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Funny satire stories about Theft

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Funny story: Bootlace Sammy Jailed for Burglary

Bootlace Sammy Jailed for Burglary

A hapless teenage burglar found hanging upside down by his bootlaces from a window of the house he had broken into has been jailed for life in an attempt to protect him, and the public at large, from his own stupidity. Sammy 'Asbo' Snitgruber, 16...

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Funny story: New "get rich quick with minimal work" scheme hailed a complete success

New "get rich quick with minimal work" scheme hailed a complete success

A new "get rich without doing any work" scheme, previously favoured by pyramid sellers, multi-level marketers, email spammers and Bettaware, has been hailed as the latest 'British Success' by the CBI, who, to quote TV celebrity Vicky Pollard, "don't...

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Funny story: Barbed Wire Banned After Thief Scratched

Barbed Wire Banned After Thief Scratched

Gardeners at Smegmadale's Sunnysideup Allotments have been ordered by the local authorities to remove the barbed wire capping fences around their respective lots due a teenage vegetable thief filing a personal injury claim against the district counci...

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Funny story: Thief feels sorry for building society and gets money back

Thief feels sorry for building society and gets money back

In what some may think was a strange turn of events, a thief who used to rob branches of the Bradford and Bingley Building Society prior to the credit crunch turned the act of robbery on its head today. Well known, disrespected, unemployed yet ref...

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Funny story: Animated European Meat Stick Evades Authorities

Animated European Meat Stick Evades Authorities

From the streets of Kingston upon Thames near Argyll House yesterday, an amateur paparazzi captured Mr. Fanimal Peperami, a popular European meat snack mascot, in the act of stealing a motor bike. Not to be interrupted by the flash of the digital ca...

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Funny story: Rockall £50 Million Bank Robbery

Rockall £50 Million Bank Robbery

Rockall's Serious Crimes Squad plods are hot on the trail of a gang of criminals who robbed the island's First Guillemot Bank of an estimated £50 million on Wednesday morning. The crime squad's supremo, Chief Superintendent Harry Codhead, informed...

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Funny story: "Darryn Lyons Ate My Blackberry" says Cilla

"Darryn Lyons Ate My Blackberry" says Cilla

Just weeks after he was cautioned by police for swallowing the iphone of a woman who refused to sell him photos of Pete Doherty at a cash machine, the cockerel-headed Aussie affectionately known as 'Mr Paparazzi', has been at it again. After enjo...

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Funny story: Shoplifters say British economy IS as bad as it gets

Shoplifters say British economy IS as bad as it gets

According to the NAS - the National Association of Shoplifters - there is no noticeable slowdown in the rate of the decline in the British economy.

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Funny story: Stonehenge has been Pilfered!

Stonehenge has been Pilfered!

Police received an anonymous phone call today to say that Stonehenge, the ancient site, has been stolen. Upon inspection it was found that Stonehenge had indeed been pilfered.

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Funny story: Biggest Robbery In British History

Biggest Robbery In British History

The biggest robbery in British history occurred earlier this week, as thieves made off with the astonishing amount of £3.2 billion, dwarfing such robberies as the Brinks-Mat one. Police are uncertain as to how this was pulled off, but are questioning...

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Funny story: DVD-ROM Drive stops burgular

DVD-ROM Drive stops burgular

A DVD-ROM drive stopped a burglar yesterday after he grazed the eject button, following the draw coming out and hitting his stomach, winding him and causing him to fall to the ground.

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Funny story: Derren Brown admits he is a turd burglar

Derren Brown admits he is a turd burglar

Top TV illusionist Derren Brown, 37, has stunned his many fans by revealing his secret fetish - stealing dog turds from the back gardens of his wealthy friends.

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Funny story: Milk Stolen From Doorstep

Milk Stolen From Doorstep

Callous thieves are thought to be behind the callous theft of three bottles of milk which were taken from an old lady's doorstep in Ipswich, say Suffolk police.

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Funny story: Bush: Somebody Took The Rent

Bush: Somebody Took The Rent

In a major economic address today, United States President George W. Bush announced that the rent money is missing and somebody took it.

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Funny story: Woman Who Appears in Picture Frames Has Home Burgled

Woman Who Appears in Picture Frames Has Home Burgled

The lady, who appears in the picture that accompanies every picture frame you purchase, has been burgled while out on her latest photo shoot and ironically the only thing stolen in the robbery was a picture of herself

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Funny story: Tiny, Obnoxious Dog Yips Burglars into Oblivion

Tiny, Obnoxious Dog Yips Burglars into Oblivion

ALVESTON, OHIO -- Stingle, an irritating toy poodle of 1302 Marzifax Lane, successfully terrified three armed intruders into leaving after they had robbed the house of one Rolex, two diamond bracelets, and one wallet containing a little over two hund...

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Funny story: Pathetic Thief Gets Life

Pathetic Thief Gets Life

A seventy six year old man was sentenced to life imprisonment today for stealing over the period of seventy one years over one and a half million pounds worth of penny sweets.

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