Andy Rooney was found dead in his office yesterday sitting in front of his keyboard. Rooney 92 was best known for his down home observations on the long running news magazine 60 Minutes. Rooney had retired about a month ago so it seems he saw the han...
You've played your last eighteen.
Strolled your last green.
If there is a golf course in heaven.
Will you use the number seven.
By Arnold Mitercrump. Florida
Osama Bin Laden:
You ugly bearded bastard.
Copt it from the Yanks.
Did you hear the missile.
Before it hit you on the head.
By Col. Percy Pummel. Saffron Waldon
You were a highly studied actor.
your films were very good.
I wish you had won an oscar.
Your photo is on my Nans shelf.
By Oswald Gentry. Glasgow
Patriarch Alexy 11:
You gave some nice sermons.
People listened when you spoke.
Now that you are in heaven.
Do you still have the long coat?
By Yuri Barbetov. Moscow
Joan Of Arc:
As a young girl.
You have smoked your last cigar Jimmy.
It's time to leave the disco floor.
The marathon ends in heaven.
You won't have to knock on the door.
By Mrs Futtle Ferang. Hampshire
You have cooked your last hotpot Betty.
It is time to leave the pub.
No more pints to pull.
Jesus is waiting for you.
He has kept you your own bar stool.
By Mr Fred Futtle.
Police were horrified to make a gruesome discovery in an ordinary terraced house in central Dorking yesterday at the home of mortician Tom Cadaver.
"We were alerted by a neighbour," said detective inspector Henry Hoover. "He took a parcel for Cada...
In an emotional interview, God, the Supreme Ruler of the universe, has tearfully apologized for the massive loss of life that occurred on his watch during the last ten years.
Earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes and terrorist attacks have claimed hun...
Clarke B Dingwall, the worlds tallest recorded dwarf, died last night in a tragic accident.
Dingwall, 28, was last recorded at a height of 6'3", making him easily the tallest dwarf in the world, the next closest being Samuel N'gbab of Nigeria at a...
BBC bosses are said to be furious that a source in their headquarters has leaked the plans for the Christmas plot run of EastEnders.
But their annoyance won't stop me from publishing a massive spolier for fans of the show.
It was revealed that...
Ned Tremble, the world's unluckiest man, was sadly killed yesterday by a falling satellite, in what appeared to be the final insult to a life of hardship.
Tremble achieved official 'unluckiest' status four years ago, after a string of mishaps, unf...
This is a sequel to the news presentation which was reported in the previous week's bulletin, titled: "Expert Warns of Risk of Death."
For the information of readers who may have missed the previous column, the presentation was given by Lafra Dablawala, PhD (Bakwas Institute, Dodogoro, LOK) who authored the article published in the prestigious "Ghanta Journal of Medicine."
After discussing t...
The following are excerpts from a news presentation given by the distinguished authority on Health and Medicine, Lafra Dablawala, PhD, of the Research Dept. of Bakwas Institute, one of the world's leading medical universities.
In a special report, the full details of which can be read in "The Ghanta Journal of Medicine," titled: "Death: Who Is At Risk?" the doctor says that results prove concl...
London - An MI6 codebreaker's copycat RIP fears have surfaced again with the grim discovery in some South London bushes.
The find comes exactly one year after cryptographer Gareth Williams' unexplained death in a security service 'serviced' Pimlic...
I'd never heard your name before
Until I came to The Spoof
I feel it's sad that some writers use
Your 'story' so, when they don't know the truth.
I know I may be guilty now
Of seemingly doing the same
But why should writers say cruel things
For points using your name?
I can't stay shtum. That's sad to say
I feel that this is wrong
My daughter told me of your wonderful voice
Unconfirmed reports are filtering through that 27 year old diva, Amy Winehouse has been found dead in her North London flat. The Back To Black singer had a history of drug and alcohol problems.
Amy had a fantastic future ahead of her, but she lived the punk dream and blew it.
It was a tragic end for a potentially brilliant artiste; Rehab, and Valerie, becoming R&B classics, but drugs and...
A new Study shows women that don't use Treadmill's are more likely to get kidnapped or killed.
The study revealed that women who stayed inside their own homes to work out and use their treadmills were 80% less likely to be kidnapped, beaten and/o...
London - The discovery of a dead person impersonating a major arcana Tarot card is baffling London cops.
Reports that the number 12 card, the Hanged Man, was seen dangling from a redwood sequoia slap bang opposite Buck House were published this mo...
Two of the suppliers of the drugs used by the execution industry are withdrawing their use after it was discovered that they can cause death.
"We never realised," said Bridget Tofar, lawyer for Smasho-Glyph-Kind. "We've been making Sodium Pentatho...
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!