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Funny story: Vatican: Jesus was a single, confident heterosexual!

Vatican: Jesus was a single, confident heterosexual!

VATICAN CITY (ABSNN) - It is a fake, the papyrus fragment that claims Jesus was married, that is. According to today's issue of the Vatican's newspaper, L'Observatore Romano, "Substantial reasons would lead one to conclude that the papyrus is inde...

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Funny story: Jesus' Wife is not Jesus' Wife: New Translation

Jesus' Wife is not Jesus' Wife: New Translation

Yale Professor of Ancient Religions, Salvatore Crocifisso, disputes the translation of the newly-discovered Coptic text claiming that Jesus had a wife. The professor made his announcement yesterday at the Yale University's Student Union and Car Wash...

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Funny story: Zombie Apocalypse is actually the Second Coming, Jesus reveals

Zombie Apocalypse is actually the Second Coming, Jesus reveals

In a surprise appearance last week, a man claiming to be Jesus revealed that the much anticipated 'zombie apocalypse' of 2012 is actually a mis-communication of the intended 'Second Coming'. Jesus explained that they (the Holy Trinity) realised that if the Son of God were to turn up looking 'normal', He might not be taken seriously and most likely ignored (or sectioned if the NHS could be bothe...

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Funny story: Original Sin Forgiven as Woman Menstruates Jesus

Original Sin Forgiven as Woman Menstruates Jesus

The Pope has declared Original Sin forgiven upon hearing that a woman has menstruated Jesus. The woman in her thirties was routinely about to change her sanitary towel when she saw a face staring up from between her legs. Upon closer inspection the w...

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Funny story: Cardinal Seán Brady Asks Irish Catholics to Protest Abortion by Avoiding Eggs

Cardinal Seán Brady Asks Irish Catholics to Protest Abortion by Avoiding Eggs

Cardinal Seán Brady of Ireland has issued a statement urging Catholics to forgo the consumption of eggs on Fridays in an act of protest against the introduction of abortion in Ireland. According to the Cardinal, the consumed egg - whether boiled,...

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Funny story: Theologians prove that God is a teapot

Theologians prove that God is a teapot

Theologians have scoured the archaeological evidence and come to the conclusion that God, the supreme creator, is a teapot. "Whenever we do any kind of archaeological dig," said Professor Lupine Hatter, of Manchester University, "we find pottery s...

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Funny story: Quentin Kelp MP - Sharia Law and Roasted Baboon

Quentin Kelp MP - Sharia Law and Roasted Baboon

Dear Constituents Sorry about the few spelling mistakes in my last Newsletter but I was very upset. I am much better now, thank you, and have received several emails of support during this very difficult time - many of them offering sympathy and advice on how to cope with George's passing. Reverend Jacobs asked that I call in at his church next Sunday for guidance and strength. I sai...

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Funny story: Don know! 'tis God's Power

Don know! 'tis God's Power

Knowledge like vaccination stimulates the mind and helps man reach advancement. Swindlers, modern or old, can easily deceive a superficial mind. Kazim, an Afghan, is a good example of 21st century vandalism. Presently, he is a refugee, hiding in the niches of a small construction site with zero identity documents to escape extortion or deportation. He, 33/34, claims to have at least a wif...

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Funny story: Recession Caused by Vengeful Deity

Recession Caused by Vengeful Deity

According to a startling new discovery by a joint co-operative research team consisting of economists and scientists from both MIT and the London School of Economics, the current recession was in fact caused by an incensed and indignant supreme, omni...

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Funny story: Pro-Life Campaigners Extend Protection to the Unborn Post-Eucharistic Stool!

Pro-Life Campaigners Extend Protection to the Unborn Post-Eucharistic Stool!

Leading pro-life groups have extended their anti-abortion campaign to post-Eucharistic stools. According to the pro-lifers, it is a "blasphemous, anti-life abomination" to empty one's bowels within 48 hours of consuming the body of Christ during reli...

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Funny story: Accuracy of the Bible Queried by Bishop

Accuracy of the Bible Queried by Bishop

The Bishop of Redruth has questioned the statements in the Bible that suggest the world began in 4004 BC or that Adam and Eve were the first on the scene. In a sermon to the congregation at Redruth Cathedral, attended by three sailors and a dog, B...

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Funny story: Pope Launches 'Moses': New Holy-Tasking Tablet for Catholics

Pope Launches 'Moses': New Holy-Tasking Tablet for Catholics

Vatican City - Dressed more like Steve Jobs than St. Steven, Pope Benedict XVI introduced the Catholic Church's answer to Apple's iPad today, devoting his audience in St. Peter's Square to the global launch of the Moses Multi-Task Tablet. "Anyone...

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Funny story: Poverty-Stricken Christian Boy Asks God to Let Him Out By Side of Road

Poverty-Stricken Christian Boy Asks God to Let Him Out By Side of Road

After his father was laid off from his construction job and his family became forced to subsist on food stamps and public assistance, eight-year-old Chris Peterson of Augusta, Georgia, prayed to God, specifically requesting that he be let out by the...

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Funny story: Church of England Rebranded "Architectural Tours Ltd."

Church of England Rebranded "Architectural Tours Ltd."

The Church of England is undergoing a name change and will henceforth be known as Architectural Tours Ltd. The alteration is taking place to reflect the changing role of the Church in the life of the nation. A spokesman from St Paul's Cathedral...

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Funny story: Religious Tolerance Restaurant Opened

Religious Tolerance Restaurant Opened

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL (Acme World News) -- A new restaurant featuring religious tolerance and diversity was opened last May 12, 2012. The restaurant contained 14 areas, each related to different religions, with a specific menu on each area. For e...

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Funny story: Area Man Makes Drunken Pilgrimage To Best Friend's Couch

Area Man Makes Drunken Pilgrimage To Best Friend's Couch

CHICAGO--Local man Dan Welsh, 22, recently completed a night-long dream of his to drunkenly stumble all the way across town in the hopes of crashing on his best friend Jim's hand-me-down purple leather couch. Mr. Welsh, a recent University of Illi...

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Funny story: The Religious Slot - God's Factory

The Religious Slot - God's Factory

"I'm Arthur Godley - Godley by name and Godly by nature. Take a seat, mate. I won't be long." From behind his expansive desk, Arthur Godley glanced at his visitor. "Not the sofa, mate. The chair is for ordinary visitors. " Arthur Godley, proprietor of Godley's Garden Gnomes of Krupton straightened his red tie and pulled on the gold cuff links. The penchant for bright ties and driving wi...

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