Leading UK academic, Professor Fred Quatermass, published papers today in which he deduced that aliens would probably smell of sulphur. Professor Quatermass has reasoned that alien life forms probably exist on various gaseous planets around the un...
US President Barack Obama has admitted to being an alien. The 2006 confession was solicited from the then first-term Illinois Senator under torture at Guantanamo Bay, meaning it was not admissible under US law. But a new ruling on the rights of de...
Scotland - 'Mayday! Mayday! Extraterrestrial space shit attack!' The SOS message, picked up Saturday evening on marine emergency frequencies, saw Scotland's premier eerie loch trawled by rescue services after locals reported seeing a large blue b...
BELOW THE BELTWAY REPORT: In a press briefing today at Martha's Vineyard where the President and his family are vacationing for the next 10 days, Barack Obama announced that before leaving Washington he had made a last minute deal with extraterrestr...
For decades, or even centuries, humans have dreamed and wondered about what would happen when contact was made by alien beings from outer space. This morning, it finally happened. An alien spacecraft landed in a field near Washington DC, and two t...
A Friesian cow flew over a 3 foot high fence and landed on the bonnet of a passing Citroen C5 driven by an alien who was just about to make some crop circles in the next field. The cow has a double identity, a schizo cow in other words. Sometimes...
London - "Don't blame this 'alien shit' for the breakdown of law and order," a Home Office spokesman snarled at crunchtime today. The fierce rebuttal comes amid multiple sightings of a rogue spacecraft dumping over urban hotspots. Historically...
Striking new images of Mars revealing what appear to be hundreds of incomplete road-works littering its surface may be the best evidence that the planet once had the flowing water capable of excusing delays to millions of car journeys every year.
Recent crop circles discovered in the Australian outback are not being made by stoned Aborigines going walkabout as originally thought. They are actually being created by stoned wallabies who love to chew poppies it seems. This is the official gov...
Wiltshire - NASA top brass has vehemently denied it, of course, but the appearance of a 200ft crop circle near Stonehenge depicting ET smoking a classic ganja pipe 'may be the artwork of bored ISS astronauts'. The etching materialised around 15 Ju...
Scotland - Their tin-foil linings aren't always visible to paparazzi lenses because of Palace deals aimed at stopping the Queen's relatives looking stoopid. But yesterday's Edinburgh turnout saw a new outbreak of daft UFO-shaped fascinators as Hou...
London - Accusations that the NewsCorpse private investigator was an Establishment puppet were vehemently denied this weekend by gargoyle-faced Glenn Mulcaire. Named after a notorious Scottish phishing lodge on the banks of Loch Ness the disgraced...
VENICE BEACH - Harrison Ford and his much younger wife Calista Flockhart were having dinner at a local Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse and chatting about his brand new movie Cowboys & Aliens. Ford told Cali that he hopes that the movie is...
(Si Cofant, Royal correspondent): The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have moved into their first royal residence as a married couple, an apartment in Kensington Palace. The Duchess was said to have been 'overwhelmed' when she saw it for the first tim...
London - A mystery craft 'armed with a 1,000ft plunger' was seen servicing sewers under the newspaper HQ. It then took off in a northerly direction leaving behind toxic contrails 'that looked awfully like the letters IOU'. Witnesses described t...
Phoenix Arizona was recently buffeted by the biggest dust storms known to residents in recent history. Some residents are speculating that the dust storms are related to the Phoenix lights. The Phoenix lights were unexplained light seen by the...
[Burnley Echo] Conspiracy theorists were buzzing today after photographs were published of what appears to be a crop circle in a pensioner's garden. The out-of-this-world design, which resembles a giant penis, was first spotted by eager-eyed grandmot...
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