Food Writers at the Daily Maile have announced that if people simply cut out fresh meat, fruit and veg from their diet they will probably live forever. The new findings, which are totally made up, say that processed food like burgers and sausages, ch...
These Top Ten Ways to lose weight are easy as falling off a log. (Guess I better take that one off). 1. Always sleep on a vibrating bed. 2. Go Over A Fence that has a warning sign, "Dozen Bulls Horny Here!" 3. Crap on your food. 4. Easiest Push-Ups! (Pushing Up Daisies) 5. Snack on salted packing peanuts! 6. When introducing yourself at 'Get Acquainted Singles Meet', "Hello, my n...
BEAN TOWN, MA -- Boston public schools have suspended the distribution of condoms-well some condoms. Specifically, officials will no longer provide, upon request, any condom that is packaged in a wrapper that encourage users to "hump one," advertises...
Cigarettes are generally considered bad for you. But here are a few things that may cast the practice in a slightly different light. !.) Smokers get outside, away from their desks and computer screens several times per day. Since smoking is disallowed in virtually every workplace, restaurant, bar, or public building, smokers are forced out into the great outdoors. Although they are unable...
According to the latest buzz from health clubs and fitness gurus, the formerly wildly popular Paleo Diet has been supplanted by the new Sociopath or "Socio" Diet, which skyrockets meat-centric eating to new dimensions of amorality. Sources say the Socio Diet has particularly caught fire in high-power urban centers like New York City and Washington, D.C. Want to incorporate some "Socio" into you...
My fellow Americans, today we face another round of criticism from our adversaries. They have accused our administration of being "feckless" in the face of the 21st Century and its many challenges. Rather than go on the defensive and merely answer to a strict definition of the term, we will respond positively and comprehensively, just as we did when we overcame last year's charges that we we...
As shocking as it sounds, multiple studies have recently shown that stabbing yourself with a bread knife may actually increase the chances of severe injuries, and in some cases may even cause death, despite the widely-held belief that doing so actual...
The "Mother of all hen parties" has been booked in Ibiza for the Queen's wedding vow renewal booked on 18th September to take attention away from Scotland's Independence referendum. Containers of sexy balloons, Queen outfits, plastic tickler orbs...
Selena Gomez has announced that she is cancelling her tour overseas and will have tests ran to see what her problems are all about. "I simply do not feel like that tour and I wanted it very much", she told reporters. "I don't know what is wrong. I...
New Delhi invented a new product made from cow urine that has a wide range of cures from cancer, diarrhea, to diabetes. It is on sale by the Bharatiya Janata Party and one of their officials claims, "My daughter tried all kinds of things" to rid of h...
Patients should be charged £10 to see their Doctor and a £10 "hotel charge" to stay the night in hospital, a leading stink-tank has said. The fees could be among a raft of levies introduced to raise extra cash to fund the NHS rather than charge, a...
In a panicked response to Ed Miliband's popular policy of freezing energy prices, Prime Minister David Cameron today made an unscheduled visit to the House of Commons to announce a new personally endorsed initiative to solve his government's energy p...
PHILADELPHIA--A recent study shows that over-eating may be one of the leading causes of obesity in Americans age 9-72. The Foundation for American Thickness Today and Yesterday (FATTY) issued the report last week, detailing the findings of their y...
Valvoline, MI - Various public health advertisement campaigns in recent years have depicted graphic ads showing real smokers and the physical pains that they suffer including tracheotomy valves and the like. Studies show that the advertisements have...
LOS ANGELES, CA - An ongoing UCLA study has recently unveiled results that may shock many. "Jeans do not make a woman's ass look fat," reported Dr. Mack Daday, "a woman's ass makes a woman's ass look fat, plain and simple." Some of the studen...
COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA - "It's not like I don't do quality work," states Dr. Ernest Spunn, "I have been making my living on quality AND quantity. I have been moving through people in sheer volume, especially when I'm tweaking! Root canals, extractions,...
In Mississippi, where wild donkeys are often seen walking the landscape in search of rough scrub and brush foliage, a woman found a young malnourished foal in need of attention. "I saw the little guy limping in my back yard and cried for the poor...
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