mistaken for the actual Mrs. Claus. "Everything else...
Panic was palpable in the streets of London earlier today, as the city was seemingly taken over by the living dead. It occurred at about 10:45am when the first re-animated corpse was spotted shuffling along Westminster Bridge. Onlookers were ba...
London - Boris Johnson has announced that porridge making has been accepted as a demonstration sport for London 2012. It is usually the privilege of the host country to showcase a demonstration sport and send more athletes than usual. Johnson int...
A well-known restaurant in London has announced that the maximum time any customer could occupy a table in their establishment would be limited to six minutes from tomorrow, a huge three minutes shorter than the previous limit. The manager of the...
Danny Dyer has announced that he is to be given his own East End Postcode. The 32-year-old actor admitted that he no longer considers himself an actor and is now officially a London Postal District. Dyer, who previously had his own Deadliest M...
The good ol London Public have been declared to be 'lying bastards' by the Metropolitan Police Directorate of Professional Standards. Of 5241 complaints against London's darlings the Metropolitan Police Territorial support Group, only 9 people wer...
It has been announced that protestors are not the only thing the Metropolitan Police are seeking to destroy. Today the UK Metropolitan Police have admitted running the most environmentally unfriendly fleet of vehicles on the planet. With governmen...
A new type of pedestrian crossing system has been unveiled at Oxford Circus in London today. It works by stopping all road traffic from time-to-time so that pedestrians can all traverse the crossroad junction together, either over one road, or diago...
This week, 24 hour world news coverage has been depicting London as a huge flaming crater after a devastating meteor impact. But when humanitarian aid arrived in London today at a cost of £300,000,000,000.97 everything seemed fine with no evidenc...
LONDON - The BBC is reporting that one of England's largest supermarket chains has just announced that it is removing all of its ads from The Glenn Beck Show. A spokesperson for the huge grocer Gordon Castleshire stated that Beck's anti-Obama comm...
A top secret Government memo detailing the locations of London's secret nuclear weapons arsenal has been found on a school bus in Southwark. The weapons are apparently live and ready to launch within two minutes from just one phone call from the P...
Trafalgar Square, London, just before tea time - Hundreds of shocked Londoners looked on in horror today as a pink Cadillac (but not a gay pink Cadillac) somehow surfaced in Trafalgar Square, seemingly lost, and looking for a way out. As a man got...
Yesterday, a new cost saving initiative to remove drivers from the London Tram network was unveiled. A spokesman explained, "The principle is much like an old Hornby train set. A five year old boy sits on top of a high tower where he has total vi...
London mayor Boris Johnson has ordered the Thames river to be dredged to save money. The news comes after London Underground omitted the river from their new Tube maps. Originally, the mayor insisted new maps be printed up with the river includ...
LONDON - Robert Pattinson, actor, model, singer, and part-time crumpets taster has admitted to BBC's Louella Buckinghamshire that he has been successfully treated for an addiction to vitamin pills. Pattinson said that he first started taking vitam...
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