Brian Asshat, Chutney on the Fritz's most colourful character will spend today curating his pencil shavings, after sneezing on them last night. 'Yes, it is a complete nightmare' wrote Brian on his blog 'I sneezed, and my carefully curated collecti…
An actress that you liked in something because she played a nice character, is going to upset you with her turn as someone a lot more unpleasant. In the shocking turn of events, the actress who you like, but whose name you have forgotten will play…
Incompetent buffoon Geoffrey Rivers has said that he wants to be doing his job for the next ten years. Mr Rivers, who works for the local sewage treatment firm, has said that although his work involves things people don't want to think about, he s…
Mavis Davidson has always known that she has a bad taste in music, but for the first time in her life, she has actually bought two albums that are high in the music charts. 'Yes' said a clearly delighted Mavis 'I have the new albums by Steps and A…
Janet's special mug is still missing. It is red, with a big bottom. Janet makes cakes on a Friday. You know Janet. Everyone knows Janet. Anyway, if you see her special mug, can you let us know, as she just won't stop banging on and on and on about…
BILLINGSGATE POST: After over two years and breathless speculation that John Durham would finally exonerate the Love Birds for engaging in inappropriate sexual chatter, it appears that the Justice Department will finally complete the long awaited re…
Local reporter and photographer Anthony Histamine has been taking photos on results day for years, but this year he is looking for something more. 'Yes' said Anthony who in the 1990s wanted to work for the nationals, but has been at the Chutney on…
Dorothy Fotherington Smythe from the Estate in Mithering on the Trent has been working on a Haiku for eight months and is yet to finish it. The ancient Japanese writing form is beloved of pretentious 17-year-olds wanting to impress their teachers,…
Shane Worthington, known for his ways of attracting trouble, sticking it to the man, and ignoring his marriage vows, doesn't know whether or not he should wear a mask after July 19th. The 67-year-old, who has famously always done the thing that se…
Barry and Dave are arguing, as normal. You would think nothing of it if was just two blokes in a pub, arguing, but Barry and Dave are two storm-troopers, feared across the galaxy for their skills in losing droids, falling for Jedi mind tricks, and be…
Erith, Kent, UK: Replacing leaking taps under sinks can sometimes be a harrowing experience for OAP's and people with 'Jurassic' knees. However, calling a plumber to do the job is even more harrowing after they send their invoice! It is a common f…
A man who is recording an album of Avant grade compositions for Theremin, glockenspiel and rainstick has found that so far only dogs seem to be listening to it. Shane Collywobble, 47, has been working on 'WTF is that?' since the beginning of lockd…
An amazing discovery happened somewhere in the 'Middle of a German Nowhere' today after a 70-year-old OAP looked in the mirror! After being completely bald for the last 20 years, he discovered a hair growing in the middle of his 'nut'! "A mira…
A London man was given two consecutive life sentences at The Old Bailey yesterday after being found guilty of shouting loudly at a burglar who had broken into his home in the early hours of the morning in March 2021. Toby Dell, a retired forklift…
A 54-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has revealed that a Facebook friends request from a man he used to associate with in his late teens and early twenties but who he always considered to be an utter twat has left him feeling cornered an…
Atlantic City, New Jersey. Woof Bluster reporting with a SINful report for Spoof International News. Word has reached the HQ for the Miss America Pageant that a contestant in the pageant 70 years ago has upheld her Miss America contract by refusing t…
Donald Trump, a man from Withering Glance has lost out on the one remaining Argos catalogues he needs to complete his collection on eBay. The Winter 1992 edition was said to be in pristine condition, and Donald had made an offer of £60.00 with £10…
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