10. You now have time to read all the books you want.
9. Your pay freeze just means you were making too much money.
8. Dinning at McDonalds is now alright, because those fancy places can be a little too much.
7. You now know who to write a great resume and cover letter.
6. You are discovering the beauties of PBS, and not all those channels on cable.
5. You don't need to buy a car.
An Asian bar. An eighteenth birthday meal. And the Birthday Boy lashed on three cans of Strongbow.
What could possibly go wrong?
The night soon descended into chaos when he started to smear curry on the tablesheets. Two pints later and we were soon making our excuses.
But how can you avoid these circumstances? As always, Masterchev Inc. have the answers which will help you solve any unnec...
Tired of watching six inches of snow outside your house? Wondering how you can survive winter, even though you live in a comfy house with central heating and the works? Are you a naturist?
If so, you'll love the Masterchev "Five Things You Need to Survive Winter"! As you may have guessed, there are five things you need to survive the cold breezy nights.
1) A partner of the opposite sex
1) America is pretty much fat, loud, obnoxious and stupid and stubborn
2) School kids seem to spend thier time in corridors, or beating each other up, or participating in social cliques
3) Americans want change, but only change that never happens
4) America has paradoxical political movements
5) Americans believe their beloved Constitution mentions God and Jesus, yet it has no referenc...
The polarization of the United States keeps getting more attention. But do moderates still exist in this world of 24/7 media that preach the extremes of everyday politics?
Ten Signs You Might Be a Moderate
1. You respect the right to own a shotgun for hunting purposes, but not the right to own handguns and rifles. You might be a moderate.
2. You think politicians of any career length don...
10. Your state employees drive around in Lexus and Mercedes Benz
9. The grass outside the local courthouse is AstroTurf
8. A war in an oil rich country leads to higher prices at the gas pump
7. Your city parks also have free roller coaster rides
6. Politicians use federal planes for family vacations
5. Oil Companies can cause ecological hazards and right it off as a loss, so they do...
1. Call your husband every half hour to make sure he's not with a woman.
2. Wear sweatsuits, housecoats, and the most unsexual clothing you have so that your husband knows you've only got eyes for him. If you can, try to gain weight so that other gentlemen don't hit on you and threaten your marriage. (*Don't get too fat, don't be stupid about it)
3. Join a book club. If you're reading a good...
Ladies it's true. At one time or another we'll have had our "other half" do - or not do something which really REALLY irritates us, but studies have proved there are a wealth of things which men are physically and mentally incapable of doing - all of which come second nature to us "superior sex" women.
The top ten are listed here.
1. Changing the toilet roll when it comes to the end
Part #12: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date'
10. Over 98% of all car crash fatalities happen within ten feet of the car!
9. The role of "Benjamin" played by Dustin Hoffman in "The Graduate" was originally offered to Don Knotts.
8. When making an arrest in New York City, policemen not only have to read you your legal rights but also bring you up to date scores of the Jets, Mets, Giants,...
Part #11: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date'
10. John Deere never worked on a farm a single day of his life!
9. Benjamin Franklin had strange sex habits according to his wife, Deborah Reed Rogers. While at home, she usually called him old "Ben Dover".
8. Along with the famous sign over President Harry Trueman's desk saying "The Buck Stops Here", it was originally hung from a deer's hea...
With the Liberal Democrat MP starting to throw his weight around in his role in the Coalition Government, we take a look at some of the things you might not have known about Vince Cable.
1. Cable was concieved immaculately, in York, in 1943.
2. Cable worked in the treasury for Kenya from 1966-1968, where he officially became known as 'Papa Cable'.
3. Cable has been the Member of Parliment...
The world has been asking the following 10 questions ever since mankind decided to abandon the caves, conquer the world and "think"! (weeellllllllll?)
The only problem is nobody has been able to answer them!
A "think tank" set up by the Spoof and it's slightly loony writership therefore came up with the following answers:
1. What is the meaning of life? = Fuck All
2. Is there a God? =...
ERs across the United States are spending up to $10,000 a month to advertise excellence and wait times and other nonsense. Here are some ideas for attention-grabbing soundbites that might generate more patient visits:
1) We have just the right Oxy-Contin script with your name on it.
2) Our nurses shave their legs
3) Think she's cute? She's yours!
4) Think he's cute? He's yours!...
Part #10: 'Factual Facts To Impress Your Date'
#10. Before George Washington became President, the last president in the land of America was 300 years earlier, called Hosteen Wahoo, leader of the Long Penis People!
#9. Because of mysterious dreams he had experienced all his life, Saddam Hussein used to tell his friends and family, "One day my neck will be a foot long!"
#8. Ironically eno...
Part #9: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date:
10. Alex Trebek, host of Jeopardy, has already bought his burial plot and monument. It reads, "Where Is Alex Trebek?"
9. In 2001, a clown by the name of "Fonzo" became the first person ever to die from exploding cigar lung cancer!
8. If you say that a glass is half full, you're an optimist. But if you say that "there is still half a spoonful...
Part #8: 'Factual Facts To Impress Your Date'
#10. Contrary to popular opinion, Eskimo Pies were not invented by Eskimos, but by polar bears.
#9. On September 11th, 2002, a wildly careening car was headed toward the Pentagon before being shot 425 times. Both the driver and the rattlesnake by his foot were dead.
#8. Sometimes, even it's own residents cannot figure out how in the world th...
10. On twelve difference occasions, Louie Anderson and Loni Anderson got each other's bras in the mail and had to exchange them.
9. In the Great Smoky Mountains, those "Great Smoky Mountains Authentic Handmade Rocking Chairs" are simply called rocking chairs.
8. The past four presidents of the United States, Bush, Clinton, Bush & Obama have acted more like previous Vice Presidents!
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